How to Find Happiness by Stretching Your Mind

The mind, once stretched by a new idea, can never return to its original dimensions.

Attributed to both Ralph Waldo Emerson and Oliver Wendell Holmes

“It was nice knowing you,” my chiropractor said, apologizing in advance for the sever pain he was about to inflict on me.

I was there seeking relief from chronic back pain following an injury. In his initial examination, my chiropractor told me that my hip flexor muscles were extremely tight and contributing to my back problem. He explained that he needed to loosen them before the adjustment and warned me that it wasn’t going to be pleasant. He was right. It hurt. A lot.

As I walked away with instructions on how to stretch my hip flexors, I was honestly surprised. I had been doing what I considered a pretty complete stretching routine every morning for years. It turned out I’d completely missed this area. It was a blind spot I never realized I had.

I worked that new stretch into my normal routine. At first it was really painful. Those muscles had been a particular length for a long time and were comfortable there, thank you very much. They let me know in no uncertain terms that they weren’t interested in becoming longer, looser, and more flexible. But with gentle, steady, consistent pressure, my hip flexors slowly began to yield. Now, six months later, that has become a relatively easy stretch for me and has been a part of a regimen that’s largely resolved my back pain.

As I did that stretch recently, I began thinking about how much my mind has been like my hip flexors. For many of my fifty years, it had a particular size, shape, and way of thinking about certain areas of life that it was comfortable with. It wasn’t really interested in stretching. But about ten years ago, I started to feel a nagging sense that this “unchallenged mind” approach I’d adopted wasn’t healthy. It was too restricting. Too narrow. I began to feel the need to stretch it, specifically in the political, spiritual, and social areas.

Let me be clear – I was not excited about this idea. I would have much preferred to stay in my comfort zone with the self-satisfied assurance that my way of thinking about all these issues was already correct. But as someone committed to personal growth and being the best version of myself, I knew I couldn’t ignore this any longer. I needed to stretch my mind.

So over the last ten years, I’ve opened myself to new ideas, perspectives, people, and experiences. I read different books. Watched different shows. Hung out with different people. Went to different places. I listened more than I talked. I processed, weighed, and considered new views. It’s been a long, sometimes painful process. But like my hip flexors, with gentle, steady, consistent pressure, my mind has gradually yielded. It’s become larger, deeper, and sharper. I’ve learned which of my political, spiritual, and social beliefs stood the test and rightly deserved to be held on to and which I needed to let go of in order to embrace new truths that I had discovered.

As a result of these efforts, my beliefs have changed significantly in all those areas over the last ten years. The specifics of which of my beliefs have altered is not the point of this particular post. I’ll write more on that in the days to come. My goal here is sharing this “mind stretching exercise” that I’ve adopted over the last decade that’s really improved my life. I find that I am happier, more at peace, less angry and judgmental, more compassionate and understanding, and quicker to recognize other blind spots that I still need to work on. The pain has been unbelievably worth the gain.

So how about you? I know this can sound like a daunting task, but a willingness to stretch your mind can lead to incredibly positive results. What areas of your mind could do with a good stretch? If you’re not sure, look for the topics or beliefs you get most defensive about or have never seriously questioned – those are usually places where you could benefit from considering another perspective. It may be religion, God, homosexuality, gender roles, gender identity, race, politics, immigration, economics, the poor, or something else. Be humble. Be open. Be respectful. Be sincere. Be brave. Look for smart people who think differently than you do and grant them an honest listen. Give your mind a gentle, steady, consistent stretch. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

Resources that have been helpful to me in my “stretching”:

SPIRITUAL / SOCIAL AREAS:

1. Richard Rohr’s daily thoughts email (sign up at cac.org) – a look at spiritual and social issues from the broad and inclusive perspective of St. Francis of Assisi. Richard supplements his own thoughts with the writings of other spiritual leaders from various traditions including women and people of color. The most influential spiritual stretching I’ve had in the last few years.

  2. The Great Spiritual Migration by Brian McLaren – a powerful and thought provoking look at where Christianity has been, currently is, and where it is, or should be, heading.

3. Love Wins by Rob Bell – a though provoking look at love, God, the Bible, heaven, hell, and the ultimate fate of every human being.

4. The Liturgists Podcast, episode 20 – LGBTQ – a thoughtful, respectful conversation about homosexuality from a spiritual perspective by people with differing views.

POLITICAL / SOCIAL:

The Week magazine – weekly publication that briefly summarizes national and global news and politics from the left, right, and center. Available in print and digitally. Subscribe at theweek.com.

SPIRITUAL / SOCIAL / POLITICAL:

Words I Wish I Wrote by Robert Fulghum – a collection of quotes and sample writings on a wide variety of important life topics by writers and thinkers from various perspectives including women and people of color. One of my favorite books.