How to Get Through a Hard Holiday Season

Let’s admit it.

The holidays are not going to be normal this year. More accurately, they’re going to be worse. A lot worse. Coronavirus is robbing us of many of the things that make this season meaningful and joyful.

So how do we make the best of a bad situation? Let’s start with two things NOT to do:

1. IGNORE IT – Just put on a smile. Grin and bear it. Don’t worry be happy. Pretend everything’s great. No. It’s not great. Don’t lie to your heart. This whole situation is incredibly difficult. It’s hard and sad and lonely. Pretending it isn’t doesn’t make your pain go away; it just drives it underground where it does its damage in secret.

2. WALLOW IN IT – Everything is terrible. My life is awful. This is the worst tragedy ever. These hard times will never end. This approach is also not helpful. Things are bad, no doubt, but many people have gone through, and are going through, much worse. Choosing to marinate in negativity only serves to prolong your suffering and stunt your growth.

So ignoring and wallowing are out. What CAN we do? Here are three suggestions:

1. GRIEVE WELL – That grief you’re feeling? It’s real. In addition to whatever physical, mental, emotional, or financial knothole coronavirus has dragged you through, you may be one of the many to miss out on treasured family gatherings this year. You don’t get those back. Take fifteen minutes or an hour or a day or whatever you need to just let yourself be sad. Acknowledge your pain and disappointment. Feel your feelings. Grieve well. Then, let it go. Set your grief aside. Don’t get stuck in emotional quicksand. At some point, grieving ceases to be healthy and becomes counterproductive. Focus on the positive things in your life (you probably have a lot of them) and do something productive and enjoyable. Steer your way back toward the light.

2. HELP SOMEONE – You’re not alone in those awful feelings. A lot of other people are having them too. Deliver cookies to someone living alone. Give socks, blankets, and goodie bags to unsheltered neighbors. Donate money to your local food bank. Call your grandma. Doing something kind for someone else, even when you feel terrible, not only helps them. It will make you feel better too.

3. MAKE A PLAN – My wife and I were talking with some good friends about how hard it will be to not see our kids this Christmas. They shared how they’ve learned to make holidays alone more manageable by planning specific feel-good activities in advance. They stock up on their favorite comfort foods, map out a long walk, and create a watch list of favorite movies. My wife and I are going to borrow from their ideas this year, adding in opening presents with our kids on a group video chat. 

This holiday season is going to be tough. Avoid the extremes of denying that reality or wallowing in it. Grieve well. Help someone. Make a plan. If you do, you’ll get through this storm, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.