Serve or Play? A Tension to Be Managed

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

E. B. White, author of Charlotte’s Web

I’m an incredibly privileged person. 

I’m married to my best friend. I have two awesome adult kids and small group of close friends. I’m fairly healthy, especially for age fifty-five. I have my dream job of being an author and the freedom to travel the world while I work.

Those are wonderful gifts that I’m incredibly grateful for. That said, I’ve found the flip side of all that goodness is guilt. Why do I have this great life when so many are struggling? Should I give away all my money and work in a homeless shelter? What is my part in alleviating suffering in the world? 

It’s true that I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I’ve made sacrifices. Gave my best to establish a good marriage and raise my kids well. Struggled to develop my skills in multiple creative careers. Studied finance and investing. Practiced delayed gratification.

But I’ve also been wildly fortunate. I’ve been given talents and opportunities that I did nothing to earn. I’ve had my fair share of difficulties and pain, but I’ve also dodged countless misfortunes that have plagued others who didn’t deserve them.

So how should I balance my enjoyment of life with helping others?

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.

Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Seeker’s ABC

It’s sometimes tempting to throw myself into some noble cause just so I don’t feel guilty anymore. But I’ve tried that, and it didn’t work out well. I’ve given lots of money, worked with AIDs orphans in Zambia, served in multiple food pantries, donated many pints of blood, given food and clothing to people I’ve met on the street. Those are great and worthwhile things, and I’m glad I’ve done them. But none of them felt like me. 

My first career of twenty-six years was spent in various churches, helping people as best I could by leading music and teaching. For that season, it felt right, like I was where I was supposed to be. Since I transitioned to writing about seven years ago, I’ve had the same feeling of rightness, that I’m where I belong.

But I still struggle. Am I doing enough? While I do a few other small charitable endeavors, writing is my main focus. The Buechner quote above reminds me that doing what I love IS serving. That sharing my hard-won lessons in this blog does make the path a little easier for some. That helping kids discover a love of reading through my books really matters. That sharing the freedom my wife and I have found through letting go of possessions and living nomadically is a helpful perspective. 

…there are always problems to be solved and tensions to be managed. When you try to solve a tension, you create a problem.

Andy Stanley, author and speaker

I much prefer solving problems, but that Stanley quote reminds me that life is full of unavoidable tensions, especially if you’re a caring person with a personal development bent. The balance between serving others and enjoying life is one of those never-ending tensions.

So where do I land on this issue? We all have blessings. We all have obligations. We should all help others. We should all have fun. What’s the proper balance between serving and enjoying life? I have no idea. It seems to shift from season to season. In the end, I believe it’s something each of us needs to decide for ourselves.

Think of what you enjoy doing, what you love. Reflect on your passions, hobbies, areas of interest. Dive into those things. Savor the enjoyment they bring you. Look for ways those gifts and experiences can help others. If you do, you’ll manage the tension between serving and enjoying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.