Developing a Better You

Category: Mind (Page 1 of 48)

Lousy at Meditating? Try Walking Meditation

Life is hard right now. My mom’s serious medical issue that I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago has become critical, demanding much of my time and energy. That’s why I’ve been reposting content I’ve shared previously for the past few weeks. Spending extended time helping my parents navigate this difficult season has knocked my prayer and meditation routine off the rails. When I do find / make time for these practices, I struggle to focus. One thing that’s helped is walking meditation. Here’s a post I wrote about it previously. I hope it helps you on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

I struggle with meditation.

If you’ve been focused on personal development for any length of time, you’ve probably heard about the benefits of meditation—stress relief, calming anxiety, generating ideas, lowering blood pressure, etc. The good news is, that’s all true. The bad news is that you have to actually do it, with some degree of “success,” to realize those benefits.

I’ve practiced mediation regularly in some form or another for years. There have been seasons where I really focused on it and others where it took a backseat in my personal development routine. These days I meditate / practice listening prayer ten minutes a day using the Calm app as my timer. The selection of soothing nature sounds helps me focus, but even with the app, I often struggle. I have an active mind, and my thoughts tend to zip around like hummingbirds.

Of the many meditation methods I’ve tried, the one I’ve had the most success with is walking meditation. It’s as simple as it sounds. Go for a stroll, preferably in a calm area, with no particular destination or agenda. Walk casually. There’s no hurry. Let your mind wander. Notice what’s around you. The sunlight filtering through the leaves of a nearby tree. The caress of the breeze. The scent of pine. The music of the birds. The pop of color from the flowers along the sidewalk. Interesting bits of architecture.

Ponder the things you observe. Sit at that random bench in the shade for a few minutes. Move on when it feels right. Let your fingers graze the bark of a tree. Pluck a leaf and rub it gently between your fingers as you walk, feeling your connection to the natural world around you. This isn’t a time to talk on the phone or listen to a podcast. Soothing instrumental music can help, but I usually prefer the soundtrack of my environment.

I practiced walking meditation recently on the lovely campus of a nearby university. I strolled for an hour in silence. Watched robed graduates taking celebratory photos in front of a fountain. Bent to retrieve a fallen pine cone and rolled the rough texture against my palm. Admired the majestic old buildings. Sat in a secluded courtyard beneath a flowering tree. It was lovely and healing. I returned home feeling calm, rejuvenated, and refreshed.

So how about you? Have you ever tried meditating? Was it easy or difficult? Regardless of your past experience, give walking mediation a try. Find a park or a path or a secluded spot. Try your neighborhood. Take an unhurried stroll. Notice the sights, sounds, and smells around you. Let go of any sense of task or agenda. Just be. If you do, you’ll begin to experience the benefits of meditation, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Freedom and Grace by Owning Your Mistakes

I was mad.

I’d been working with an attorney on a small estate planning project. When the work dragged on longer than anticipated, I checked in for a progress report. He assured me it would be done the next day.

The next day came and went with no contact. I let a week go by then followed up again. No response. My inquiry two weeks after that also went unanswered. Finally after six weeks, I called his office. When I learned he was now on vacation, I explained the situation to the office manager and voiced my frustration. She apologized profusely and promised to have him get back to me.

A few days later, the completed project showed up in my email, followed by a phone call from the attorney. This is what he said:

“I want to start by apologizing. Over the last few months, my personal life got overwhelming and I lost focus. We thought my wife had cancer and my mental health went to a bad place. I didn’t stay on top of things at work or communicate with my clients. I have no excuse. My wife’s okay now, and I’m in a better place. If you stick with me, I promise that won’t happen again. I can’t make up for the mistakes I’ve made, but in recognition of the frustration I’ve caused you, I’m going to waive the rest of my fee.”

I was stunned. In my experience, that kind of vulnerability and owning responsibility is rare. My entire perspective toward him changed, and the tension between us vanished. I expressed my concern for his wife and my sorrow for what he’d gone through. Then I thanked him for his honesty, his apology and for doing what he could to make things right. We ended the call on friendly terms, and he offered to answer any questions I had going forward free of charge.

Later that day, my wife and I received a call from an author friend. She’d spoken with our shared literary agent about a similar legal project and he recommended talking with us. She asked if we had an attorney we’d recommend. I told her if she’d called the day before I would have said no, but now I did. When I told her the story, she said, “I really respect someone who owns their mistakes and doesn’t back down from them. Give me his contact info. I’d work with that guy.”

Life is hard. Behind closed doors, everyone we encounter is facing some kind of struggle. That’s true for us too. Even so, my tendency is to hide my pain and mistakes, attempting to project an “I’ve got it all together” image to the world.

But my attorney’s courage challenged me. Far from making me think less of him, his transparency and ownership of his mistakes garnered my respect and compassion. Going forward, I’m going to try to follow his example. I have a sneaking suspicion that others may give me grace too.

So what struggles are you facing? Made any mistakes lately? Are you trying desperately to hide them? Try letting your guard down. Take off the happy mask. Be appropriately honest about your pain. Own your failures. If you do, I think you’ll find freedom and unexpected grace, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Jan 22, 2022.

The Deep Lesson of Walking Away

The deepest lessons take time to learn.

I love my life. My wife is an amazing partner. My kids are grown and thriving. I have a small group of good friends. I have my dream job of being an author. I still encounter stress, frustration, and hard times, but overall, life is good.

As I reflected recently on how I arrived at this wonderful season, I realized a critical factor—what I walked away from was as important as what I walked toward.

My wife and I got married when I was still in college. Knowing what I’d found in her, I chose to walk away from the freedom of single life to walk toward a committed relationship.

We made a conscious decision to have children early. While our friends were having fun, we were changing diapers. We walked away from the more carefree childless life to walk toward long, meaningful years of investing deeply in our kids. 

Given the flexibility of our author careers, my wife and I can live anywhere. We enjoy travel and have seen a lot of wonderful places. When we chose where to plant roots a few years ago, we decided to move not to the most beautiful place we could go, but to the place where we had deep friendships. We walked away from novelty to walk toward relationships.

After decades of hard work, I had a comfortable music career. It was easy and fun, with low responsibility. But it didn’t challenge or excite me anymore, and it tied me to a strict rehearsal and performance schedule. I walked away from comfortable familiarity to walk toward a new, high-risk author career.

Saying no to good things made room for better things. What I walked away from was as important as what I walked toward.

I’m learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.

a.g.

What do you need to walk away from? Maybe it’s a relationship that has become more baggage than ballast. Maybe it’s a career that’s grown stagnant. Maybe it’s a superficial sense of freedom. Picture the life you’d truly love to live. Look honestly at each area of your life now. Decide what you need to walk away from in order to walk toward something better. If you do, you’ll find deeper meaning and joy, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

The post was originally published Aug 20, 2022.

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