My good friend Danielle Thorp, who goes by her nickname, “Happy”, is a very talented freelance writer, editor, and personal development blogger. I asked her if she’d be willing to write a guest post for Becoming Yourself, and she graciously agreed. I’m so glad to share her insight with you today. If you or someone you know needs editing or writing services, I highly recommend Happy. Her contact info is at the end of this post. Enjoy!
As Matt pointed out in his last post, it’s been quite a year. And yes, it’s only July.
The strict lock-downs in New York City due to COVID-19 have had me living in relative isolation in a tiny studio apartment in Brooklyn since the second week of March. Losing my job at the beginning of May abruptly stole a great deal of built-in structure and meaning. An uptick in crime in a nearby neighborhood made venturing out feel a bit unnerving during the first half of June. More than once, falling into complete despair has become seriously tempting.
But while I may or may not have occasionally crawled into bed at 3pm with a bottle of wine and a bag of potato chips to watch entirely too many movies on Hallmark Now, years of leaning into personal development practices – in both good times and bad – have taught me how indispensable self-care is during seasons like this.
Here are three of the practices that I’ve found most helpful recently.
1. MOVE
In an early episode of her podcast, Unlocking Us, Brené Brown shared 7 words that have become something of a mantra for me this year: “Move your body; it’s where anxiety lives.”
We know this intuitively; when we’re stressed, our shoulders become tense, we clench our jaws, we find ourselves tapping our fingers or a foot. Stress can have a profound impact not just on our moods, but on our behaviors (choices) and our physical bodies (including our immune systems). A quick internet search turns up not just a wealth of information on the symptoms of stress, but also a key and proven way to mitigate the anxiety that accompanies stress: movement.
Extensive research also shows that time in nature has a positive impact on reducing the symptoms of stress and anxiety. So, I make it a point to get out for a walk as often as possible – at least once a day, if not more often. It’s not always safe to go to a park, due to overcrowding – it’s hard to stay 6 feet away from others in a crowd! – but even a walk around the block to enjoy my neighbors’ flower gardens can help me calm down when I’m anxious. And on rainy days when I can’t get outside, I water my plants and try to do some simple yoga/stretches.
2. BREATHE
In a recent article in the Wall Street Journal on The Healing Power of Proper Breathing, author James Nestor jokes, “Breathing is not an activity that anyone is feeling confident about right now.”
There’s some truth to that – most of us are currently living with a healthy respect for an airborne virus – so breathing deeply (especially through a mask!) may not feel like the most natural solution to our problems. But not breathing deeply can actually increase feelings of stress and anxiety.
Last fall, I experienced a series of panic attacks that came seemingly out of nowhere. In retrospect, they were likely related to unprocessed grief and a lot of change – but one of the symptoms that manifested in those moments was feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Two very wise friends who had experience navigating panic taught me some breathing patterns and what they knew about the science behind why they work to induce calm. It helped immensely.
Similar experiences of panic have asserted themselves periodically over the past few weeks, which isn’t all that surprising. While what I’ve already discovered has been useful, I’m still learning as much as I can about the ways that breathing impacts our health. In fact, James Nestor’s latest book, Breath, is literally changing the way I breathe on a daily basis – and I’m also experimenting with a variety of techniques. (Here are four that I plan to try).
3. GROW
Meditation and mindfulness are all the rage these days, but can I tell you a secret? I’m really bad at it. Sitting still to clear my mind in order to find out what’s in it takes a lot more time and effort than I’m usually able or willing to put into it on a good day, and with the added stresses of a global pandemic and unemployment, it’s just not happening. I can barely stay focused on a podcast I’m interested in without my mind wandering, much less sit still for fifteen minutes trying not to think. (Breathing techniques definitely help with this to some extent, but I’m a long way from being able to just sit still and breathe for long periods of time.)
That said, there are variations on meditation and mindfulness that do work for me. I learn a lot about myself by writing. It’s part of why I started a blog over a decade ago, and why I carry on long chains of email correspondence with friends and mentors who ask thoughtful and insightful questions that I don’t always think to ask myself.
Paying attention to the things I’ve learned and articulating them helps them stick. Journaling is a great way to process things, too; I personally just find telling someone else what I’ve learned to be more helpful, because it adds a level of accountability to do something about it that journaling simply doesn’t.
Listening to podcasts and reading books that challenge me to think about life in different ways is another gateway to meditation and mindfulness that works well for me. I’m addicted to stories; good storytellers have an artful way of communicating truth in personal ways. For example, Madeleine L’Engle’s A Ring of Endless Light was my first introduction to processing grief; I was in upper elementary school at the time. I still read that book almost once a year, and learn new things from it every time – not because the story has changed, but because I have.
I think we all have a lot to learn during this particular time in history: about ourselves, about the world we’ve participated in building, and about what it will take to fix the systemic flaws in our social, economic, and political structures. Perhaps the slower pace at which everything is moving by necessity will give us a gift that we often take for granted: time – to dig deep, to find out what needs to change in our lives in order for us to become the people we need to be to create a better world. (Side note: remember to practice self-compassion when you come across those things – change takes time, and that’s okay.)
What is one stride you can take today toward the future? Is it going for a walk, reading a book, calling a friend, learning to breathe? Decide what you can do today to care for yourself during stressful times, and you’ll be one step closer to Becoming Yourself.
Happy is a writer and copy editor, living in Brooklyn, NY. She writes about faith and happiness (among other things) at Simple Felicity, and is currently taking on freelance copy editing projects while looking for full time work. You can find her through her website, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Sign up for her monthly newsletter, Happy Things, for exclusive content and updates.
