I have monkey mind. 

In my practice of silence, rather than the calm stillness I seek, thoughts often leap about randomly in my head like monkeys in a tree. It’s frustrating. 

But I’ve learned that if I stick with it, my ping-ponging thoughts begin to settle, like still water on a pond after the ripples subside. I’m usually able to find the peace, clarity, insight, and connectedness to my truest self that I’m looking for. 

Author and teacher Henri Nouwen described this struggle-and-benefit duality of silence. While the closing section on connection with God may not fit your worldview, I believe there is still much to be gained from his insight and from the practice of silence:

At first silence might only frighten us. In silence we start hearing voices of darkness: our jealousy and anger, our resentment and desire for revenge, our lust and greed, and our pain over losses, abuses, and rejections. These voices are often noisy and boisterous. They may even deafen us. Our most spontaneous reaction is to run away from them and return to our entertainment.

But if we have the discipline to stay put and not let these dark voices intimidate us, they will gradually lose their strength and recede into the background, creating space for the softer, gentler voices of the light.

These voices speak of peace, kindness, gentleness, goodness, joy, hope, forgiveness, and most of all, love. They might at first seem small and insignificant, and we may have a hard time trusting them. However, they are very persistent and they will be stronger if we keep listening. They come from a very deep place and from very far. They have been speaking to us since before we were born, and they reveal to us that there is no darkness in the One who sent us into the world, only light. They are part of God’s voice calling us from all eternity: “My beloved child, my favorite one, my joy.”

henri nouwen, “you are the beloved”

Have you experimented with silence? Perhaps you’ve struggled as I have. Try again. Start with one minute. Gradually lengthen your time. Go slowly. Try techniques like a focus image (candle, mountain meadow, fireplace, etc), concentrating on your breathing, or repeating a helpful word or phrase aloud or silently (peace, quiet, God, love, I am seeking myself, etc.). Stick with it until your wandering thoughts begin to still. If you do, you’ll experience greater peace and clarity, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books. As shared in the Nov 24, 2023 Daily Meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society.