Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Author: Matt McMann (Page 8 of 94)

Matt McMann writes books for children and the personal development blog Becoming Yourself (becomingyourself.net).

A Humbling Reminder to Be Kind

June 29, 2024 / / 0 Comments

The man was surly.

We’d eaten at the restaurant several times. The food was good and the location convenient, but the server was memorable for his sour mood. He’d waited on us before, and each time he radiated the same “I don’t want to be here” vibe. 

This time, my wife discovered a toothpick in her taquito. Fortunately, it didn’t hurt her, and it had obviously been used during preparation before somehow getting rolled up inside. She decided not to say anything. 

We finished our meal and went to the register to pay. As our server rang us up, his gruff demeanor fell away. “I saw the toothpick on your plate. I’m so sorry that happened. I don’t know how it got there, but it was clean, just used in prep.” 

My wife assured him accidents happen and that it was okay. He replied, “Thank you for being a nice person. Most people aren’t. When something goes wrong, they get mad and write bad reviews and hurt our business even more.”

I asked him if he was the owner, and he nodded glumly. I told him I couldn’t imagine how tough it was to run a restaurant. His reply was startlingly honest: “I want to jump off a building. We never recovered from Covid. The rent is too high. We’re just barely getting by.”

We expressed our sympathy, gave him a nice tip, and said our goodbyes. As we drove away, my wife and I discussed how our perspective of the man had changed now that we knew what he was going through. I was reminded of a quote:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

plato

When you come across a difficult person, try to withhold judgement. Remember that you don’t know what struggles they’re facing. The young, checked-out cashier might have just gotten rejected for the scholarship that was her only hope for college. The guy who cut you off in traffic may be a single dad racing home from his third job, trying to see his kids before they fall asleep. The older woman distractedly blocking the grocery aisle with her cart may have just buried her husband of fifty-three years. Give the grace you’d hope to receive when you’re not at your best. If you do, you’ll help create a kinder world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

5 Life Lessons I Learned From My Granddog

June 22, 2024 / / 0 Comments

His name is Leonard.

He’s an adorable black Bernedoodle, half Bernese Mountain Dog, half Poodle, the latest addition to my daughter and son-in-law’s growing menagerie. At only four months old, Leonard is already thirty-five pounds, and he’s all puppy—nipping, playing, napping, and eating everything in sight. We love him.

While spending time with Leonard, I’ve noticed he embodies certain traits that I want more of in my own life:

1. Be curious

For Leonard, everything is new and fascinating. I’m trying to remember how the world looked when I was young and to see things through the eyes of my inner child (or in this case, my inner puppy). I’m working on rediscovering the wonder in the wonderfully ordinary. Exploring. Asking questions. Trying new things. It makes life, and me, more interesting.

Leonard discovering a moth

2. Express affection

Leonard is not lacking in this department, sharing his snuggles and kisses generously. What does that look like for me? If I care about someone, I should show it. If I like them, I should let them know. I want to worry less about what people might think of me and more about making sure they know they’re special. Tail wagging is optional.

3. Take naps

Leonard is a champion napper. I’ve started trying it when I’m weary. My attitude and energy level are better for it. And the people around me benefit from me being less cranky and more fun. 

Leonard showing patience with his “big brother” Otis

4. Be patient

Though he’s three times the size, Leonard never reacts to his big brother Otis’s snarls and snaps, while Otis adjusts to not getting all the attention. Without understanding what Otis is going through, I could make a wrong judgement about his temperament. People are the same. Most of them are facing battles I don’t know about. When they’re prickly, I try to be as patient with them as I’d want them to be with me when I’m not at my best.

5. Be yourself

Awkward. Shy. Playful. Silly. Leonard is all these things. He has no pretense and wears no masks, taking everyone at face value and assuming they’ll do the same with him. The lesson is clear—whoever I am, I should be that.

A squinty sunrise shot of me with Leonard

Which of these puppy traits do you already embody? Which could use some attention? Be curious. Express affection. Take naps. Be patient. Be yourself. If you do, you’ll live a deeper, more enjoyable life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Price of Following a Dream

June 15, 2024 / / 8 Comments

This might be a really bad idea.

For years, my wife and I have toyed with the notion of becoming nomads. We both love to travel, and as authors, we can work remotely. Our two kids are married and thriving. Other than our friends, our stuff, and our condo, there’s not much tying us to one place.

What if we ditched the mortgage, sold everything, and hit the road?Traveled the country and the world, living in AirBnbs, hotels, with friends and family, writing as we go? Free to live virtually anywhere at anytime—what would that be like?

It’s been an intriguing idea, but the timing never felt right. That’s what we told ourselves anyway. In reality, I lacked the courage.

Until now. 

Lisa and I have each lost a parent in the last eighteen months, which drove home the reality that life is short and the future is not guaranteed. And being in our mid fifties, we’ve lived long enough to learn that deferred dreams have a way of never coming to pass.

So we’re not going to delay any longer. A few months ago, we sold rental house #1. We’re in the process of selling rental house #2. We put our primary residence condo on the market last week, expecting to wait several months for a decent offer. It sold in two days.

Now we’re scrambling. We already took a significant step toward minimalism a number of years ago when we downsized from an oversized, overstuffed house in the suburbs to a one thousand square foot condo. Now we’re going even further. We’re trading in our 2007 two door sedan for a new SUV. Other than some boxes of important documents, treasured memorabilia, and favorite books in a closet at our daughter’s place, everything we own has to fit in our new home on wheels.

While this dream comes with a lot of freedom, flexibility, new experiences, and low fixed expenses, there are some strong downsides—giving up a place we can call our own, set up just the way we like it, that we can return to anytime. The grind of travel. Time away from friends.

Will we love this new life? Hate it? Burn out in six months and choose to buy or rent a full-time home base again? I have no idea. But I find I’m incredibly excited. And proud of us for taking this step into the unknown. Whatever the outcome, we’ll make some great memories and wont have to live with “what if?”

How about you? Do you have a costly dream? Something that would make the people around you scratch their heads? Maybe it’s giving up a lucrative career for an “impractical” one that makes you come alive. Or turning down a relationship that’s perfect-on-paper for someone who simply makes you happy. Or giving up TV and nights out to write that novel that you’ve been mulling for years. Think it through. Plan well. Choose your moment. Breathe deep. Then jump. At worst, you’ll fail while living boldly. At best, you’ll discover previously unknown heights of joy and fulfillment. Either way, you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

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