Developing a Better You

Month: June 2025 (Page 1 of 2)

A Celtic Blessing to Lower Stress

“Leave room in your garden for the fairies to dance.”

—attributed to artist James Temple

I honestly don’t know the original intent of this Celtic blessing, but the evocative invitation caught my attention. 

I’ve been stressed lately. The nomadic lifestyle my wife Lisa and I have been living for almost a year is wonderful and freeing, but it does have it’s downsides.

We’ve learned that “transition days” are difficult, where we wake up in one location and go to sleep in another. It involves packing, cleaning, traveling to our next place, unpacking, getting groceries, and learning the basics of the new domicile. There are dozens of little irritating questions you never think about in your own home that crop up on the road—Where are the light switches? Why aren’t there more outlets? How does the dishwasher work? Where’s the recycling?

Our recent schedule has been filled with transition days as we’ve gone from out-of-state travel to a few days at some friends’ house to three different pet sitting gigs back-to-back. I’m not complaining—the free lodging while pet sitting helps fund our travels—but it comes at a price. Walking, brushing, feeding, administering meds, play time, cleaning up messes, and dealing with behavioral challenges adds up.

The combination of closely packed transition days and caring for numerous animals has contributed to my stress. So when I read the phrase “Leave room in your garden for the fairies to dance,” here’s what it meant to me:

I need to build margin into my schedule. 

I’m a planner and derive great satisfaction from crossing things off my to do list. Reaching the end of the day with numerous things undone is a stress inducer.

What that Celtic blessing reminded me of was the need to plan for the unplanned. To add “deal with unexpected curve ball” to my list. Because those surprises come up with shocking regularity. A flat tire. An illness. Walking a stubbornly slow pet. Travel delays. If I “leave room for the fairies to dance” (a.k.a. margin) in my schedule, those stubborn interruptions will be far easier to take.

How’s your daily schedule? Is it filled to the minute? Are you feeling the stress? Plan for the unplanned. Expect the unexpected. Build in margin. Leave room for the fairies to dance. If you do, you’ll enjoy a more peaceful life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The 4 D’s: A Sustainable Response to Suffering

Spoiler alert—the needs of the world are endless.

Poverty. Disease. Human trafficking. Food shortage. Climate change. Homelessness. Income inequality. Racism. Cancer. War. Political division. The list goes on.

For anyone who cares about the well-being of others, this deluge of suffering can be overwhelming. It certainly is for me at times. The problems of the world seem like a vast mountain peak, and in its looming shadow, I feel incredibly small.

In the past, I’ve fallen into three responses to the world’s pain:

1. DENY – I look away. Pretend the problems aren’t there. Focus on my own needs and desires. Cling to my distractions. Operate out of selfishness.

2. DESPAIR – Help a little here. Give a little there. Half-heartedly attempt a few good deeds without any plan or purpose because deep down it all feels hopeless. Operate out of guilt.

3. DESTROY – Become consumed with serving others. Act like it all depends on me. Drive myself to exhaustion. Operate out of duty.

None of these responses proved healthy or effective long term. But is there a better way? I think some keys can be found in this quote by the late Henri Nouwen, a highly regarded author, lecturer, and Harvard professor who left his enviable position to work with mentally challenged adults:

The more I think about the human suffering in our world and my desire to offer a healing response, the more I realize how crucial it is not to allow myself to become paralyzed by feelings of impotence and guilt. More important than ever is to be very faithful to my vocation to do well the few things I am called to do and hold on to the joy and peace they bring me.

henri nouwen

The healthy response to suffering that Henri describes is:

4. DEVOTION – Acknowledge the world’s pain without being consumed by it. Find one or two areas of suffering that resonate with your heart. Use your gifts to address them well. Let other areas go. Embrace the joy and peace you find along the way. Operate out of love.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.

Kenneth Untener in honor of Bishop Oscar Romero

Finding and maintaining a healthy response to suffering isn’t easy, but it is possible. Find where your passions meet the world’s needs. Use your gifts to meet them in sustainable ways. Rest. Let go. Trust that others will shoulder the burdens you were never meant to carry. Be joyful. Remember that you are loved. Love yourself. Operate out of that love. If you do, you’ll do your small part to ease the sufferings of the world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books. As shown in the Dec 21, 2022 daily meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society.

Prayer written by Kenneth Untener (bishop of Saginaw, Michigan, 1980–2004) in 1979 to honor Bishop Romero. See Scott Wright, Oscar Romero and the Communion of Saints: A Biography (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2009), 153–154.

This post was originally published Jan 7, 2023.

Want to Blow People’s Minds? Be Gratuitously Friendly

We were truly shocked. 

Our current nomadic journey has taken us to a variety of Alaskan towns on a cruise. My wife Lisa and I were returning from our morning hike on Canada’s Prince Rupert Island when a woman walking leisurely in front of us on the sidewalk stepped aside to let us pass. We waved our thanks and continued on. 

The woman caught up with us a few minutes later when we stopped to check directions. Lisa made a friendly comment and the woman responded warmly, asking us if we lived there. When we said we were visiting, she recommended her favorite sights and restaurants before wishing us well and moving on.

Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting on a bench admiring the beauty of Sunken Gardens Park when I noticed an elderly man slowly approaching along the path in front of us. He wore an unusually tall wicker hat and carried a circular hand drum, and was dressed in a tee shirt and shorts despite the chill air.

When the man reached us, he stopped and broke into an honest gap-toothed smile above his Gandalf-worthy beard. Given our previous experiences in the US and other parts of the world, we were bracing ourselves for a request for money.

We couldn’t have been more wrong. He had guessed we were visiting and just wanted to welcome us to his city. We thanked him, and Lisa mentioned how unpleasant it must be for the locals at times to have cruise ships full of people descend on their town. The man’s smile broadened. He told us his grandmother had taught him that the way he should respond to meeting new people was like this—he spread his arms wide in a gesture of acceptance.

This wisened old man shared how his First Nation culture highly valued community, with one of the four local tribes regularly hosting the other three for feasts. He said if we were in town longer, that we would be welcome. With a twinkle in his eye, he said, “We love to celebrate.” 

He waved his goodbyes and walked slowly off, pausing in a nearby tunnel to chant a song of his people to himself, simply for the joy of experiencing the acoustics. He was one of the warmest and most fascinating people I’ve ever met. 

As we made our way back to the ship, a young man sitting with friends in another park asked us if we were on the cruise. We engaged in a long conversation and learned he’d been a crab fisherman for thirteen years, sailing five hours out to sea in a small boat for up to ten days at a time. When Lisa commented on how exceedingly friendly everyone had been, one of the man’s friends said, “That’s our way here. It’s nice to know your neighbors.”

As we said our goodbyes and walked to the ship, Lisa and I talked of how unusual and delightful our experience of Prince Rupert had been. It motivated us to bring some of the gratuitous friendliness we’d encountered everywhere we go. 

Do you want to blow people’s minds? Be gratuitously friendly. It costs you little and gives much to you and those you meet. If you do, you’ll have a more joyful life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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