I’m a fixer.
In response to a frustration, hurt, or problem in a loved one’s life, my first instinct is to fix it. To solve it. To make it go away.
But for some of the deepest struggles in life, there is no fix. No solve. No solution. There is only acceptance. Endurance. Embracing. Sharing. Supporting. This is where real love and true friendship are shown.
When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.
henri nouwen
When a friend is struggling, it gives me hope knowing I don’t have to have sage advice or just the right words of comfort. What matters most is my willingness to walk the dark road beside them.
So when a loved one is in pain, simply show up. Be there. Embrace the silence. Admit that you don’t know what you don’t know. If you do, you’ll provide a deep comfort, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
This post was originally published July 8, 2023.
From the June 23, 2023 daily mediation from The Henri Nouwen Society
Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.
Bonjour from Paris. I write this while sitting on a park bench, having just finished…
You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the…
I’m guessing you’re as tired of it as I am. The texts. The robocalls. The…
As I finish my October author tour, here's a painful lesson I learned during a…
As I'm currently on book tour, I thought this would be an appropriate post to…
SPECIAL NOTE: I'm on book tour in October and may be in your area. I'd…
View Comments
I read this article with great interest, and I must admit that it opened my mind in a certain way by making me realize how much I still have to learn about myself. I sincerely thank the author!
I'm so glad this idea connected with you! It means so much that you took the time to share this with me. I applaud your desire to learn more about yourself. For me, the journey of self discovery takes a lifetime, but every step brings us closer to our True Selves. All the best on yours and I'm glad to share the road with you.