The Power of Saying NO

As a busy summer travel schedule combines with multiple deadlines for my upcoming debut book series (MONSTERIOUS, publishing May 2023), I find myself in need of this reminder—it’s okay to say NO. I wrote a post on this topic a year ago, and it became one of the most popular on my site. I’m sharing it again in case you need this message as much as I do on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

I obviously touched a nerve.

Recently, I was looking for something to post on Instagram. The small piece of pink paper my wife taped to our bathroom mirror caught my eye.

I took a quick photo and posted it with the following caption:

“We have this copy of a letter from Charlotte’s Web author E. B. White taped to our mirror to remind us of two things: 1. It’s okay to say no to even “good” opportunities and 2. We don’t have to explain why.”

Over the next few days, it racked up 20 times more likes than one of my posts normally receives, along with passionate comments. I was floored.

So what was it about this letter that resonated so deeply with so many? I think the answers lie in the caption:

1. It’s okay to say no to even “good” opportunities.

What greater recognition of your status and accomplishments than to be asked by a sitting president to serve on a national board in your field? What greater opportunity or honor? And yet author E. B. White greeted that offer with a seemingly casual, “Nah, I’m good.” His example gives the rest of us a deep sense of permission to say no to opportunities of far less prestige. 

2. We don’t have to explain why.

“I must decline, for secret reasons.” How brilliant is that? Most of us live in a society where we feel immense pressure to make excuses or provide rationalizations for saying no to unsolicited requests for our time and energy. E. B. White’s response flips that notion on its head. He simply states, “No thanks, and I’m under no obligation to tell you why.” What an incredibly freeing example of unapologetically owning one’s own life and schedule.

I’m doing my best to incorporate the lessons of this simple letter into my own life. I know that my dream of becoming a published author isn’t going to happen unless I say a polite but firm “NO” to all kinds of “good” or “worthy” opportunities that other people put in front of me. The good really is the enemy of the best.

So how about you? Do you struggle to say no? Do you feel that constant pressure to explain yourself? Clarify what’s most important to you. Keep your eyes locked on your dreams. Be quick with a polite but firm “no” to “good” opportunities that get in the way of the best. If you do, you’ll have a richer, more satisfying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Originally published June 19, 2021.