Developing a Better You

Month: January 2020

How to Connect With God: My Daily Practice

In last week’s post How to Find Direction in Life’s Fog, I wrote that, during confusing times in my life, God was my best source of “fog burning sun.” In response, a regular reader asked if I would share some of my process for how I connect with God.

Honestly, I was hesitant. While I often write about how my spiritual perspective helps me become a better version of myself, I know that some of you come from different faiths or no faith at all. I respect that, and don’t want to come across as “preachy” or forceful of my worldview. My goal is simply to share things I’ve learned on my personal development journey that may help you walk your own path, whatever path that may be.

Then I remembered something – many of the best things I’ve learned from others did not come from their insights on a particular topic, but from their sharing the ways they practice personal development in their own lives. Even if they come from a very different perspective, I almost always glean a helpful idea or tool.

So with that in mind, I decided to share a brief overview of how I approach the “how to connect with God” question. If this isn’t for you, feel free to stop reading now and check out the another post on the site or wait for next week’s installment. Still interested? Read on.

How to Connect With God

To give some context for my practices, here are some of my fundamental beliefs:

  • A loving, powerful, intelligent, eternal Higher Power exists and is the creative force behind the universe (I use the term God, but this power goes by many names).
  • God wants to be known but will not force Herself/Himself on us (God is beyond gender binaries).
  • A life-giving, intimate, conversational relationship with God is possible.

Why I believe those particular things is not the purpose of this post. That said, here is my daily process of connecting with God:

MORNING

I start the day with a five-minute stretching routine while I steep a cup of hot Tetley brand English black tea in my Harry Potter tumbler. I sit in a comfortable chair in the library corner of our apartment and begin a practice with three loosely structured parts:

Listening

For 10-15 minutes, I center myself in silence. Sometimes I close my eyes, sometimes I leave them open, depending on what feels right or how sleepy I am. Some days I let my thoughts wander. Other times, I use various meditation techniques like centering prayer, or focusing on my breathing, a word (God, love, peace, etc.) or an image (a lonely beach, a mountain meadow, a fireplace, etc.). The particular technique isn’t important. The goal here is to quiet my mind and heart to a listening posture where I’m receptive to anything God might bring to my mind.

Talking

After listening, I begin talking with God. I start with thanking God for who She/He is to me and for things I’m grateful for. Then I think about people and situations I care about and ask God to provide them with the help they need. Finally, I consider my own needs and desires and express those to God, asking for strength and guidance to live well. This usually takes about 30 minutes.

how to connect with God
My chair in our corner library

Learning

After talking with God, I read some type of spiritual writing for 10-15 minutes. I’ve read and studied the Bible for many years, but lately have been drawn to other writings such as The Diary of an Old Soul by George MacDonald (spiritual poetry about pursuing God), Walking With God by John Eldredge (was incredibly helpful for me in establishing conversational intimacy with God), and the daily emails from Richard Rohr (a Franciscan priest, author, and teacher who founded the Center for Action and Contemplation in New Mexico). After reading, I listen to a spiritually focused podcast while I run the stairwell in our apartment building for about 20 minutes. Current favorites are Another Name for Everything by Richard Rohr and The RobCast by Rob Bell.

That is the cornerstone of my connection with God routine. It usually takes about 75-90 minutes. As a writer with a flexible schedule and a 50 year old empty nester, I can take that extended time in the mornings. I’ve done some version of a Listening / Talking / Learning routine regularly for 40 years, starting with 2 minutes for each section and building gradually. This included seasons where I was in school, working day jobs with set schedules, and raising young kids. It’s definitely harder during some stretches than others, but with tenacity and a little creativity, it can be done. I believe we make time for the things we truly consider important.

AFTERNOON

Throughout the day, I try to maintain an “unstructured awareness” of God’s presence through intermittent thoughts and spontaneous, silent conversation with God while I write, run errands, do chores, watch TV, whatever. A wonderful little book that taught me this concept is The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.

EVENING

Before bed, I stand on our balcony and talk through the day with God. Did I use it well? Accomplish what I set out to do? Learn or experience anything new? Even on hard days, I try to thank God for good things like health, relationships, a home, food, God’s presence, and meaningful work. Combined with my morning routine, these practices bookend my connection with God, providing both a positive start and a peaceful close to each day.

So there’s my personal take on how to connect with God. Take anything that may be of value to you and toss the rest. If you have questions or would like clarification or expansion on anything, please leave a comment below or email me through the “Contact” tab above. If you’re willing to leave a comment sharing how you connect with God, I’d love to read it.

Whatever road you choose, I wish you all the best on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Find Direction in Life’s Fog

Recently I woke up to this view from my apartment’s balcony:

Two hours later, it looked like this:

What caused the dramatic change? The sun. It rose above a cloud bank and burned away the fog.

It felt like a metaphor for my life. Sometimes I find myself in seasons of struggle, confusion, or disappointment where I feel surrounded by fog, unable to see the way ahead or understand what’s happening to me. No matter how hard I strain or squint, I can’t see my way through. I need an outside source, a “sun”, to burn the fog away, to help me find clarity and direction.

In those seasons, the outside source I’ve found most helpful is God. I know that’s a non-starter for some of you, or that you may have a different name for your higher power. I respect that. I’m just stating that in my experience, God has been a better “fog burning” source than anything else I’ve tried. Better than parents or friends or therapists. Better than teachers or gurus or my own gut instinct. Better than self-help books or podcasts or blog posts. Those are all wonderful things but when taken as ends in themselves, each has their limitations.

Yet when God is the lens through which I see the world, and I turn to those other sources in the context of seeking God first, they are often the very ways in which I receive the direction and guidance I need. Somehow, apart from that perspective, those things aren’t as helpful to me. If that sounds mysterious or counterintuitive, I guess I’d say… it is. But I’ve learned to be okay with embracing the mystery.

What I’m really trying to say is this – putting in the effort to seek a relationship with God and learn to hear Her direction, in whatever form, has been the best solution I’ve found to finding my way through the fog of life.

So how about you? How do you find direction? What cuts through the fog in your life? What outside source acts as your “sun”? What skill or relationship or practice can you invest in now to help you better connect with that source? Make the effort. When the next fog bank rolls in, you’ll be glad you did. And you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Be Happy (Part 2): Embrace It All

In the spirit of the holidays, this is part 2 of a story I originally posted in November of 2017 that reminds us that our inner child still has lessons to teach…

So I solved the mystery of the ghost light. You can read part 1 of my true life ghost story here. On day six of the adventure, I rose before dawn to find the light once again glimmering on the hillside. My back was on the mend and I was up early enough to give ghost hunting another go. My wife, Lisa, took her post on our deck while I grabbed my flashlight and headed out to unravel the mystery once and for all.

I made my way to the summit and quickly scrambled down a now almost familiar route. As I stood among the brambles, I clicked off my flashlight and looked around. Nothing. I called Lisa. She could still see the elusive light so I worked my way across the slope following her directions. Finally she said excitedly, “You’re right on top of it!” I looked around, bewildered. Our ghost was still winning its game of hide and seek.

Then I saw it. Fifteen feet farther down the slope, I could just make out a glow coming from beneath a bush. The upward angle of Lisa’s vantage point gave her the illusion that I had reached our ghost when I was really above it. I made my way toward the mysterious light as quickly as I dared, my wounded ankle reminding me of the price of haste.

Finally, I was staring down at the ghost light. And I was still utterly confused. A strip of greenish light about six feet long and four inches wide was glowing on the ground before me. It looked as if someone had tagged the mountain with glowing spray paint. I scoured the nearby ground trying to find its source but came up empty. I wondered if perhaps it actually was glowing paint so I bent down to touch it. When I saw the shadow of my hand, I knew it wasn’t paint. I stepped to the lower end of the luminous stripe and it disappeared, lost in my shadow. It was coming from somewhere behind me. Completely mystified, I turned around and looked down the slope, both on the mountain and in the backyards of my neighbors, in an attempt to find the origin of this weird light. Nothing.

My first view without zoom

Wracking my brain for other possibilities, I paused for a moment to take in the view of the lights from other neighborhoods far in the distance. And then I froze. Rubbed my eyes and looked again. It couldn’t be. About a half mile away, in a completely different neighborhood, someone had erected a giant green spotlight in their yard. And not just any spotlight. A nuclear powered spotlight. Even at that distance, I literally couldn’t stare directly at it because it was so blinding. I held my hand up toward it and my skin was bathed in a greenish glow. I had found our ghost.

With partial zoom

But what about the way we saw the light dim and brighten, swirl and dance? Had we imagined it? Then it hit me. Trees. Either in their yard or somewhere in between, tree branches waving in the breeze had moved across this giant laser beam and given the illusion of a ghostly light dancing on our mountain.

I stood there in stunned silence, a thousand thoughts going through my head. Why in the world would a person put a giant green mega-watt spotlight in their yard? To be honest, I felt let down that the explanation wasn’t a little more exotic. After all that wondering and speculating and stumbling through rugged terrain in the dark, it was a spotlight. A strange but very terrestrial spotlight. But I also felt a great sense of accomplishment. I had done it! I had solved the mystery of The Ghost Light of Whisper Mountain.

With full zoom

So what does this story have to do with learning how to be happy? I think one of many keys to being happy is this – choose to embrace it all. Every step you take. Every stage you go through. Every season you’re in. Try to find the joy in wherever you find yourself on your journey. In this case, I loved that week of mystery, wondering what the light could be, talking with Lisa about it, racing up the mountain in the dark with friends. The wonder-and-investigate stage was fun. And though its conclusion was less than supernatural, I loved solving the puzzle. I enjoyed the feeling of pride that came from putting in the work and unmasking the ghost. Rather than focusing on the disappointment of discovering my distant neighbor’s odd choice of landscape lighting, I’m reveling in a case well solved and looking forward to the next mystery that life brings my way.

I think this idea needs a little more unpacking but I’ll save that for my next post. For now, in your search for happiness, choose to embrace it all. Try to find the good, the beauty, the joy hidden in every situation. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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