Developing a Better You

Category: Mind (Page 25 of 50)

A Life-Changing Truth: “I Am the Problem and the Solution”

About fifteen years ago, I was a parent chaperone for an elementary school field trip to a nature center in Phoenix Arizona. The park ranger said the desert climate we lived in was not naturally equipped to support the current population, and that our presence was having a negative effect on the environment. Then he had us all repeat something that I remember to this day:

“I am part of the problem. I am part of the solution.”

His point was crystal clear. My presence here—my driving a car, my using water, my taking up space—was contributing to the strain on the desert. I needed to acknowledge that I was part of the problem while embracing the fact that I was not a helpless bystander. My choices and actions could be part of the solution.

I’ve come to realize that lesson not only applies to living in the desert but to all of life. Racism—I am part of the problem, and I am part of the solution. Economic disparity—I am part of the problem, and I am part of the solution. Climate change, social disunity, gender bias, name your societal issue—I am a part of both the problem and the solution. Saying that my words and silence, my action and inaction, my attitudes and behaviors have no impact on those issues would show a disregard for how interconnected we all are. Just as my presence in the desert impacts the climate, my presence in society impacts our common struggles, for good or for ill.

This idea also applies to my personal world. My fears. My insecurities. My anxieties. My failings. My shortcomings. Many factors play into the issues I face, but my choices substantially contribute to them. I am part of the problem, and I am part of the solution. While I can’t control much of what happens to me, I can control how I respond to it. I can choose not to play the victim, the martyr or the saint.

That said, a mature perspective also acknowledges that I’m only a part of the problems and solutions that both I and society face. I alone didn’t get myself or society into our respective messes. I had help.

On the personal side, trauma, home environment, bad luck, my inborn matrix of personality, intelligence and gifting all played a role in my current problems. I can’t get out of them alone. I need help—people to speak into my life with compassionate, objective wisdom, giving me the support, tools and encouragement I require to heal and grow. And people need me to do the same for them.

When I look at our joint struggles, I find I’m in good company. Many others have contributed to our collective problems, and we can only effectively address them together. I need people I can stand beside to tackle society’s ills, adding my small voice to a growing chorus that becomes a deafening roar, leading to real progress and systematic change.

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.

Frederick Buechner

So how about you? How will you respond? Admit that you are part of the problem. Own the role you’ve played in your personal and our collective struggles. Admit that you are part of the solution. Find and embrace your role in healing yourself and our world. If you’re a person of faith, consider adopting one of my recurring prayers: “God, help me know who I am and what is mine to do.” Ask for and accept help from others, and give your help in return. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Want Your Best Life? Have the Courage to Look Within

The things that trouble our spirits are within us already. In meditation, we must face them, accept them, and set them aside one by one.

Christopher L. Bennett

This quote nails one of the reasons I sometimes avoid meditation—I’m afraid of what I might find. When I set aside all my distractions, quiet my mind, and look at myself honestly, who knows what may arise from the depths? I often have a suspicion when there are things inside me that I don’t want to face. False ego props, things I’ve done wrong, people I’ve hurt, beliefs I stubbornly cling too that I know won’t hold up to real scrutiny. Like a warning light on a dashboard or a lingering physical pain, I’m tempted to just ignore it and hope it goes away.

A friend recently told me about his meditation technique for deeper self-awareness. He revealed some of the frightening things he’s encountered within himself, things that he now knows he has to face. We all have those inner demons, monsters within us that we need to slay in order to become who we truly desire to be.

One of my favorite fantasy novels is The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks. At the end of the story, the hero discovers the magical power of the titular blade is that it forces the wielder to face the truth about themselves. All their lies, delusions, rationalizations, and self-deception are stripped away. The naked truth destroys those who are not strong enough to face it. That’s what meditation can do—force us to face our true selves. To look deeply inside ourselves is to willingly grasp the sword, knowing the trial to come.

So why would we do this? Why put ourselves through that kind of struggle? Simply this:

Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear. 

George addair

The truth of that quote both haunts and emboldens me. I know what I want, but I’m often afraid of what it takes to get it. When I’m aligned with my better angels, I gather my support network, summon my courage, and face my fears. Invariably, even if I initially fail, I move closer to my best self and my dream life in the process.

So what is it that you truly desire? Who do you want to become? What’s keeping you from your dreams? Are you willing to grasp the Sword? Focus on your goal. Go somewhere quiet. Close your eyes, breathe deep, and still your mind. Invite God or the Universe or Creation or your Inner Self or whatever you believe in to reveal what they will. Ask them to shine a light on the path to your True Self and for courage to face the real you. Acknowledge whatever arises. Process it with trusted friends and / or a good therapist. Take concrete steps to address what you find. If you do, you’ll discover adventure, joy and peace on the other side, and you’ll take a giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

Mystery Castle: Turn Your Annoyance into Passion

In the rugged desert outside of Phoenix Arizona stands a castle.

This unusual structure was built by an unusual man. In the early 1920s, Boyce Gully was diagnosed with tuberculosis and given two months to live. He chose to face his impending death by running away. Without telling his wife and daughter of his diagnosis or his departure, Boyce left Seattle and moved to a desolate plot of land outside the then fledgling town of Phoenix.

Current day view of downtown Phoenix from Mystery Castle

Possibly aided by the desert climate, Boyce did not die in two months. Realizing he was feeling better, he decided to spend whatever time he had remaining building a fairy tale castle for the young daughter he’d left behind. Over the next twenty-odd years, Boyce scavenged rail yards and construction sites, hotel auctions and trash heaps, and used the random collection of materials to build his castle. Skylights made from old glass bakeware supplemented the natural light brought in from circular windows made from repurposed car tire rims.

In 1945, Bryce’s wife and daughter, Mary Lou, still living in Seattle, received surprising news from the man’s lawyer. Bryce had just died and left them a castle. The astonished women made the trip to Phoenix to see the property. The lawyer showed them one particularly unusual spot – a locked trap door in the floor of one of the rooms. Another surprise followed – Bryce’s will stipulated that his wife and daughter must live in the castle for two years before his lawyer would be allowed to use the only key to open the strange locker.

Showing strong wills and adventurous spirits, the women agreed. Over the two years, they fell in love with their desert retreat. On the day set for the opening of the mysterious compartment, Life magazine showed up to cover the event. When the lid was pulled back, the women discovered cash, gold, Bryce’s journals, and letters to them explaining what he’d done and why. The story about the “Mystery Castle” made the cover of Life in January 1948.

Soon after, strangers, intrigued by the story, began showing up on the property. Tired of continually running off the curious crowds, Bryce’s widow and Mary Lou tried to stem the tide by sticking a sign out front requiring a paid admission. Undeterred, people opened their wallets and asked to see the place. The women started providing regular paid tours and found that they actually loved showing off their Mystery Castle. Mary Lou gave tours until her death in 2010, and a foundation she established continues the tradition to this day.

As I wandered Mystery Castle on a recent tour, I was struck not just by the odd story and the unique architecture, but by the tenacity and cleverness of these amazing women. Not only were they willing to embrace a radical life change brought about by a man who’d abandoned them, but they took a severe nuisance – the uninvited crowds – and turned it into a positive. In doing so, they not only created an unexpected income stream but discovered an unexpected passion – sharing their fascinating home and story with others.

I drove away challenged by their resourcefulness. How can I take annoyances in my own life and flip them on their head? Turn them into a positive? What might I discover about myself if I do? The loud music from the outdoor bar down the street can be an opportunity to dance in our living room. The grit-my-teeth chore of cleaning our condo can be made almost enjoyable when doing it while listening to a favorite audio book. Stuck-in-traffic moments can be a chance for my wife and I to plan our next travel adventure.

How about you? What annoyances do you have in your life? Can you think of ways to flip them to a positive? Get creative. Think outside the box. Choose a different mindset. If you do, you might be surprised at what you discover, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑