The 4 D’s: A Sustainable Response to Suffering

Spoiler alert—the needs of the world are endless.

Poverty. Disease. Human trafficking. Food shortage. Climate change. Homelessness. Income inequality. Racism. Cancer. War. Political division. The list goes on.

For anyone who cares about the well-being of others, this deluge of suffering can be overwhelming. It certainly is for me at times. The problems of the world seem like a vast mountain peak, and in its looming shadow, I feel incredibly small.

In the past, I’ve fallen into three responses to the world’s pain:

1. DENY – I look away. Pretend the problems aren’t there. Focus on my own needs and desires. Cling to my distractions. Operate out of selfishness.

2. DESPAIR – Help a little here. Give a little there. Half-heartedly attempt a few good deeds without any plan or purpose because deep down it all feels hopeless. Operate out of guilt.

3. DESTROY – Become consumed with serving others. Act like it all depends on me. Drive myself to exhaustion. Operate out of duty.

None of these responses proved healthy or effective long term. But is there a better way? I think some keys can be found in this quote by the late Henri Nouwen, a highly regarded author, lecturer, and Harvard professor who left his enviable position to work with mentally challenged adults:

The more I think about the human suffering in our world and my desire to offer a healing response, the more I realize how crucial it is not to allow myself to become paralyzed by feelings of impotence and guilt. More important than ever is to be very faithful to my vocation to do well the few things I am called to do and hold on to the joy and peace they bring me.

henri nouwen

The healthy response to suffering that Henri describes is:

4. DEVOTION – Acknowledge the world’s pain without being consumed by it. Find one or two areas of suffering that resonate with your heart. Use your gifts to address them well. Let other areas go. Embrace the joy and peace you find along the way. Operate out of love.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.

Kenneth Untener in honor of Bishop Oscar Romero

Finding and maintaining a healthy response to suffering isn’t easy, but it is possible. Find where your passions meet the world’s needs. Use your gifts to meet them in sustainable ways. Rest. Let go. Trust that others will shoulder the burdens you were never meant to carry. Be joyful. Remember that you are loved. Love yourself. Operate out of that love. If you do, you’ll do your small part to ease the sufferings of the world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books. As shown in the Dec 21, 2022 daily meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society.

Prayer written by Kenneth Untener (bishop of Saginaw, Michigan, 1980–2004) in 1979 to honor Bishop Romero. See Scott Wright, Oscar Romero and the Communion of Saints: A Biography (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2009), 153–154.

This post was originally published Jan 7, 2023.