My friend Susan Stocker is a licensed clinical therapist with decades of experience. She’s also a great writer. One of her recent blog posts was so insightful that I decided to share it (you can follow her excellent blog here). I bolded some lines that spoke to me. I hope you find it as helpful as I did on your journey toward Becoming Yourself. (This post was originally published in July 2021).
Are you feeling like this tree? You know the feelings: exhaustion, crankiness, dissatisfaction, criticism of self and others, self-pity, envy of others, unhappiness, racing thoughts, sadness, grief, anger — the list goes on and on. We’re trooping along doing pretty well, and then we slide down the slippery slope. We don’t feel like ourselves. We don’t want to be around anyone else. Yet, we’re lonely.
How do we pull ourselves back up that hill and get back on level ground?
The good news is: we’re the only one who can change the way we feel.
The bad news is: we’re the only one who can change the way we feel.
My friend, Marsha, heads for the sofa and a nap, snuggling with her dog. My sister-in-law puts on her shoes and goes for a walk. Some people call a friend and have a bitch session. Some people head for the tub and a long, leisurely soak. I know one woman who bakes something when she gets the blues. Many people put on music and sing or dance or just let the music smooth away the rough places. People pray, meditate, or write letters to someone they know is feeling even worse than they are.
Feeling down is a natural part of the rhythm of life. Some days we feel inexplicably good — positive, energized, competent and happy. Other days we feel inexplicably bad — negative, lethargic, incompetent and unhappy. Who knows why or how or when. That all seems as unpredictable as the weather and as out of our control as the stock market.
One of the things we were taught in counseling classes is to always eliminate the physical possibilities first. Are we getting sick, are we dehydrated, did we forget our medicine or our vitamins, have we eaten enough protein or carbs or veggies or fruit? Have we been pushing too hard physically, or perhaps we haven’t been moving enough? Do we need a walk in the woods, or a bike ride with the wind in our face, or a serious workout in the gym? Or some gentle yoga?
Secondly, let’s check out the intellectual aspects. Is our brain fried? Have we been working too hard, struggling to meet deadlines and trying to prove our worth? Or perhaps the opposite is true? Maybe we’re bored and need some intellectual stimulation. Is it time to get back to the Sudoku or the crosswords or to find a stimulating book? Have we been feasting on mindless television or video games? Not properly feeding our minds is as detrimental as not properly feeding our bodies.
Third, what’s happening emotionally? Do we need a deep talk with a friend or lover? Is a relationship on auto-pilot? Maybe we need to get into therapy and have what some of my clients call “a check-up.” Are we feeling our feelings or numbing out? Are we engaged in meaningful relationships with at least one or two people or are we floating aimlessly? Are we in an uneven relationship where we’re either giving or getting more than the other person? Sometimes simply talking to someone we love about our relationship is incredibly healing and surprisingly easy: “Are you feeling my care for you? It matters to me and I want you to thrive in our relationship.”
Fourth, we need to take our spiritual temperature. Are we seeing that moon at which we look? Are we hearing the birds? Do we feel soulfully alive and connected to the universe and the powers that bring us our every breath? Everyone’s spiritual life is different, but each of us has a spiritual life which needs tending and attention. One of the quickest ways I know to feel in harmony with our own soul is to merely take a moment and say, “Thank you.” I don’t know about you, but I can’t make myself keep breathing. I wasn’t creative enough to design a cat who can purr or a dog who is unerringly loyal. I can’t keep the stars in the sky or the ocean replenishing herself. Thank you seems the least we can say.
Peace and love, my friends. Susan
Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.
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