Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Month: August 2021 (Page 1 of 2)

Want a Better Life? Balance Your Quadrants

August 28, 2021 / / 2 Comments

Picture yourself as a square divided into four quadrants labeled Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual.

A quick way to boost your personal growth is to think of what exercises, habits, practices or routines you have for each area. How do you regularly stretch your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual muscles?

Don’t worry if you struggle to come up with something for one or more areas. It takes time to find routines for each quadrant that work with both your schedule and your interest level. If you already have a habit in an area, celebrate it! That makes balancing your life that much easier.

While a rough balance between quadrants is the goal, each of is inclined toward one or more of them. For me, it’s Spiritual. You might be more developed in Physical or Mental. That’s totally fine. Think of a stool—as long as each of the four legs is stable, you’re sitting on a dependable foundation. It’s when one or more of them is weak or missing that you’re probably headed for a tumble.

So what types of practices might work for you in each area?

PHYSICAL

My morning routine is ten minutes of overall stretching with a few strengthening exercises to address my lower back issues. Then I walk up and down the stairs of my condo building for cardio. Three or four times a week, my wife and I do about fifteen minutes of yoga as well (Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube). You may prefer running, walking, going to the gym, basketball, tennis, swimming, or hiking. The goal is not to make the Olympics—just find some kind of modest physical activity that you enjoy and that works with your schedule. Once you have a routine, you’ll find yourself thinking clearer and having more energy throughout the day.

MENTAL

My current practice is regularly playing chess against a computer (chess.com) and taking writing classes on MasterClass.com. In the past, I’ve done brain games on lumosity.com. You might try sudoko, crossword puzzles, strategy games or learning a foreign language. They all help enhance your mental acuity.

EMOTIONAL

To tone my emotional muscles, I regularly donate plasma and volunteer at a food pantry. Serving others not only helps them, it gives me an emotional boost and makes me more grateful for what I have. Visiting museums, traveling and spending time with friends also fills my emotional tank. For you it could be gardening, walking, a hobby or volunteering. Find what’s uniquely energizing to you.

SPIRITUAL

My morning routine consists of ten minutes of meditation, ten minutes of spiritual growth reading (often the writings of Richard Rohr and Henri Nouwen sent via daily emails), and twenty minutes talking with God. I then try to maintain a mindful awareness of God throughout the day. Before bed, I spend five to ten minutes reflecting on any insights I gained and expressing gratitude for good things that happened that day. Once a week, I meet with my long time friend and accountability partner to share our spiritual successes and struggles. Your spiritual practices might include meditation, yoga, attending a religious service, time in nature or reading sacred writings like the Quran, the Talmud, or the Bible.

So how are your quadrants? Which ones feel stable and which might need a little tending? Be honest, but not hard on yourself. Celebrate your successes. Find simple practices that work for you. If you do, you’ll enjoy a more fulfilling, balanced life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Want to Achieve Your Dreams? Just Keep Showing Up

August 21, 2021 / / 4 Comments

The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

thomas edison

Since childhood, I’ve dreamed of becoming a published author.

Growing up, I read voraciously and enjoyed creative writing. I thought how amazing it would be if someday other people enjoyed my stories the way I loved those penned by the authors I idolized. But in high school, I decided to pursue music. Three years ago, I left a twenty-six year career as a profession musician to chase my long-delayed writing dream.

Things started off surprisingly well. Having my wife Lisa McMann, a highly successful NY Times bestselling author, as my writing coach gave me a huge leg up. The first book I wrote, which I thought would be a throw-away practice novel, landed me a great literary agent. After he helped me improve the manuscript, the first editor he pitched it to liked it. After I did a revised draft for her, she took it to her team to build support. I was amazed. This was going to happen!

And then it didn’t. Her team had mixed feelings about my book, and she passed on it. While disappointed, I was still optimistic. If it got that close on the first try, surely my book would quickly sell to someone else, right? Wrong. All the editors in the next round said no. Then all the editors in in the round after that. A year later, I had a list of rejections as long as my arm.

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

harriet beecher stowe

Following my wife’s advice, I had continued writing during that submission period and had finished my second novel. My agent thought my writing had improved, so he stopped pitching my first book and began sending out my second. Again, nothing but a steady stream of rejections came my way. I struggled to maintain any hope as I regularly read the announcements of book deals for other authors. How would my writing ever stand out? How could I ever break through? The odds seemed insurmountable.

Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.

Winston Churchill

My published author friends were incredibly encouraging. Kevin Sands shared that his first three books did nothing before his hugely popular Blackthorn Key series. He told me, “Perseverance, more than anything, is what wins the day.” Anna-Marie McLemore told me that their first seven books didn’t sell. But they kept going, kept pursuing their dream. Time magazine recently named their book Blanca and Roja among the top 100 fantasy novels of all time and When the Moon Was Ours as one of the the world’s most influential young adult novels.

You just can’t beat the person who won’t give up.

babe ruth

So I kept going. Kept watching author craft videos. Kept learning. Kept writing. Kept editing. I wrote a third novel, then a fourth, which was my agent’s favorite. He paused sending out my second book and submitted my fourth to an editor.

A few weeks later, it happened. I got the call. I had an offer. Now I have my first book deal with Penguin Random House Publishers (that’s all I able to share publicly at this point; I’ll post more details when I can). I’m going to be a published author!

It always seems impossible until it’s done.

nelson mandela

So what’s your dream? Is it a career change, mastering a new skill, or going on an adventure in an exotic destination? Have you been told it’s impossible? That you’re not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough? Is it a passing fancy or a deep, long-lasting desire? How brightly does your passion burn? Map a course. Take the first step. Build a habit. When you fall, get up. Start again. Focus on your goal. Your dream may be just around the corner. The outcome is not guaranteed, but what in life is? Fortune favors those who keep showing up. At worst, you’ll live a life in pursuit of your dream. At best, it will come true. Either way, you’ll take giant leaps toward Becoming Yourself.

Want a Positive Sense of Identity? Share Your Weaknesses

August 14, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Know thyself.

Socrates

Who are you, Lord, and who am I?

St. Francis of assisi

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.

Carl Jung

Discovering an authentic and unflinching sense of self has long been a key pursuit of philosophy, religion, and psychology. My own true identity is something I’ve been consciously seeking for decades with varied success. It often feels like I take two steps forward and one step back. Surge up the hill one day and slide down the next. It’s a frustrating yet incredibly rewarding journey. I truly believe finding and living from my true identity is key to my peace, healing, joy and best life.

I’ve written frequently about the importance of finding your identity (see here and here) but not always as vulnerably as I should have. The following reflection from author Henri Nouwen really challenged me (you can sign up for a daily email excerpt of Henri’s writing here). I see myself in his words. To share my weaknesses, failures, and growth edges is difficult for me. I like to present to my friends and family, my readers, even God and myself an in control, on-top-of-everything version of me.

But that’s not reality. I’m a mixed bag. Most days are good, even great, in my effort to live out of an awakened, grounded sense of personal identity. Other days I’m far afield, lost in the fog, wondering where my confidence and joy went.

I realize now that those “off days” are normal and okay. Admitting my struggles to my wife, my accountability partner, close friends, you, and God is one of the best ways I’ve found to lead me back to myself. In addition, that kind of vulnerability brings us together, and sometimes even helps others find themselves too.

So, as Henri challenged me below, I’ll continue to share more of my failures as well as my successes. I hope you find yourself in his words too, and that they encourage you to share more vulnerably with those around you. If you do, you’ll find you are not alone in your struggles, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Sharing our Weakness by Henri Nouwen

Over the last few years I have been increasingly aware that true healing mostly takes place through the sharing of weakness. Mostly we are so afraid of our weaknesses that we hide them at all cost and thus make them unavailable to others but also often to ourselves. And, in this way, we end up living double lives even against our own desires: one life in which we present ourselves to the world, to ourselves, and to God as a person who is in control and another life in which we feel insecure, doubtful, confused, and anxious and totally out of control. The split between these two lives causes us a lot of suffering. I have become increasingly aware of the importance of overcoming the great chasm between these two lives and am becoming more and more aware that facing, with others, the reality of our existence can be the beginning of a truly free life.

It is amazing in my own life that true friendship and community became possible to the degree that I was able to share my weaknesses with others. Often I became aware of the fact that in the sharing of my weaknesses with others, the real depths of my human brokenness and weakness and sinfulness started to reveal themselves to me, not as a source of despair but as a source of hope. As long as I try to convince myself or others of my independence, a lot of my energy is invested in building up my own false self. But once I am able to truly confess my most profound dependence on others and on God, I can come in touch with my true self and real community can develop.

This excerpt is from the Daily Meditation by the Henri Nouwen Society on July 27, 2021 henrinouwen.org, taken from “You are the Beloved”by Henri J.M. Nouwen© 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

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