3 Metaphors for Healthy Spirituality (Part 4): The Three Boxes

Fair warning – the second Box is not fun.

Now that I’ve introduced the series, told a story of my spiritual struggles, and unpacked the metaphor of The Cosmic Egg, I’ll share the second metaphor that guided me through my deep spiritual fog – The Three Boxes. While this analogy can resonate with anyone who practices spirituality, I think it’s especially applicable to those who have a history with an organized religious system.

Imagine three boxes sitting on a table. The first box is labeled Order, the second Disorder, and the third Reorder. Each box represents a stage on the journey to a healthy spirituality.

THE ORDER BOX

When we’re young, we need order. Structure. Rules. Clear direction. In the Order Box, things are black and white. There is no gray. The benefit of this stage is clear when we think of how we raise our children. We teach them to always be kind and eat their vegetables, but to never lie or run into the street. The subtleties of exceptions to those rules would be lost on them. Our early days in a spiritual system are often similar, especially in highly structured ones. We are given the rules. What’s true and what’s not. What’s right and what’s wrong. Everything is communicated with an air of certainty. A clear sense of Order provides the structure and stability needed for a safe, secure foundation.

While the Order Box is a helpful and probably necessary place to start, at some point its rigid simplicity begins to show. Life is complicated. Humans are messy. A certain belief that seemed reasonable when presented in a religious service makes less sense when you’re doing life with a co-worker. The “right” belief begins to feel somehow less loving than the “wrong” one. People don’t fit neatly into the categories our Order Box creates for them. Goodness and grace pop up in unexpected places. We start to question what we’ve been taught, and once we pull on that thread, a lot can unravel. At this point, we face a choice – run back to the safety and simplicity of the Order Box or climb willingly into the Disorder Box.

THE DISORDER BOX

The Disorder Box is where we get serious about examining our spirituality. This space is rife with confusion, doubt, and frustration. Anchor lines are cut. Support pillars are toppled. Previously unquestioned beliefs are placed under a microscope. Where the Order Box is all about construction, the Disorder Box is all about deconstruction. It’s a very unsettling and disorienting place to be.

I had one foot in this box for decades. In the early days, it started with me parting ways with more traditional Christian teachings on gender roles, then on homosexuality. I jumped fully into the Disorder Box seven years ago, and wrestled with such topics as the the validity of other faiths, the existence of hell, the impact of evolution, the role of the church, and Biblical interpretation. It was a lonely, frightening, and difficult journey, one I don’t think I could have faced without a small group of spiritual confidants who helped me process my doubts.

While in the midst of feeling adrift in this roiling spiritual sea, a friend recommended the writings of Richard Rohr. His daily email meditations became a lifeline, exposing me to a spirituality that had its roots in my own Christian tradition, but had grown beyond it in compelling ways. When I read about his metaphor of The Three Boxes, I realized I was sitting squarely in the Disorder Box. And while that was still an uncomfortable place, learning that it had a name and was a necessary stage of spiritual growth made all the difference. It was like I’d been suffering from a vague, unknown illness, and had finally found a clear diagnosis and a path toward recovery. I doggedly continued analyzing and sifting, searching and discovering.

THE REORDER BOX

That process led me to the final stage – the Reorder Box. The swirling silt began to settle. The waves started to calm. Soon the fog thinned, and I spied a new coastline on the horizon. Deconstruction complete, I examined the rubble around me. Recovering the aspects of my former worldview that had survived honest scrutiny, and adding new treasures I’d discovered along the way, I began to rebuild. What emerged was a more humble, satisfying, and vibrant spirituality, one strong enough to embrace both diversity and mystery.

It’s been several years since I climbed into the Reorder Box. I can honestly tell you that it’s a wonderful place to be. The prize is more than worth the struggle. I have a deeper peace, a more resilient joy, and a greater love than I had before. Not to mention the confidence and relief born of having faced my demons and overcome.

THE OTHER SIDE

This cycle of Order, Disorder, and Reorder is not a one-time occurrence on the road to healthy spirituality. To differing degrees, it returns in various seasons. But for me, I believe the foundational shift has been made. As I go through The Three Boxes in the future, my experience will make the path clearer. The journey will be easier knowing how much better it will be on the other side.

NAMING YOUR BOX

So which Box do you find yourself in? Remember that all three are necessary and have their seasons. Today’s wonderfully freeing Reorder Box may become tomorrow’s constricting Order Box, leading you on another trip through the cycle. But have no fear. You are in good company. The path has been well traveled, and the reward is worth the struggle. Next week, I’ll share a final metaphor to help you navigate the Boxes – The Tricycle. Until then, examine your spirituality honestly. Work on what you find. Climb into the next Box. Invite trusted companions to share the road. If you do, you’ll find your way to a healthy spirituality, and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

For a deeper look at The Three Boxes metaphor, I highly recommend Richard Rohr’s The Three Boxes meditation and his podcast Another Name for Everything.