Years ago, we’d hired him to install hardwood flooring in our new sun room. He’d missed the nail and left a small hammer mark in the expensive wood. My wife and I assured him that it was fine. We actually like a few dings because it gives the floor character and shows that it’s real.
I’m working on adopting that perspective for myself. My instinct is to present a faultless, unblemished version of myself to everyone. But that’s not a true picture. It’s not reality. Letting my blemishes and imperfections show makes me more alive, more relatable, more real. The posts where I admit my failings and mistakes regularly get more engagement than my success stories.
It makes sense. With so much fake, filtered, and curated content online, there’s a real hunger for the real, the raw, the unvarnished. We respond to it on a visceral level because we know that’s our personal reality. We’re all lovable, beautiful, and worthy, but we’re also scarred, imperfect creatures with growth edges. Like draws like. Deep calls to deep. Truth satisfies in a way the manufactured never can.
As you consider what to share online and with those around you, drop your guard a little. Open up. Be vulnerable. Be real. Let your cracks show, because, as the saying goes, that’s where your light shines through. If you do, you’ll help create a more honest and meaningful world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
After writing last week’s post on the dual nature of freedom (freedom from + freedom for), I read the Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation. It shared an expert from author Sarah Bessey on the importance of being “against” what is bad, but also “for” what is good. I’m sharing it here as a follow up and expansion on last week’s theme. I hope it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Imagining and contending for what you hope for in this world is one of the hardest and kindest paths I’ve discovered out here. In the midst of all this, don’t forget to imagine something better. Don’t forget to dream of what could be possible. And don’t forget to live into those hopes with faithfulness. Move in that direction, especially when all you know is “not this.”
If it helps, sometimes I’ve thought of this as the rhythm of turning away and then turning toward, almost like a beautiful dance…. We turn away from those things we’re against and toward the hopeful future we imagine. In a purposeful movement, we turn away from the practices or beliefs or habits that consume us, threaten us, reduce us, and distract us. And then we turn toward what brings flourishing, goodness, and truth to us. Turn away, yes, and turn toward…. What we turn toward should reorient us to the world in a posture of love, joy, and service.
It can be a simple rhythm to begin with. Turning away from spaces in social media that have become toxic for you and turning toward inviting a lonely neighbor over for tea. Turning away from voices that bring shame and guilt to you or others and turning toward voices that preach freedom and wholeness and love. Or turning away from shrinking back and shutting up to keep the peace; turning toward owning your voice, your body, your experiences with boldness. Turning away from gossip and petty nitpicking; turning toward language of blessing….
Begin with Against, and keep going until you find your For. It’s an act of defiant faith. It will give you something to lean into. It will give you a path to follow.
Sarah Bessey, Field Notes for the Wilderness: Practices for an Evolving Faith (New York: Convergent Books, 2024), 171, 173–174. As shared in the July 6, 2024 Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org)
In the US, we recently celebrated the 4th of July, marking the anniversary of freedom from British rule. The early colonists desired freedom FROM a monarchy which called the shots from afar, so they could have freedom FOR a democracy that allowed them to chart their own path. They realized that if they wanted the latter, they needed to break from the former. Their “for” gave clarity and motivation to their “from.”
I recently wrote about my wife and I pursuing our dream of a nomadic life (you can read that post here). I was shocked by the high level of interest. Many of the comments spoke wistfully of the sense of freedom our nomadic goal represented. I want to share about our new season in a hopefully helpful way, which led me to the idea of the dualistic “from” and “for” nature of freedom.
Lisa and I are pursing the nomadic lifestyle because we desire FREEDOM FROM:
1. set schedules
2. mortgages
3. debt
4. maintenance
5. possessions
…to allow FREEDOM FOR:
1. travel
2. research & writing
3. seeing scattered family & friends
4. simplicity
5. flexibility & spontaneity
As we’ve learned from hard experience, getting freedom FROM those things takes intentionality, effort, and perseverance. We needed the clarity of our freedom FOR list to give us the necessary motivation to keep hacking our way toward our dream.
Here’s an example—a few days ago, we woke at 3:30 am to discover our air conditioner had gone out, despite having it serviced a few months ago. With current highs in Phoenix reaching 114 degrees F and lows in the mid 80s, this was a problem. Not to mention that we are literally days away from closing on the property to begin nomadic living. The irony was not lost on us.
When we learned our AC tech was out of town for the holiday weekend, we took it as a sign and decided to move out early. Starting at 8:00 am, we did all the last-minute washing, packing, and cleaning in the growing heat, then loaded our little red 2007 Pontiac G6 with everything we were taking into our nomadic life, minus the boxes of financial docs, photos, favorite books, and memorabilia we’ve stowed in our daughter’s guest room closet and the two suitcases temporarily stashed at a friend’s house until the roomier SUV we purchased arrives.
Tired and sweaty, we drove to a hotel that afternoon, leaving behind all our furnishings which were thankfully purchased by our condo buyer, eliminating the hassle of selling and donating our remaining possessions. The broken AC, lingering condo closing, and our currently-for-sale rental house keep us from feeling the transition fully, but even with those loose ends, we’re officially living nomadically. When the dust settles, everything we own in the world will be in our daughter’s closet and our compact SUV. It’s an exhausting but thrilling time. Our freedom FROM list is almost completed, and our freedom FOR journey awaits.
When you think about your life, what do want freedom FROM? A bad relationship? An unfulfilling job? Crushing debt? What do you want freedom FOR? Volunteering? Hobbies? Deeper friendships? Reflect on these questions seriously. Discuss them with your inner circle. Get specific with your answers. Write them down. Then let your FOR list motivate you to tackle your FROM list. If you do, you’ll find the freedom you crave, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.
