I’d like to tell you a story.
In my last post, I gave an introduction to this series, which will focus on three metaphors that I’ve found extremely helpful in my spiritual and personal growth. If you haven’t seen that post, it would help to do a quick read here.
These metaphors can be incredibly powerful tools for nearly everyone, regardless of where you’re at on the spiritual spectrum. I’ll share the first of those next week. For some necessary context, let me give you a bit of my spiritual history and recent struggles.
I was raised in a Christian home and grew up going to church. After a meaningful spiritual experience when I was ten years old, I began taking my personal relationship with God seriously. I attended a fairly relaxed Christian liberal arts college where I studied music performance, then spent twenty-six years as a full-time musical worship leader in various contemporary, evangelical churches. I stopped worship leading several years ago to pursue writing full time.
Over the course of the last seven years, I have gone through a significant and often difficult spiritual journey, during which I questioned many aspects of my faith. My belief in and relationship with God continued to grow during this time, but I began to struggle with a number of the teachings and positions of mainstream evangelical Christianity, including the lack of validity of other faiths, the existence of hell, and the role and interpretation of the Bible. This led me into many years of deep study, thought, and prayer, as well as endless hours of wrestling with these topics in the company of spiritual mentors and close friends.
At my current point in my ever evolving spiritual journey, I no longer call myself an evangelical Christian. This is partly due to the development of my beliefs, but also because that label has been widely adopted by people whose worldview is vastly different than my own. I would not say that I have left the Christian faith, but that I have built a worldview which, as author and teacher Richard Rohr says, “includes and transcends” my former belief system.
What does it mean to include and transcend? As I continue to grow spiritually, I retain some of the basic tenants of Christianity that still ring true for me. These include a belief in the existence of a loving God as the creative force behind the universe, the humanity and divinity of Jesus, and that the best use of my life is to know, love, and follow God. At the same time, I have let go of some tenants that I either no longer believe in or understand in a significantly different light. Some of those I listed above. I liken my transition to setting aside shoes that served me for a time but began to feel too small. I would now call myself a Christ-centered theist who seeks to know and follow Jesus. To me at least, that’s an important distinction.
Some of you who know me from my former church roles may feel confused or even shocked by this. I understand. It’s okay. This evolution in my beliefs is simply the continuation of my life-long spiritual growth arc, the result of many seasons of bare-knuckled soul searching. Though imperfectly, I have walked with God for the last forty-one years. I have no intention of giving up now. I am at peace with where I am at with God and where God is at with me.
The three metaphors I will share in the rest of this series were lifelines for me during that difficult period, when I felt adrift in a stormy spiritual sea. They were candles, lighting my path through a dark and often lonely wilderness of doubt and struggle. My wish and prayer is that these tools will be of value to you on your own journey, whether or not your story resembles mine. I hope you’ll join me next week with an open heart and an open mind as I share the metaphor of The Cosmic Egg. If you do, I sincerely believe you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Thanks for this post, Matt.
I can relate to some of what you express but I find, like many others these days, to be betwixt and between. I don’t feel comfortable in the Christian church/faith anymore as I see the very basis (‘the only way is through me’) to be something I cannot get behind. The group prayers etc have phrases or ideas that conflict with my belief system. I find my sense of god in nature and in the act of loving others freely and without judgment. I do miss the sense of community though that a church offers.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience so openly, Lee. That really means a lot to me. I think you’re right – many people are where you are, where I am, or somewhere on that often uncomfortable path of spiritual growth and discovery. I know what you mean about missing that sense of community. Mine has become a small group of friends who are on the same path, as well as the online community of the Center for Action and Contemplation led by Richard Rohr. Reading his daily email meditations and listening to his podcast Another Name for Everything makes me feel like I belong somewhere (both resources can be found at cac.org if interested). Given where you’ve described yourself, you may be interested in reading the rest of the series during which I’ll share three metaphors that really helped me, and continue to help me, orient myself in my spiritual journey. I hope they help you as well. Take care and keep moving forward. You are not alone.