I understand the skepticism. We’ve all heard too many “get rich or skinny quick” sales pitches to believe such a claim easily. All I can say is one simple exercise has worked wonders for my emotional and mental health.
Every night before bed, I gaze out the window at the dark skyline and reflect on things I’m thankful for. Things that went well that day. Tasks I accomplished. Meaningful conversations I had. Beautiful things I saw. Something that made me laugh or smile. People I spent time with. Even on hard, crushing, frustrating days, I can be grateful for health, for family, for a roof over my head and food to eat. For the gift of sleep and the hope of a new day.
That’s it. It really is that simple. Those few minutes of intentional thankfulness foster a positive, healthy perspective and help me avoid a victim mentality.
I’m glad that in the U.S. we have an annual holiday centered on being thankful, but a habit of daily gratitude is far more impactful.
Celebrate well this Thanksgiving weekend. Enjoy rest, family, friends, and good food. Then carry a little bit of Thanksgiving with you everyday. Establish a three-minute thankfulness routine. If you do, your emotional and mental health will rise, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Living in Phoenix Arizona has made me a wimp when it comes to low temperatures. But since I love to walk in the mornings, I donned multiple layers and headed out into the 32 degree Michigan sunrise (I know 32 degrees Fahrenheit is not that cold—like I said, a wimp).
Strolling through my sister-in-law’s quiet neighborhood was invigorating. The crisp air. The brilliant blue sky. The burnt orange autumn leaves. I leaned into the season and savored its gifts.
My wife and I were in Michigan to visit our families, including our aging parents. All in their eighties, they are in the winter season of life, which places us in a season of increased care-giving. Watching them navigate the joys and challenges of aging is both heartening and painful.
The chilly temperatures and my elderly loved ones got me thinking about life’s seasons. The blend of good times and hard times is as inevitable as summer and winter, spring and fall. We can’t avoid seasons, but we can choose how we respond to them.
Not surprisingly, I’ve often tried to cling to a good season, hoping to make it last. It seldom works. More often than not, I spoil the ending. The petals of the once-beautiful flower whither and fall, while I add water in vain.
In hard times, my default is to rush through as fast as possible. Once the unpleasant season is completed, I do my best to stuff it down and forget the dark days’ bitter wind, missing the opportunity for growth.
I’m trying to learn a better approach:
Embrace each season as it comes, welcoming its presence, knowing it’s necessary for my growth.
Savor the good seasons and cherish the meaningful memories they bring.
Face the hard seasons with grace and open myself to the lessons they teach.
At the appointed time, let each season go with gratitude.
What season of life are you in? Spring? Summer? Autumn? Winter? Embrace it. Savor the good. Learn from the hard. Let them go. If you do, your growth will flourish, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
When it comes to personal growth, Simplicity is beautiful, necessary, and eventually toxic.
I recently read this perspective on Simplicity:
Just as all higher mathematics depends on learning basic arithmetic, and just as all more sophisticated music depends on mastering the basics of tempo, melody, and harmony, the spiritual life depends on learning well the essential lessons of this first season, Simplicity. If these lessons aren’t learned well, practitioners will struggle in later seasons. But if in due time this season doesn’t give way to the next, the spiritual life can grow stagnant and even toxic.
Nearly all of us in this dynamic season of Simplicity tend to share a number of characteristics. We see the world in simple dualist terms: we are the good guys who follow the good authority figures and we have the right answers; they are the bad guys who consciously or unconsciously fight on the wrong side of the cosmic struggle between good and evil. We feel a deep sense of identity and belonging in our in-group…. This simple, dualist faith gives us great confidence.
This confidence, of course, has a danger, as the old Bob Dylan classic “With God on Our Side” makes clear: “You don’t count the dead when God’s on your side.” [1] The same sense of identification with an in-group that generates a warm glow of belonging and motivates sacrificial action for us can sour into intolerance, hatred, and even violence toward them. And the same easy, black-and-white answers that comfort and reassure us now may later seem arrogant, naive, ignorant, and harmful, if we don’t move beyond Simplicity in the fullness of time.
Brian McLaren, Naked Spirituality: A Life with God in 12 Simple Words
I resonate with this idea that the season of Simplicity is important and necessary, but if we don’t move beyond it, it becomes harmful. It’s like refusing to stop using training wheels or not changing shoes when we grow out of them. I see it in people who isolate themselves in echo chambers, only listening to and believing those who agree with them, seeing ideas or information that challenge their established opinions as harmful, wrong, or even evil.
I understand the appeal. Reevaluating long held beliefs and positions is hard work and requires sometimes painful growth. It’s far easier to entrench ourselves, put our heads down, and assign malign motives to those on the other side of the spiritual / political / social / racial divide. I’ve done that more times than I like to admit.
While attractive, it’s not a recipe for a healthy, vibrant life or society. If we are serious about personal development, we MUST allow ourselves to be challenged, to reevaluate our deeply held positions (you can read about my spiritual reconstruction journey beginning withthis post). It takes effort and intentionality, but the freedom and joy gained is more than worth the price.
So how about you? Do you need to grow from Simplicity to Complexity? Listen to those who hold different viewpoints. Read other perspectives. Talk with a variety of people. Ask sincere questions and really listen. Consider honestly what you’ve heard. If you do, you’ll feel the vibrancy of growth, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
[1] Bob Dylan, “With God on Our Side,” The Times They Are A-Changin’ (New York: Columbia, 1964).
Brian D. McLaren, Naked Spirituality: A Life with God in 12 Simple Words (New York: HarperOne, 2011), 29, 30.
