I was mad.
I’d been working with an attorney on a small estate planning project. When the work dragged on longer than anticipated, I checked in for a progress report. He assured me it would be done the next day.
The next day came and went with no contact. I let a week go by then followed up again. No response. My inquiry two weeks after that also went unanswered. Finally after six weeks, I called his office. When I learned he was now on vacation, I explained the situation to the office manager and voiced my frustration. She apologized profusely and promised to have him get back to me.
A few days later, the completed project showed up in my email, followed by a phone call from the attorney. This is what he said:
“I want to start by apologizing. Over the last few months, my personal life got overwhelming and I lost focus. We thought my wife had cancer and my mental health went to a bad place. I didn’t stay on top of things at work or communicate with my clients. I have no excuse. My wife’s okay now, and I’m in a better place. If you stick with me, I promise that won’t happen again. I can’t make up for the mistakes I’ve made, but in recognition of the frustration I’ve caused you, I’m going to waive the rest of my fee.”
I was stunned. In my experience, that kind of vulnerability and owning responsibility is rare. My entire perspective toward him changed, and the tension between us vanished. I expressed my concern for his wife and my sorrow for what he’d gone through. Then I thanked him for his honesty, his apology and for doing what he could to make things right. We ended the call on friendly terms, and he offered to answer any questions I had going forward free of charge.
Later that day, my wife and I received a call from an author friend. She’d spoken with our shared literary agent about a similar legal project and he recommended talking with us. She asked if we had an attorney we’d recommend. I told her if she’d called the day before I would have said no, but now I did. When I told her the story, she said, “I really respect someone who owns their mistakes and doesn’t back down from them. Give me his contact info. I’d work with that guy.”
Life is hard. Behind closed doors, everyone we encounter is facing some kind of struggle. That’s true for us too. Even so, my tendency is to hide my pain and mistakes, attempting to project an “I’ve got it all together” image to the world.
But my attorney’s courage challenged me. Far from making me think less of him, his transparency and ownership of his mistakes garnered my respect and compassion. Going forward, I’m going to try to follow his example. I have a sneaking suspicion that others may give me grace too.
So what struggles are you facing? Made any mistakes lately? Are you trying desperately to hide them? Try letting your guard down. Take off the happy mask. Be appropriately honest about your pain. Own your failures. If you do, I think you’ll find freedom and unexpected grace, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
This post was originally published Jan 22, 2022.
