Why I Hate New Year’s Resolutions (and What I Do Instead)

I hate New Year’s resolutions. 

As someone who has been dedicated to personal development for decades, that may sound surprising. If they are helpful for you, wonderful. Embrace them. For me, an external date on the calendar has never provided enough motivation for me to stick to my goals. The annual cycle of failure only succeeded in making me feel bad about myself.

In order to change something meaningful about my life, the motivation has to come from within. I have to want it badly enough to go through the inevitable pain of change. The problem for me is summed up in this quote:

The reinvention of daily life means marching off the edge of our maps.

Bob black

My love of routine and timid nature make reinventing myself a struggle. I like my map. I’m comfortable with my map. It’s neat and predictable and familiar. I have a sense of control, however illusionary that actually is.

Venturing beyond the edges of my map means traveling to frightening places, filled with strange and wild things. It’s messy, unpredictable, unfamiliar, and potentially dangerous. As Bilbo Baggins once said of such adventures, “Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner!”

So my desire for comfortable routine is at odds with my desire for personal development. Becoming the best mental, emotional, and spiritual version of myself requires that I take up my walking stick and step boldly over my familiar borders.

To find my courage, I must remember that the best things in my life came to me when I dared to enter the unknown—my marriage. My kids. My career as a musician and now as a writer. My relationship with God. My travels and life-giving friendships. I enjoy these most precious things at their current health and depth only because of the times I chose to march off the edge of my map.

There have been many failures along the way. Countless times, I’ve been too fearful or too comfortable to risk the journey. Sometimes I’ve taken the risk only to wander into swamps, lose my way in a misty forest, or wind up adrift on a stormy sea. Marching off the edge of our maps is not for the faint of heart. But that is where True Life lies. Energy. Adventure. Meaning. Wonder. A sense of being alive that’s found nowhere else.

What are your growth goals for the new year? Are they mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, or something else? Whatever they may be, if you truly want to reinvent your life, you must be willing to march of the edge of your map. Read new things. Talk with different people. Visit untried places. Start unfamiliar ventures. If you do, an incredible adventure awaits, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.