My dear friend and fellow blogger Susan Stocker recently wrote something that I felt was so important and timely that I decided to share it. In lieu of my own words this week, please take a few moments to read hers and subscribe to her inspiring, encouraging, and challenging blog here. I bolded the lines that especially spoke to me.
Sometimes, something is so unique that it defies comparison, labels or categories. This stunning picture is an example of that.
Most of the time, however, we think and talk in a very dangerous and harmful shorthand: stereotyping. When we group together “All” of anything, from people with the same color hair, to folks who drive the same car, to those who share an occupation or an opinion or a classification, we are stereotyping. Stereotyping is a “thought distortion.” In other words, we are thinking incorrectly when we don’t differentiate individual redheads from all redheads, or individual lawyers from all lawyers. We are wrong. Every time.
Nothing is more prominent these days than stereotyping:
All politicians are crooked.
All Republicans are racists and bigots.
All Democrats are socialists and communists.
All police officers . . . All Muslims . . .All southerners. . .
It is intellectual laziness to group and dismiss. People never stereotype positively, only negatively. I’ve never heard anyone say, “All hairdressers are artistic and talented. All Hispanics are hard-working.” No, the grouping and the generalizations are always negative. And they are always wrong.
If you were bitten by a dog, you will be tempted to say, “I hate dogs.” How can that possible be true? You had a bad experience with ONE dog and decided to throw out the entire canine population?
I mention this now, particularly, because it causes so much hate and misunderstanding when we talk about “immigrants” or “lobbyists” or “mega-churches” and draw a “One Fits All” conclusion.
For those of us trying to live in peace, catching ourselves when we stereotype is a great step toward exchanging our golf shoes for ballet slippers; we walk more gently through life. Giving up stereotyping increases our ability to be heard and to be able to have a discussion instead of an argument.
Catching others when they stereotype is a legitimate, non-aggressive conversational tool. “Wait. You said, ‘All politicians.’ That is unlikely, unproveable and does not pass my fact checker. That’s a stereotype and a generalization.”
Every profession, every nationality, every hair color, every dog is different and unique. All of us, when threatened or scared, are likely to bite. All of us stray from the moral high ground some of the time. All of us have spells of being ditzy or fiery, whether we have blonde hair or red hair.
One fundamental criteria of talking the high road and following our North Star is not judging. There is no more contaminated form of judgment than stereotyping.
Here’s to our piece of peace this week: no stereotyping, given or received.
Love to each of my unique and individual friends — Susan
Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.
I originally published this post in August of 2019, but given everything that 2020 has thrown at us so far, I found it coming back to my mind. My deep wish is that it helps you find hope in these troubled times.
What is it about hope that has such a profound impact on us? There are a lot of emotional experiences we desire like love, joy, and peace. What makes hope so important?
1. CASUAL HOPES – these are our day to day, common hopes. I hope my favorite team makes the playoffs. I hope this restaurant has cheesecake. I hope I can see my friends Friday night. These hopes we readily acknowledge to ourselves and others.
3.
1. We need to keep our hopes in their PROPER PLACE – all of those hopes listed above are normal and healthy. But if we allow a casual hope, like our favorite team making the playoffs, to become a precious hope, we’re headed for trouble. If your team being edged out of the post-season puts you in a deep depression, that’s a clear sign that you’ve allowed a casual hope to slip out of its proper place. The same is true with a precious hope becoming an ultimate one. I have a precious hope that my adult children will continue to make good choices. That said, whether they do or don’t will not determine my self-worth or my sense of my life having meaning.
2. We need to anchor our ultimate hopes in SOMETHING WORTHY – we choose where we place our hopes. For our casual hopes, choosing which restaurant to go to is not a big deal. For our precious hopes, choosing which doctor to trust with analyzing our biopsy results is more significant. We want to have confidence in the worthiness our choice. Then there are ultimate hopes. I believe that where we choose to anchor our ultimate hopes is one of the most important decisions we will ever make. Choosing a worthy place to rest them is critical to becoming our True Selves, avoiding unnecessary pain, and enjoying the fullest experience of life.
For me, the most worthy anchor for my ultimate hopes is my relationship with God. God fulfills my hopes for lasting meaning, for being deeply valued for who I am, and for a positive future beyond this life.
As I shared in a recent post (
So in honor of that somewhat radical idea, I’m giving you an opportunity to laugh today. Instead of reading more of my words, I encourage you to read those of a traveler who many years ago had a comically bad day and was banned from a hotel. He got the ban lifted through owning his mistakes with humility and humor. You can read his story 
So whatever it is that tickles your funny bone – streaming a favorite sitcom, reading the comics, or watching wipeout videos on Youtube – schedule some laughter into your daily routine. If you do, you’ll take another happy step toward Becoming Yourself.