I just turned in my second novel to my editor.
It’s part of a series of dreams come true—I finished another book. I have an awesome editor. I have a book deal at a major publishing house. My agent recently gave me some great encouragement on how I’m doing at this early stage of my writing career. It all made me feel like a confident dreamer.
Yet there were times during the process of writing this book that I felt terrible. Lost on how to proceed. Feeling like a fraud. Imagining my editor would realize she made a terrible mistake and cancel my contract. Moments when I placed my head in my hands and metaphorically howled at the moon. They were all clear signs of an insecure screamer.
I recently attended a webinar on marketing by an author I admire. Then I saw that another popular and accomplished author I respect was in attendance. The negative thoughts rushed in—I could never be like them, never do what they’ve done. Yet as the session unfolded, I realized I’d already worked on much of what was being shared. It felt reassuring and gave me the sense that I can make it in this new career. I experienced insecurity and confidence in the same hour.
So am I a confident dreamer or an insecure screamer? Clearly, the answer is both. There are times when I’m cruising along belting “Don’t Stop Believing” and other times when my confidence is a pile of wreckage on the side of the road.
I don’t think I’m alone in this dichotomy. The reality is that if we’re pursuing a big enough dream, there will be times we feel insecure. If not, we’re probably playing it too safe, not daring wildly or reaching far enough. On the flip side, if we’re often mired in crippling insecurity, that’s a sign we need to work on our belief in our calling, abilities and self-worth.
So how do you find that balance between being a confident dreamer and an insecure screamer? The first step is to realize that, as author and speaker Andy Stanley puts it, this is not a problem to be solved but a tension to be managed.
How do you manage that tension? Regularly reach for your dreams in ways that scare you a bit. Make that call. Have that conversation. Submit that proposal. Go to that seminar. Enter that contest. Take that class. Raise your hand. Say yes.
Balance those insecurity-inducing steps with things that bolster your confidence. Routinely rest and play to restore your perspective. Believe in someone or something bigger than yourself. Spend time with encouraging, life-giving people. Step away from negative, draining relationships. Consume inspiring, motivating content through books, music, podcasts, movies and shows. Embrace your own uniqueness and worth.
Learn to be comfortable living with the tension between being a confident dreamer and an insecure screamer. If you do, you’ll move closer to your most audacious goals, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
