Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 1 of 56)

Being is More Important Than Doing

March 23, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Sometimes simple words are best.

I recently read a reflection on a deep truth—being is more important than doing. 

It’s a familiar concept, but as I’d just come off a busy season of travel and writing deadlines, the reminder hit home. I felt my breath deepen and my shoulders relax. Yes. Doing is good. Being is better.

Here are those simple words from the pen of the late author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen:

I suspect that we too often have lost contact with the source of our own existence and have become strangers in our own house. We tend to run around trying to solve the problems of our world while anxiously avoiding confrontation with that reality wherein our problems find their deepest roots: our own selves. In many ways we are like the busy executive who walks up to a precious flower and says: “What for God’s sake are you doing here? Can’t you get busy somehow?” and then finds the flower’s response incomprehensible: “I am sorry, but I am just here to be beautiful.

How can we also come to this wisdom of the flower that being is more important than doing? How can we come to a creative contact with the grounding of our own life?

henri nouwen

Take time to pause. Breath deep. Be still. Do nothing. Reconnect with the source of your identity, be that God, the universe, or whatever forms the core of your being. If you do, you’ll take another relaxed step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Aug 13, 2022. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.  Shared in the August 6, 2022 Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society.

A Surprising Secret to Increased Joy and Productivity

March 9, 2024 / / 0 Comments

“See what happens when you tune your pace to the trickle of a stream, or the waft of a lazy breeze.”

chris advansun

This one is tricky for me.

I’m a list person. Few things give me more satisfaction than crossing things off my to-do list. I have a hard time relaxing when there are daily tasks left undone. So I often unconsciously drive myself through each one, trying to grind it out, mark it off and move quickly to the next.

That’s not a fun way to live. It can be productive, for awhile. But that approach often leaves me tense, exhausted and short-tempered. And when I finally do reach that free time at the end of the day, I’m often wired and irritable.

When I first read the above quote, my honest thought was, “That sounds nice, but you won’t get much done that way.”

I think I was wrong.

I’ve been experimenting with this approach. Moving more unhurriedly. Pausing more frequently to gaze out the window, chat with my wife or make an extra cup of tea. In short, taking my time.

It will come as no surprise to learn that I find those days far more relaxing and enjoyable than my striving ones. But I’ve also discovered that I get an amazing amount done. At the end of the day, I look back in astonishment at my productivity, especially because I often feel good versus feeling like a wrung-out sponge. It seems so counterintuitive.

This approach reminds me of my Uncle Fred. He’s a soft-spoken southern gentleman, kindhearted and full of simple wisdom. He talks seldom, but when he does, everyone listens because he only speaks when there’s something worthwhile to say.

My dad used to work construction with Uncle Fred. He told me that Fred was the most deceptively fast worker he ever saw. Whenever he’d see Fred on the construction site, my uncle was never in a hurry, always moving through the job with a casual grace. But at the end of the day, he’d done more work than anyone.

I could conjecture about why this approach to life works. How a gentler pace helps you think more clearly, lessons stress, increases motivation, and aids in connecting with others and with God or your Higher Power, if you have one. But the point is that it works, at least for me.

So I’m trying to make this my new normal. It’s not easy to recode fifty plus years worth of programming, but I’m making slow progress. And the rewards are motivating me to keep going.

How about you? Is your approach to your daily tasks more like a trickling stream or a raging river? Closer to a lazy breeze or a hurricane? Pause often. Take a few deep breaths. Gaze out the window. Play calming music. Imagine a stream or a breeze. You’ll find a more enjoyable and productive life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Nov 13, 2021.

Find Freedom and Grace by Owning Your Mistakes

March 2, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I was mad.

I’d been working with an attorney on a small estate planning project. When the work dragged on longer than anticipated, I checked in for a progress report. He assured me it would be done the next day.

The next day came and went with no contact. I let a week go by then followed up again. No response. My inquiry two weeks after that also went unanswered. Finally after six weeks, I called his office. When I learned he was now on vacation, I explained the situation to the office manager and voiced my frustration. She apologized profusely and promised to have him get back to me.

A few days later, the completed project showed up in my email, followed by a phone call from the attorney. This is what he said:

“I want to start by apologizing. Over the last few months, my personal life got overwhelming and I lost focus. We thought my wife had cancer and my mental health went to a bad place. I didn’t stay on top of things at work or communicate with my clients. I have no excuse. My wife’s okay now, and I’m in a better place. If you stick with me, I promise that won’t happen again. I can’t make up for the mistakes I’ve made, but in recognition of the frustration I’ve caused you, I’m going to waive the rest of my fee.”

I was stunned. In my experience, that kind of vulnerability and owning responsibility is rare. My entire perspective toward him changed, and the tension between us vanished. I expressed my concern for his wife and my sorrow for what he’d gone through. Then I thanked him for his honesty, his apology and for doing what he could to make things right. We ended the call on friendly terms, and he offered to answer any questions I had going forward free of charge.

Later that day, my wife and I received a call from an author friend. She’d spoken with our shared literary agent about a similar legal project and he recommended talking with us. She asked if we had an attorney we’d recommend. I told her if she’d called the day before I would have said no, but now I did. When I told her the story, she said, “I really respect someone who owns their mistakes and doesn’t back down from them. Give me his contact info. I’d work with that guy.”

Life is hard. Behind closed doors, everyone we encounter is facing some kind of struggle. That’s true for us too. Even so, my tendency is to hide my pain and mistakes, attempting to project an “I’ve got it all together” image to the world.

But my attorney’s courage challenged me. Far from making me think less of him, his transparency and ownership of his mistakes garnered my respect and compassion. Going forward, I’m going to try to follow his example. I have a sneaking suspicion that others may give me grace too.

So what struggles are you facing? Made any mistakes lately? Are you trying desperately to hide them? Try letting your guard down. Take off the happy mask. Be appropriately honest about your pain. Own your failures. If you do, I think you’ll find freedom and unexpected grace, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Jan 22, 2022.

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