It’s odd to think of befriending death.
Most of us have learned to fear death—the ending of our earthly identity, of all we know. The painful separation from loved ones. Facing the uncertain beyond.
But this idea of befriending death rings true for me. I’ve been working on it for many years. My spiritual worldview that this life is not the end certainly helps. Even if that’s not your belief, I think there’s wisdom in the following words that can help your life become fuller, richer, and deeper. Whether we exist beyond the grave or not, I hope this perspective helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Our first task is to befriend death. I like that expression “to befriend.” I first heard it used by Jungian analyst James Hillman when he attended a seminar I taught on Christian Spirituality at Yale Divinity School. He emphasized the importance of “befriending”: befriending your dreams, befriending your shadow, befriending your unconscious. He made it convincingly clear that in order to become full human beings, we have to claim the totality of our experience; we come to maturity by integrating not only the light but also the dark side of our story into our selfhood. That made a lot of sense to me, since I am quite familiar with my own inclination, and that of others, to avoid, deny, or suppress the painful side of life, a tendency that always leads to physical, mental, or spiritual disaster. . . .
I have a deep sense, hard to articulate, that if we could really befriend death we would be free people. So many of our doubts and hesitations, ambivalences and insecurities are bound up with our deep-seated fear of death that our lives would be significantly different if we could relate to death as a familiar guest instead of as a threatening stranger.
henri nouwen, you are the beloved
Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust, published by Convergent Books. As featured in the Sept 17, 2023 Daily Meditation by The Henri Nouwen Society
Sometimes I’m not very smart. In my search for meaning, joy, and a life well-lived,…
One of the main reasons I started this blog in 2017 was to map my…
I’d never written a eulogy before. My 82-year-old mom fell on February 18, 2024. She…
Life is hard right now. My mom's serious medical issue that I mentioned in a…
Spoiler alert—the needs of the world are endless. Poverty. Disease. Human trafficking. Food shortage. Climate…
It’s Easter. While for many of us, Easter is a time of bunnies, chocolate eggs,…
View Comments
Hey Matt, love this topic. As I'm further advanced in years than you it is a topic that is very relevant to me and although I had never thought of it as "befriending" death that is a great comparison. Recently I was in the waiting room at my cardiologist's office and they rolled a man in a wheelchair out of the room. I could tell by looking that he had no idea of where he was or what was happening. He was dressed in a hospital gown so I assumed he was either in a care facility or a hospital. Seeing him reconfirmed my decision to not cling to this life with all my strength and financial being to just remain here. There is something much better waiting for me. Thank you my friend for reinforcing that belief in your thought sharing today. Dennis
I so love your perspective, Dennis. That is really helpful to me as I continue to wrestle with this concept myself. Thanks so much for sharing! Hope you all are well :)