In last week’s post, therapist Susan Stocker offered suggestions on beating the blues by taking inventory of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. As a follow up, I’m sharing a favorite personal development book of mine from each category:
As high cholesterol and heart issues run in my family, this is a topic of personal interest. Moore and Westman turn the traditionally understood relationship between cholesterol and heart health on its head. With layman’s language, this is a very readable and compelling book for anyone looking for a more complete understanding of this very common health issue.
This unique book takes fifty of the world’s most important philosophical ideas and explains them in one page each. Clear language and bold graphics help even a novice grasp these concepts that most of us have heard about but never really understood. Reading these passages will help you think about your life and the world in new and better ways.
Why are the Danish people consistently ranked as the happiest in the world? This small, compulsively readable book answers that question. Author Meik Wiking, the CEO of The Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, balances sharing his research findings with colorful anecdotes and insights into Danish culture. After reading this, don’t be surprised if you find yourself buying a new sweater, lighting candles, and inviting friends over for comfort food in front of the fireplace.
George MacDonald (1824-1905) is widely considered one of the most influential and important writers of the Victorian era. Written in 1880, this collection of MacDonald’s poetic prayers is one of the most beautiful and compelling books I’ve ever read. Organized with a short prayer for each day of the year, my edition also has blank pages for doodling or journaling your own thoughts and prayers in response to his. This is a book I’ve returned to again and again when I need a balm for my soul.
So how about you? Do any of these books spark your interest? Pick one up today. What are some of your favorite personal development books? Share them in the comment section below. For fun, I’ve included a video tour of my former closet library from my YouTube channel. Thanks so much for being a part of this community. I hope these recommendations encourage, equip, and empower you on your journey to Becoming Yourself.
My good friend Danielle Thorp, who goes by her nickname, “Happy”, is a very talented freelance writer, editor, and personal development blogger. I asked her if she’d be willing to write a guest post for Becoming Yourself, and she graciously agreed. I’m so glad to share her insight with you today. If you or someone you know needs editing or writing services, I highly recommend Happy. Her contact info is at the end of this post. Enjoy!
As Matt pointed out in his last post, it’s been quite a year. And yes, it’s only July.
The strict lock-downs in New York City due to COVID-19 have had me living in relative isolation in a tiny studio apartment in Brooklyn since the second week of March. Losing my job at the beginning of May abruptly stole a great deal of built-in structure and meaning. An uptick in crime in a nearby neighborhood made venturing out feel a bit unnerving during the first half of June. More than once, falling into complete despair has become seriously tempting.
But while I may or may not have occasionally crawled into bed at 3pm with a bottle of wine and a bag of potato chips to watch entirely too many movies on Hallmark Now, years of leaning into personal development practices – in both good times and bad – have taught me how indispensable self-care is during seasons like this.
Here are three of the practices that I’ve found most helpful recently.
1. MOVE
In an early episode of her podcast, Unlocking Us, Brené Brown shared 7 words that have become something of a mantra for me this year: “Move your body; it’s where anxiety lives.”
We know this intuitively; when we’re stressed, our shoulders become tense, we clench our jaws, we find ourselves tapping our fingers or a foot. Stress can have a profound impact not just on our moods, but on our behaviors (choices) and our physical bodies (including our immune systems). A quick internet search turns up not just a wealth of information on the symptoms of stress, but also a key and proven way to mitigate the anxiety that accompanies stress: movement.
Extensive research also shows that time in nature has a positive impact on reducing the symptoms of stress and anxiety. So, I make it a point to get out for a walk as often as possible – at least once a day, if not more often. It’s not always safe to go to a park, due to overcrowding – it’s hard to stay 6 feet away from others in a crowd! – but even a walk around the block to enjoy my neighbors’ flower gardens can help me calm down when I’m anxious. And on rainy days when I can’t get outside, I water my plants and try to do some simple yoga/stretches.
2. BREATHE
In a recent article in the Wall Street Journal on The Healing Power of Proper Breathing, author James Nestor jokes, “Breathing is not an activity that anyone is feeling confident about right now.”
There’s some truth to that – most of us are currently living with a healthy respect for an airborne virus – so breathing deeply (especially through a mask!) may not feel like the most natural solution to our problems. But not breathing deeply can actually increase feelings of stress and anxiety.
Last fall, I experienced a series of panic attacks that came seemingly out of nowhere. In retrospect, they were likely related to unprocessed grief and a lot of change – but one of the symptoms that manifested in those moments was feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Two very wise friends who had experience navigating panic taught me some breathing patterns and what they knew about the science behind why they work to induce calm. It helped immensely.
Similar experiences of panic have asserted themselves periodically over the past few weeks, which isn’t all that surprising. While what I’ve already discovered has been useful, I’m still learning as much as I can about the ways that breathing impacts our health. In fact, James Nestor’s latest book, Breath, is literally changing the way I breathe on a daily basis – and I’m also experimenting with a variety of techniques. (Here are four that I plan to try).
3. GROW
Meditation and mindfulness are all the rage these days, but can I tell you a secret? I’m really bad at it. Sitting still to clear my mind in order to find out what’s in it takes a lot more time and effort than I’m usually able or willing to put into it on a good day, and with the added stresses of a global pandemic and unemployment, it’s just not happening. I can barely stay focused on a podcast I’m interested in without my mind wandering, much less sit still for fifteen minutes trying not to think. (Breathing techniques definitely help with this to some extent, but I’m a long way from being able to just sit still and breathe for long periods of time.)
That said, there are variations on meditation and mindfulness that do work for me. I learn a lot about myself by writing. It’s part of why I started a blog over a decade ago, and why I carry on long chains of email correspondence with friends and mentors who ask thoughtful and insightful questions that I don’t always think to ask myself.
Paying attention to the things I’ve learned and articulating them helps them stick. Journaling is a great way to process things, too; I personally just find telling someone else what I’ve learned to be more helpful, because it adds a level of accountability to do something about it that journaling simply doesn’t.
Listening to podcasts and reading books that challenge me to think about life in different ways is another gateway to meditation and mindfulness that works well for me. I’m addicted to stories; good storytellers have an artful way of communicating truth in personal ways. For example, Madeleine L’Engle’s A Ring of Endless Light was my first introduction to processing grief; I was in upper elementary school at the time. I still read that book almost once a year, and learn new things from it every time – not because the story has changed, but because I have.
I think we all have a lot to learn during this particular time in history: about ourselves, about the world we’ve participated in building, and about what it will take to fix the systemic flaws in our social, economic, and political structures. Perhaps the slower pace at which everything is moving by necessity will give us a gift that we often take for granted: time – to dig deep, to find out what needs to change in our lives in order for us to become the people we need to be to create a better world. (Side note: remember to practice self-compassion when you come across those things – change takes time, and that’s okay.)
What is one stride you can take today toward the future? Is it going for a walk, reading a book, calling a friend, learning to breathe? Decide what you can do today to care for yourself during stressful times, and you’ll be one step closer to Becoming Yourself.
Happy is a writer and copy editor, living in Brooklyn, NY. She writes about faith and happiness (among other things) at Simple Felicity, and is currently taking on freelance copy editing projects while looking for full time work. You can find her through her website, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Sign up for her monthly newsletter, Happy Things, for exclusive content and updates.
It was mostly my own stupidity plus a little bad luck.
Last week, I had scheduled plenty of time to go home after my 11:45 am blood donation to eat a meal before my 3:00 pm haircut. Both locations are just down the street from my Sacramento apartment and easily walkable. I’d donate blood, stop home to eat and rest, then head to my haircut. No problem.
Things didn’t work out that way. When I arrived to donate, the nurse asked if I would be willing to do a double donation, simultaneously giving both platelets and plasma. She said it would take about 90 minutes. As that would still give me plenty of time before my haircut, I agreed. But the blood donation center was implementing a new software system which slowed down the check in process. Then once I had been in the chair for about 15 minutes, my left arm stopped cooperating causing an issue with the blood draw. The nurse said she’d need to switch to my right arm and start the process over again.
By the time I was actually finished donating, it was 2:30 pm. With the required 15 minute recovery period in the waiting area, I no longer had time to get a meal before my 3:00 pm haircut. I knew it wasn’t ideal, but I loaded up on the available free snacks to get me through until I got home.
As the haircut began, I started feeling a little unwell. No big deal, I thought, I’ll just gut it out. Then I began to sweat. A lot. Hair clippings were sticking to my face. I became lightheaded and nauseous. It was at that moment I realized I was in trouble. The affects of the double donation and lack of food had hit me hard, but my options seemed limited. How do you stop in the middle of a haircut? I let the stylist know what was happening and asked her to go as fast as she could.
The staff at the salon was awesome. While my stylist kicked it into overdrive, other people brought me some water and mini candy canes from the front counter. I chewed them, desperately trying to get some sugar into my system. Then my vision started to go. I could only make out blurry patches of light through the blackness as I struggled to stay upright in the chair. They offered to call 911 as my stylist finished, but I said I just needed to lie down. Two staff members helped me out of the chair and over to a nearby bench. Still unable to see clearly, I used voice command on my phone to call my wife Lisa to come and help me walk the half a block home.
My stylist stayed with me while a different staff person brought some chocolate covered pretzels from the break room. It was like handing someone dying of thirst a glass of ice water. I inhaled the whole bag. Slowly my vision came back, and with an incredible sense of relief, I felt a semblance of normalcy return. My wife arrived a few minutes later, paid the bill (including a generous tip), and after I’d offered my sincerest expressions of gratitude to all, she helped me home.
As I think back on that experience, I find myself feeling extremely grateful. Not for the sickness, or the sense of being trapped, or the embarrassment, but for the incredible generosity and kindness of a group of strangers. So often today, we hear how divided we all are, how people are selfish or mean-spirited. But that wasn’t what I saw that day. These people rallied around me, cared for me, and in no way made me feel ashamed for inconveniencing them or for making the very poor decision to not reschedule my appointment. That encounter strengthened my belief in basic human goodness.
I also realized how much I like to think of myself as independent and self-sufficient, able to handle most things on my own. That experience humbled me and reminded me that there are times in life when I really need to rely on people. That I can’t make it on my own. That on this crazy journey we call life, I need help from others just like they need help from me.
So as you go through your day, remember that sometimes you’re going to need help. It might be the physical variety, like getting sick in a hair salon. It might be emotional support, like needing a hug or someone to talk to. It could be mental assistance, like getting advice on a difficult decision. Or it could be spiritual aid, like trying to find a deeper sense of meaning or identity. Whatever type of help you need, reach out for it. Embrace it. Be grateful for it. Allow others to experience the gift of being needed. Return the favor. And be encouraged by the basic goodness of others. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
