My wife Lisa and I are currently on a month-long journey to seven countries. While happily exploring new places, I’m editing a new novel (my first for adults) and helping Lisa develop our Substack online newsletter based on our nomadic life called Footnote: Two Nomadic Authors Hike the World. If you’d like to follow our travels, you can read about them here. Here’s a classic Becoming Yourself post that I originally published June 29, 2019.
The massage was done, and I could barely get off the table. Not because I was so relaxed, but because I was in so much pain. I injured my lower back nine months ago, and the recovery has been a slow walk down a long road. Even after a massage, my back muscles were spasming, making it feel like I was being prodded none-too-gently with an electric knife.
It wasn’t a complete surprise. I had flown to Phoenix for a music gig over the weekend, and travel, along with being on stage, can aggravate the injury. When I got back home, I had to do some furniture repair work in our apartment which required a lot of bending, another trigger.
On my massage therapist’s recommendation, I iced my back that night which helped. The next morning, I walked to an errand with my wife while I waited for my chiropractor’s office to open. My back seized up on the return trip, requiring me to stop and stretch it out before I could continue. Still having this much trouble nine months after the injury was frustrating.
Later that morning, I told my chiropractor everything I’d been doing and the pain I’d been experiencing. His reply really helped my perspective. He reminded me that a few months ago, just flying alone was enough to cause me pain. This time, it took the cumulative effect of traveling, performing, and doing a home repair project to bring on the pain symptoms. He congratulated me on my progress. I realized that the ground I’d gained on dealing with this issue had been so gradual over such a long period of time that I wasn’t seeing it clearly. I was focusing on the fact that I’m still dealing with pain after nine months vs. what it takes to cause pain now compared to earlier in my recovery.
How often do I do the same thing with personal development? I look at a growth area I’ve been working on and am frustrated that I’m not where I want to be. But am I better than I was? Have I made improvements, however slow the process has been? Am I farther down the road than when I started?
My challenge to myself and encouragement to you in your personal development process is this:
Gauge success based on how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go.
Instead of asking yourself, “Am I in shape?”, ask “Am I in better shape than when I started working out?” Instead of “Do I still get angry?”, ask “Do I get angry less often than I used to?” Instead of “Am I still in debt?”, ask “Am I less in debt that I was a year ago?” Instead of “Are my prayers honest?”, ask “Are my prayers more honest than they used to be?”
I’m not talking about rationalizing bad behavior, making excuses, or taking our eyes off our growth goals. I’m talking about redefining success as forward progress. Moving in the right direction. Like life, personal development is a journey, not a destination. When I first started this blog, Becoming Yourself, I almost used the tag line “Develop Your Best Self.” But I realized that was misleading. It implies that your best self is something you can attain when it’s not. Not in this life anyway. I chose the phrase “Developing a Better You” because I believe it more accurately reflects the ongoing, life-long process of personal development.
So how about you? How do you define your personal development success? Give yourself a break. When you’re gauging how you’re doing, look back at how far you’ve come vs. just looking at how far you have to go. Be encouraged. Be proud of yourself. Choose the long view. Let that positive feeling motivate you to keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you do, you’ll take another great step toward Becoming Yourself.
