Do You Have a Child’s Perspective on Pain?

I was walking through a Pediatric Intensive Care Unit to visit my niece when I heard a child screaming. Loudly. I glanced through an open doorway and saw five doctors and nurses bent low over a little boy, performing some type of procedure. Whatever was going on, the young patient was not happy about it.

As I walked on, I tried to imagine what that child must be thinking. From his limited understanding and perspective, he just knew a group of scary strangers was causing him pain. He was screaming to let everyone know that he wanted the pain to stop. Now. I’m guessing that in the child’s eyes, the ones causing the pain were bad and out to hurt him. Given my interaction with the caring and professional staff, I had no doubt they were doing something important and necessary for the boy’s healing, but he didn’t see it that way.

That experience led me to ask myself a question – how often am I like that child? I face some type of affliction, and my first reaction is to cry out in fear and frustration and do whatever I can to stop the pain. Soon after, I start assigning harmful motivates to the person or God or fate or the universe or whatever I perceive to be the cause of my suffering.

Over time, I’ve learned that those reactions to pain are seldom beneficial. My perceptions about my own suffering often don’t match reality. Like the discomfort caused by the medical staff to that child, sometimes pain is necessary for my healing and long-term good. While far from being enjoyable, pain can serve as a healthy catalyst to my desired growth and development. And similar to a coach pushing an athlete through arduous training to help them achieve their goals or a parent disciplining a child to develop their character, sometimes those who inflict pain on us are motivated not by malice but by love.

I’ve come to realize that, like the child in the hospital, I’m often a poor judge of what’s best for me. My judgements tend to be extremely short-sighted. Time and again I’ve done whatever I could to alleviate my emotional, mental, or spiritual pain in the moment only to regret it later. I think this is caused partly by my own failings, partly by my human nature, and partly by the limitations of my brain. I have huge respect for what we human beings can accomplish, but our minds aren’t all powerful. We’re not equipped to grasp all the complexities of life or to see all the long-term consequences of our choices.

So if I want to make the best choices for my life and become the best version of myself, I need help from someone who can see around corners. Someone bigger and smarter. Someone who has a better grasp on the Big Picture and has my best interests at heart. I believe I’ve found that someone in God. I know that’s a non-starter for some of you, and I respect that. I’m just sharing what’s worked for me. By cultivating a relationship with God, I feel like I have someone guiding and helping me on my journey in a way that no one else can. It’s helped me to be less reactionary, more peaceful, and to see my pain in a more wholistic light.

So how about you? What’s your perspective on pain? As you experience the inevitable trials of life, I’d encourage you to pause. Take a breath. Look for ways the discomfort can help you heal. Make you better. Make you stronger. This won’t always be the case, but before jumping to assume harmful motives, consider the possibility that there’s something deeper going on, something for your long-term good. Maybe there’s actually Someone looking out for you. And regardless of where it comes from, as best you can, embrace your pain and use it to grow. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.