Sometimes you just need a laugh.
I read the following post from my friend and fellow blogger Susan Rau Stocker while sitting in an urgent care during my long book tour. The laugh was a welcome lift, so I thought I’d pass it along. She throws in a helpful summary of the famous Myers / Briggs personality test too, which gave me a welcome refresher. I hope her story brings you a smile as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Let me set the scene. Phil Hockwait was the first therapist I ever saw. He told me, “You’re on the wrong side of the desk. Go back to school, get a counseling degree, and I’ll hire you the minute you graduate.” Five years later I was working with him. One of the great gifts he gave me in our ten years together was that we did quite a bit of co-therapy. We were a good team: he was all head, and I was all heart; he was slow and methodical, and I jumped in the deep end.
One of the clients we saw together was a sixty-year-old professor from a small Ohio college. He and the considerably younger woman he was dating were having some issues and sought out Phil, who pulled me in with him. We gave them the Myers/Briggs personality inventory. I speak of this often because it is a “short-cut” to getting to know a client. It is also a big help for clients to see for themselves how different people can be and where they land on the four different continuums:
Extroversion (E)-Introversion (I) – do you get your energy by being with people or by being alone. Professor was an introvert; girlfriend an extrovert.
Sensing (S)-Intuitive (N) – do you see the world in black and white or in gray/realist or idealist. Professor was intuitive; girlfriend was sensing.
Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) – make decisions in your head or heart. Professor was thinking; girlfriend was feeling.
Judging (J) or Perceiving (P) – organized and playful or shoot from the hip and make it up as you go along. Professor was judging; girlfriend was perceiving.
Professor was an INTJ – girlfriend an ESFP.
Now, this actually was perfect for a great relationship: they were the ultimate balance and together could cover all the bases needed for life. However, there would be challenges where they would drive each other crazy.
This particular day we were working with the professor alone, and he brought in some of the crazy-making things the girlfriend was doing, like her earrings were too big and clanky. I immediately leaped to the Myers/Briggs to explain that these things were about her perceiving nature, she was a “P”, and his judging nature. He was a “J”. I began eloquently talking about “P’s” and “J’s” and how important each element was in a full, happy life – you have to be able to pay the bills (J), but you also want to be able to do a thing or two spontaneously (P), like go out to dinner or have a snuggle.
In a moment of inspiration, I started talking about the professor’s “J-ness” and how he had that half of the whole totally figured out. He needed to practice being more impulsive and “in the moment.” So, said I, “What you have to do is develop your P-ness.”
I put my hand over my mouth. What I said sounded like: develop you penis.
And there you have it. It was weeks before either the professor or Phil could look at me without laughing. That happened in about 1988. Feels like yesterday. Some things you never forget.
I hope you got a Saturday morning laugh. Have a great week. We’ll see what trouble I can get into this week!! Love Susan
SLOW DOWN AND THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK – OR DON’T, AND GIVE EVERYONE A GOOD LAUGH.
Susan Rau Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.
