3 Things I Learned About “Real Life” on a Writing Retreat

“Is this the real life?”

Queen started one of the greatest rock songs of all time, Bohemian Rhapsody, with this surprisingly deep question, one I’ve been pondering lately. 

My wife and I are on a two-week writing retreat. In a stark change from our small urban condo, we’re in a house in a pine forest with rolling hills. We take long walks in the beautiful neighborhood each morning before settling down to write.

Life feels much simpler here. A big day is having to drive to the local village for groceries. I’m still working a lot, but I feel more relaxed, more focused. I’m tempted to call this an escape, a wonderful pause before returning to “real life.”

But what is “real life”? Is it the harried pace, full calendar, loud, busy thing I often create for myself? While that may be the norm, is it the goal? Is that how I’m meant to live? Is that who I’m meant to be? Or is this time in the forest much closer to the “real life” I was designed for? 

Hear me clearly. I temper my optimistic bent with a strong dose of realism. Life has different seasons with different responsibilities. Raising kids and demanding jobs dominate the first half of life for many of us. Things like household projects, paying bills, doctor visits, car maintenance, helping family and friends never really go away.

Lisa and I are in our mid-fifties. Running our author business is still challenging and demanding, but we’re empty nesters with flexible schedules. We’ve made it through the busier first half of life. Your season and situation may be very different. 

That said, I think the forest has something to teach us all, regardless of what season we’re in. Here are some lessons I hear whispered by the pines:

1. Do less

Does your child really need to be in one more activity? Do you need to take on yet another obligation? Is accepting that more demanding promotion at work going to lead to more fulfillment? Is it worth the impact on your family? On your peace of mind? Say no more often. Guard your schedule. Build in margin. 

2. Move slower

I’ve spent more than three decades learning how to move faster, get more done, be more efficient, multitask. Now I’m learning the counterintuitive power of a slower pace, one that is not only more enjoyable, but more productive. Try a more measured, focused pace for a few days. You may be amazed at the results. (For some practical tips, click here).

3. Think deeper

It’s easy to stay on the surface of our minds—our daily tasks, dinner plans, watching TV, skimming social media. While those are good and important things, it’s like only talking with your friends about sports and the weather. They’re fine conversations, but relationships are much more fulfilling when you also share deeply, are honest about your struggles, talk vulnerably about your dreams. It’s the same with our thoughts. You’ll have a richer and more satisfying life if you also ponder who you are, who you want to become, what life is really about. Doing less and moving slower provide the time and space for those kinds of nourishing thoughts. 

So how’s your schedule? Your pace of life? The depth of your thoughts? Do less. Move slower. Think deeper. If you do, you’ll move closer to the real life you crave, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.