How to Satisfy Your Desires

If I asked you what you desire, how would you respond? 

Popular responses would be money, sex, popularity, a romantic partner, a great job, an easy life. All of those are good things. They are what I’d call surface desires. 

If we still our minds, gaze inward and think honestly, other desires may come to mind. To be known. To be understood. To be unconditionally loved. To have inner peace. To have meaning and purpose. To have true security. To have a sense of adventure. To feel truly alive. I call these deep desires. 

I recently came across a quote by Henri Nouwen (1932-1996), an author, theologian and professor at Havard and Yale Universities:

Jesus’ core message was that God is neither a powerless weakling nor a powerful boss, but a lover, whose only desire is to give us what our hearts most desire.

Henri nouwen

When I read that, I asked myself the obvious question—what are my desires? What first came to mind were my surface desires, and Nouwen’s statement didn’t seem true. But as I reflected more, I tapped into my deeper desires, and I realized that, for me, God has in fact satisfied them. 

God may have no place in your worldview, and I sincerely respect that position. All I’m attempting to do here is share my experience. While I can find ways to satisfy my surface desires from other sources, I’ve only been able to truly satisfy my deeper desires through my relationship with God. All other attempts have left me wanting.

So what are your surface desires? How about your deep desires? Which are satisfied and which are unfulfilled? What sources do you turn to in an attempt to meet them?

Be honest with yourself about your level of fulfillment. If your deeper desires feel unsatisfied and God is not part of your worldview, consider experimenting with including God. Read a short daily email excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s writings (a is sample below and you can subscribe here. You can read how I connect with God here). If that doesn’t work, try something else that sounds intriguing to you. If you do, you’ll discover a more satisfied life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

From “You are the Beloved” by Henri Nouwen:

Most of us distrust God. Most of us think of God as a fearful, punitive authority or as an empty, powerless nothing. Jesus’ core message was that God is neither a powerless weakling nor a powerful boss, but a lover, whose only desire is to give us what our hearts most desire.

To pray is to listen to that voice of love. That is what obedience is all about. The word obedience comes from the Latin word ob-audire, which means “to listen with great attentiveness.” Without listening, we become “deaf” to the voice of love. The Latin word for deaf is surdus. To be completely deaf is to be absurdus, yes, absurd. When we no longer pray, no longer listen to the voice of love that speaks to us in the moment, our lives become absurd lives in which we are thrown back and forth between the past and the future.

If we could just be, for a few minutes each day, fully where we are, we would indeed discover that we are not alone and that the One who is with us wants only one thing: to give us love.

From the daily email from The Henri Nouwen Society (henrinouwen.org) Jan 20, 2022. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, (c) 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.