Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Being is More Important Than Doing

Sometimes simple words are best.

I recently read a reflection on a deep truth—being is more important than doing. 

It’s a familiar concept, but as I’d just come off a busy season of travel and writing deadlines, the reminder hit home. I felt my breath deepen and my shoulders relax. Yes. Doing is good. Being is better.

Here are those simple words from the pen of the late author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen:

I suspect that we too often have lost contact with the source of our own existence and have become strangers in our own house. We tend to run around trying to solve the problems of our world while anxiously avoiding confrontation with that reality wherein our problems find their deepest roots: our own selves. In many ways we are like the busy executive who walks up to a precious flower and says: “What for God’s sake are you doing here? Can’t you get busy somehow?” and then finds the flower’s response incomprehensible: “I am sorry, but I am just here to be beautiful.

How can we also come to this wisdom of the flower that being is more important than doing? How can we come to a creative contact with the grounding of our own life?

henri nouwen

Take time to pause. Breath deep. Be still. Do nothing. Reconnect with the source of your identity, be that God, the universe, or whatever forms the core of your being. If you do, you’ll take another relaxed step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Aug 13, 2022. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.  Shared in the August 6, 2022 Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society.

Trudging Through a Winter Season

I’m so tired. 

My wife Lisa and I are at the tail end of a lengthy book tour. While I’m incredibly grateful for the exciting and rewarding opportunity, it’s been demanding and exhausting. We both got sick with lingering ear and sinus infections as we plowed through a seemingly endless stream of school visits, bookstore events, and flights around the country. In the midst of it all, my elderly mom had a serious health crisis which led to a week in ICU, and she’s facing a long and difficult recovery. 

It’s one of those seasons. No amount of money, planning, or preparation can avoid them. Rain falls on us all from time to time. The only control we have is how we choose to respond to the storm. 

I’m a glass-half-full person. I try to have a positive outlook, to see the cloud’s silver lining. That perspective provides energy and hope to move forward, and helps me avoid wallowing in destructive negativity. 

But it can also lead me to slap a smiley-face bandage on a gunshot wound. I sometimes refuse to acknowledge real pain, subconsciously burying it deep to avoid facing the unanswerable questions suffering brings—why did this happen? What good can come of it? What’s the point of it all?

I’m trying to find my balance in this storm. To allow myself to recognize the biting flies and feel my aching feet as I trudge through this dark valley, while still lifting my eyes to the distant, beautiful mountain I’m heading toward. It’s not an easy task. But with time, rest, prayer, and the support of my inner circle, I’m finding my way.

If you’re in a winter season, acknowledge the frost and stinging cold. The treacherous footing. The difficult climb up the snow covered slope. But remember that however long the night, the sun will rise. Spring is coming. You’ll feel the warm breeze caress your face and breathe the delicate scent of flowers again. You are not alone on the road, and every struggling footfall brings you one step closer to Becoming Yourself.

A Surprising Secret to Increased Joy and Productivity

“See what happens when you tune your pace to the trickle of a stream, or the waft of a lazy breeze.”

chris advansun

This one is tricky for me.

I’m a list person. Few things give me more satisfaction than crossing things off my to-do list. I have a hard time relaxing when there are daily tasks left undone. So I often unconsciously drive myself through each one, trying to grind it out, mark it off and move quickly to the next.

That’s not a fun way to live. It can be productive, for awhile. But that approach often leaves me tense, exhausted and short-tempered. And when I finally do reach that free time at the end of the day, I’m often wired and irritable.

When I first read the above quote, my honest thought was, “That sounds nice, but you won’t get much done that way.”

I think I was wrong.

I’ve been experimenting with this approach. Moving more unhurriedly. Pausing more frequently to gaze out the window, chat with my wife or make an extra cup of tea. In short, taking my time.

It will come as no surprise to learn that I find those days far more relaxing and enjoyable than my striving ones. But I’ve also discovered that I get an amazing amount done. At the end of the day, I look back in astonishment at my productivity, especially because I often feel good versus feeling like a wrung-out sponge. It seems so counterintuitive.

This approach reminds me of my Uncle Fred. He’s a soft-spoken southern gentleman, kindhearted and full of simple wisdom. He talks seldom, but when he does, everyone listens because he only speaks when there’s something worthwhile to say.

My dad used to work construction with Uncle Fred. He told me that Fred was the most deceptively fast worker he ever saw. Whenever he’d see Fred on the construction site, my uncle was never in a hurry, always moving through the job with a casual grace. But at the end of the day, he’d done more work than anyone.

I could conjecture about why this approach to life works. How a gentler pace helps you think more clearly, lessons stress, increases motivation, and aids in connecting with others and with God or your Higher Power, if you have one. But the point is that it works, at least for me.

So I’m trying to make this my new normal. It’s not easy to recode fifty plus years worth of programming, but I’m making slow progress. And the rewards are motivating me to keep going.

How about you? Is your approach to your daily tasks more like a trickling stream or a raging river? Closer to a lazy breeze or a hurricane? Pause often. Take a few deep breaths. Gaze out the window. Play calming music. Imagine a stream or a breeze. You’ll find a more enjoyable and productive life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Nov 13, 2021.

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