The Bible, Song of Solomon 8:6c, New international version
It’s easy to talk about the power of love, but do I live like I really believe it?
When I read the following true story, it reminded me of the actual power of love. It both challenged and encouraged me to live more authentically from a place of love. I want to grow in responding to everyone with love, no matter the hatred they cast toward me. I hope this story gives you the strength to respond with love in your life. If you do, you’ll make a better world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
At a 1960 lunch counter sit-in protesting segregation in Arlington, Virginia, Quaker peace activist David Hartsough discovered God’s power in the power of nonviolence:
“Love your enemies . . . do good to those who hate you.”
I was meditating on those words when I heard a voice behind me say, “Get out of this store in two seconds, or I’m going to stab this through your heart.” I glanced behind me at a man with the most terrible look of hatred I had ever seen. His eyes blazed, his jaw quivered, and his shaking hand held a switchblade—about half an inch from my heart. . . .
I turned around and tried my best to smile. Looking him in the eye, I said to him, “Friend, do what you believe is right, and I will still try to love you.” Both his jaw and his hand dropped. Miraculously, he turned away and walked out of the store.
That was the most powerful experience of my twenty years of life. It confirmed my belief in the power of love, the power of goodness, the power of God working through us to overcome hatred and violence. I had a profound sense that nonviolence really works. At that moment, nonviolence became much more than a philosophical idea or a tactic that had once made a difference in Gandhi’s India. It became the way I wanted to relate to other human beings, a way of life, a way of working for change.
My response had touched something in my accuser. He had seen me as an enemy. But through my response, I believe I became a human being to him. The humanity in each of us touched.
David Hartsough with Joyce Hollyday, Waging Peace: Global Adventures of a Lifelong Activist (Oakland, CA: PM Press, 2014), 19, 20. As shared in the Oct 23, 2022 Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org).
My friend Susan Stocker is a licensed clinical therapist with decades of experience. She’s also a great writer. One of her recent blog posts was so insightful that I decided to share it (you can follow her excellent blog here). I bolded some lines that spoke to me. I hope you find it as helpful as I did on your journey toward Becoming Yourself. (This post was originally published in July 2021).
Are you feeling like this tree? You know the feelings: exhaustion, crankiness, dissatisfaction, criticism of self and others, self-pity, envy of others, unhappiness, racing thoughts, sadness, grief, anger — the list goes on and on. We’re trooping along doing pretty well, and then we slide down the slippery slope. We don’t feel like ourselves. We don’t want to be around anyone else. Yet, we’re lonely.
How do we pull ourselves back up that hill and get back on level ground?
The good news is: we’re the only one who can change the way we feel.
The bad news is: we’re the only one who can change the way we feel.
My friend, Marsha, heads for the sofa and a nap, snuggling with her dog. My sister-in-law puts on her shoes and goes for a walk. Some people call a friend and have a bitch session. Some people head for the tub and a long, leisurely soak. I know one woman who bakes something when she gets the blues. Many people put on music and sing or dance or just let the music smooth away the rough places. People pray, meditate, or write letters to someone they know is feeling even worse than they are.
Feeling down is a natural part of the rhythm of life. Some days we feel inexplicably good — positive, energized, competent and happy. Other days we feel inexplicably bad — negative, lethargic, incompetent and unhappy. Who knows why or how or when. That all seems as unpredictable as the weather and as out of our control as the stock market.
THE PHYSICAL
One of the things we were taught in counseling classes is to always eliminate the physical possibilities first. Are we getting sick, are we dehydrated, did we forget our medicine or our vitamins, have we eaten enough protein or carbs or veggies or fruit? Have we been pushing too hard physically, or perhaps we haven’t been moving enough? Do we need a walk in the woods, or a bike ride with the wind in our face, or a serious workout in the gym? Or some gentle yoga?
THE INTELLECTUAL
Secondly, let’s check out the intellectual aspects. Is our brain fried? Have we been working too hard, struggling to meet deadlines and trying to prove our worth? Or perhaps the opposite is true? Maybe we’re bored and need some intellectual stimulation. Is it time to get back to the Sudoku or the crosswords or to find a stimulating book? Have we been feasting on mindless television or video games? Not properly feeding our minds is as detrimental as not properly feeding our bodies.
THE EMOTIONAL
Third, what’s happening emotionally? Do we need a deep talk with a friend or lover? Is a relationship on auto-pilot? Maybe we need to get into therapy and have what some of my clients call “a check-up.” Are we feeling our feelings or numbing out? Are we engaged in meaningful relationships with at least one or two people or are we floating aimlessly? Are we in an uneven relationship where we’re either giving or getting more than the other person? Sometimes simply talking to someone we love about our relationship is incredibly healing and surprisingly easy: “Are you feeling my care for you? It matters to me and I want you to thrive in our relationship.”
THE SPIRITUAL
Fourth, we need to take our spiritual temperature. Are we seeing that moon at which we look? Are we hearing the birds? Do we feel soulfully alive and connected to the universe and the powers that bring us our every breath? Everyone’s spiritual life is different, but each of us has a spiritual life which needs tending and attention. One of the quickest ways I know to feel in harmony with our own soul is to merely take a moment and say, “Thank you.” I don’t know about you, but I can’t make myself keep breathing. I wasn’t creative enough to design a cat who can purr or a dog who is unerringly loyal. I can’t keep the stars in the sky or the ocean replenishing herself. Thank you seems the least we can say.
Peace and love, my friends. Susan
Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.
Ghosts. The basement. Dark woods. Bullies. That creepy clown painting my parents had. Fear was a frequent companion of my youth.
Fear continued to maintain its grip into my adulthood. What people thought of me. Navigating parenthood. My mistakes and failings being exposed. Career missteps. Relationship anxieties.
Now that I’m in my fifties, I’ve learned to let go of many of the fears that have plagued me, but not all. It’s still an issue I wrestle with regularly. Will I fail at my new author career? Will my kids continue to thrive? Will my wife get sick? Am I doing enough to help others?
When I read the following excerpt from author and teacher Henri Nouwen, it helped me realign my perspective on fear. I felt my shoulders relax and breathed a deep, contented sigh.
If you struggle with fear as I do, I hope you’ll find a tonic here. You may not believe in God or a Higher Power, and I respect that position. Either way, I encourage you to ponder these words and focus on the Love he describes. If you do, I believe you’ll find some freedom from fear’s grip and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
“We are fearful people. We are afraid of conflict, war, an uncertain future, illness, and, most of all, death. This fear takes away our freedom and gives our society the power to manipulate us with threats and promises. When we can reach beyond our fears to the One who loves us with a love that was there before we were born and will be there after we die, then oppression, persecution, and even death will be unable to take our freedom.
Once we have come to the deep inner knowledge—a knowledge more of the heart than of the mind—that we are born out of love and will die into love, that every part of our being is deeply rooted in love, and that this love is our true Father and Mother, then all forms of evil, illness, and death lose their final power over us and become painful but hopeful reminders of our true divine childhood. The apostle Paul expressed this experience of the complete freedom of the children of God when he wrote, ‘I am certain of this: neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nothing already in existence and nothing still to come, nor any power, nor the heights nor the depths, nor any created thing whatever, will be able to come between us and the love of God, known to us in Christ Jesus’” (Romans 8:38–39).
