Developing a Better You

Category: Mind (Page 15 of 50)

Embrace Love to Reduce Fear

I was a fearful kid.

Ghosts. The basement. Dark woods. Bullies. That creepy clown painting my parents had. Fear was a frequent companion of my youth.

Fear continued to maintain its grip into my adulthood. What people thought of me. Navigating parenthood. My mistakes and failings being exposed. Career missteps. Relationship anxieties.

Now that I’m in my fifties, I’ve learned to let go of many of the fears that have plagued me, but not all. It’s still an issue I wrestle with regularly. Will I fail at my new author career? Will my kids continue to thrive? Will my wife get sick? Am I doing enough to help others?

When I read the following excerpt from author and teacher Henri Nouwen, it helped me realign my perspective on fear. I felt my shoulders relax and breathed a deep, contented sigh.

If you struggle with fear as I do, I hope you’ll find a tonic here. You may not believe in God or a Higher Power, and I respect that position. Either way, I encourage you to ponder these words and focus on the Love he describes. If you do, I believe you’ll find some freedom from fear’s grip and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

“We are fearful people. We are afraid of conflict, war, an uncertain future, illness, and, most of all, death. This fear takes away our freedom and gives our society the power to manipulate us with threats and promises. When we can reach beyond our fears to the One who loves us with a love that was there before we were born and will be there after we die, then oppression, persecution, and even death will be unable to take our freedom.

Once we have come to the deep inner knowledge—a knowledge more of the heart than of the mind—that we are born out of love and will die into love, that every part of our being is deeply rooted in love, and that this love is our true Father and Mother, then all forms of evil, illness, and death lose their final power over us and become painful but hopeful reminders of our true divine childhood. The apostle Paul expressed this experience of the complete freedom of the children of God when he wrote, ‘I am certain of this: neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nothing already in existence and nothing still to come, nor any power, nor the heights nor the depths, nor any created thing whatever, will be able to come between us and the love of God, known to us in Christ Jesus’” (Romans 8:38–39).

Henri nouwen in “you are the beloved”

As shared in the Henri Nouwen Society Daily Meditation Oct 1, 2022. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

Three Simple Questions to Improve Your Communication

“And then things got heated…”

How often could you use that phrase to describe a conversation you’ve overheard or been a part of? It seems all too common these days. Discourse about politics, religion, race, social issues, family, fill-in-the-blank, so often devolves into harsh words, judgements, and accusations. It feels like we’re more divided from each other than ever.

In my own relationships and on a larger scale, I struggle to find things I can do to help heal our disunity, or at least not unnecessarily contribute to it. The problem feels big, and I feel inadequate to address it. But I take hope in remembering that small positive actions done over time, especially when replicated by many, can make a significant impact on the most daunting of dilemmas.

When I read the following quote, I felt like I’d been handed one such action:

Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?” At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?” At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”

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Such a simple technique. While it isn’t easy, I believe conditioning ourselves to pause and ask ourselves these three questions before we speak would radically improve our personal interactions. And who knows? Maybe our example would be followed by others and a broader healing could take place. Many ripples in a pond are created by a single stone.

Are you willing to try? Take just a moment to consider what you’re about to sayis it TRUE? Is it NECESSARY? Is it KIND? If you do, you’ll help heal our world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Personal Growth Motivation by Remembering your WHY

Personal development is hard. 

It takes intentionality. Forethought. Effort. Dedication. Discipline. It’s sometimes painful. The benefits are often far in the future. Do I believe it’s worth it? 1000%. Does pretending it’s easy help? No.

Remembering WHY you’re pursuing personal growth can provide the motivation you need to keep going. Your WHY can be a lot of things—more physical energy, greater peace, better relationships, a deeper sense of purpose, connecting with your Higher Power, healing a wound from your past, and the list goes on. 

I recently had a flash of personal WHY clarity when I read the following quote:

The only person who can answer the questions posed by the often painful challenges of aging is the person we will be in the moment we confront those circumstances. The shaping of that person into someone with greater wisdom and equanimity can begin in this moment.

Kathleen Dowling Singh in The Grace in Aging: Awaken as You Grown Older

I’m fifty-three. Not terribly old, but certainly not young. I’m closer to the end of my life than the beginning. As I look ahead to the questions aging brings, I’m reminded that the best thing I can bring to an unknown future is a mature version of myself. Improving my emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health now not only benefits me in the short term, but will also make the inevitable struggles of aging easier. That knowledge gives me serious motivation to do the work.

What are your WHYs for personal development? Remind yourself of them often. Write them on sticky notes on your mirror. Add them to your calendar the first of each month. Discuss them with trusted companions. Read, watch, and listen to others following a similar path. If you do, your future self will thank you, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

Kathleen Dowling Singh, The Grace in Aging: Awaken as You Grow Older (Boston, MA: Wisdom Publications, 2014), 12, 16–17, 17–18, 21, 24.

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