Three Simple Questions to Improve Your Communication

“And then things got heated…”

How often could you use that phrase to describe a conversation you’ve overheard or been a part of? It seems all too common these days. Discourse about politics, religion, race, social issues, family, fill-in-the-blank, so often devolves into harsh words, judgements, and accusations. It feels like we’re more divided from each other than ever.

In my own relationships and on a larger scale, I struggle to find things I can do to help heal our disunity, or at least not unnecessarily contribute to it. The problem feels big, and I feel inadequate to address it. But I take hope in remembering that small positive actions done over time, especially when replicated by many, can make a significant impact on the most daunting of dilemmas.

When I read the following quote, I felt like I’d been handed one such action:

Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?” At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?” At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”

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Such a simple technique. While it isn’t easy, I believe conditioning ourselves to pause and ask ourselves these three questions before we speak would radically improve our personal interactions. And who knows? Maybe our example would be followed by others and a broader healing could take place. Many ripples in a pond are created by a single stone.

Are you willing to try? Take just a moment to consider what you’re about to say—is it TRUE? Is it NECESSARY? Is it KIND? If you do, you’ll help heal our world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.