When I read the following post from my good friend and fellow blogger Susan Stocker, I immediately decided to share it. In her candidly honest yet warmly hopeful style, she addresses the reality of feeling alone in a season characterized by togetherness (check out her wonderful blog here). I hope you find it helpful during the holidays as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
No matter which holiday we celebrate, the message is the same: gather with family and friends. “It’s all about being together!”
That is a real challenge for many of us.
Obviously, some of us are single. Actually, we are not the worst off. Being physically alone is a walk in the park compared to being emotionally estranged from those in the same room or the same bed.
Being physically or emotionally alone for the holidays is a test of creativity, courage, common sense, and, definitely, faith.
What most single, alienated people use to get through the holidays is distraction. Chinese take-out and a movie marathon? Volunteering? A bout of over-indulging the night before so the actual holiday is nothing but ginger ale and Saltines? Distraction works to pass the time, but not to celebrate the holiday.
We can also distract ourselves by thinking of those suffering with fresh grief, fighting for their lives in the hospital, or serving the country overseas. That’s an honorable thing to contemplate — others have it much worse. But negating our own feelings of solitary separation is not fair to ourselves.
We may be alone for the holiday — whether physically or emotionally. What are we going to do to be true to ourselves and true to whatever we’re celebrating?
It seems to me we need to sit with the facts. The romanticizing of “holidays” is not a fact, it’s an ad campaign. How much money would the holidays generate if each of us celebrated the actual meaning of the holiday in our hearts instead of in over-decorated, over-populated, over-fed, over-gifted, overwhelming festivities?
Facing the holidays alone is an opportunity. Stripped of all the tinsel and wrapping paper, we’re faced with ourselves and our faith. If our faith is inadequate to time spent alone, we may want to attend to that. Ultimately, we will find ourselves alone in some dark night of the soul. Hopefully, when we do, we will sit it out and stick it out and sweat it out until finally we realize we are not alone and could never be alone.
Praying for each of you a faith big enough to hold you. Love, Susan
This post was originally published Dec 18, 2021. Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.
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