Developing a Better You

Category: Mind (Page 27 of 50)

What an Upside Down Pyramid Taught Me About Perspective

I live across from an upside down pyramid.

On a recent nighttime stroll, I stood with my back to the building and looked up at wall sloping out over my head.

To my surprise, I slowly started leaning forward from my ankles to the point where I had to catch my balance. It was completely subconscious. Experimentally, I righted myself and looked up again. The same experience occurred, as if an invisible hand was pulling me forward while my feet remained planted. I realized the unusual slope of the wall above me was tricking my perspective, forcing my brain to compensate by leaning my body to match the angle.

It got me thinking about the power of perspective. A false perspective can fool our minds, manipulating us in ways far more subtle than I experienced with the pyramid. It can lead us to adopt beliefs that aren’t true because they’re based on poor data. This highlights the importance of being committed to facts and truth. Inaccurate perspectives – about ourselves, others, and the world – can have a dramatically negative impact on our quality of life and on the lives of those around us. They can make us angry, jealous, arrogant, entitled, depressed, the list goes on.

So how do we find and maintain an accurate perspective? Here are some suggestions:

  1. Be aware of your tendency to have a false perspective. It’s not just you. It happens to all of us.
  1. Seek out and consider a variety of perspectives from reputable sources. Read, watch, and listen to people who see the world differently than you.
  1. Accept truth even if it means changing your perspective. Burying your head in the sand when you discover facts you don’t like just makes your head dirty.
  1. Practice a daily refocusing habit – meditation, podcasts, prayer, reading, etc. Something that realigns your perspective and gets you back on course from your inevitable drift. I have a morning routine of meditation, prayer, and spiritual reading that I find hugely helpful.

Where to Begin

If you’re wondering where to begin, start by examining your current worldview, the foundational way you perceive life, others, and yourself. What lens do you look through to see the world? What ground do you stand on? We all ground ourselves somewhere and believe in something, whether we acknowledge it or not. It could be in yourself, another person, your career, financial stability, pursing pleasure, helping others, etc. Personally, I find my deepest grounding in my relationship with God. Not in the trappings of any one religion per se, but in God Herself. What grounds us is foundational to our sense of identity and informs our biases, both of which significantly impact our perspective (for more info, see my posts on Identity and Biases)

Examining your perspective choices can bring further clarity. Do you see the glass as half-full or half-empty? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Do you see yourself as a victim or as being responsible for your own experience? I’m not lobbying for only the “right” answer here – optimism needs to be balanced with realism and personal responsibility balanced with acknowledging your trauma. The trick is not to get trapped on the dark side of the equation and let it control your perspective.

So how about you? How do you perceive yourself? Others? The world? Where might “slanted walls” be throwing off your perspective? Keep your radar up. Consider different points of view. Be willing to change your perspective. Adopt a regular refocusing habit. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

13 Implicit Biases That Torpedo Your Personal Growth

I hate realizing I’m wrong.

It’s embarrassing. It’s humbling. It makes me feel like I’ve failed somehow. And it’s completely necessary if I want to grow.

I was reminded of that fact recently when I read a post highlighting author and speaker Brian McLaren’s work on implicit biases (you can read the full post here). Implicit biases are subconscious beliefs we hold about life, ourselves, and other people that impact our worldview.

The insidious nature of implicit biases are that they wield tremendous power over our lives, yet we don’t even know they exist. It’s like looking through tinted sunglasses that distort the color of everything we see, but we don’t know we’re wearing them. We’re convinced we’re seeing things as they really are.

As I read this post, it did more than convict me of my own implicit biases (Comfort Bias – ouch). It helped me understand how reasonable, intelligent people can be so divided on so many issues—political, cultural, social, religious, you name it. We’re looking at the same facts but seeing very different things, in large part because of our implicit biases.

Check out the list of common biases that Brian McLaren outlines below. Can you look at yourself honestly enough to see yours? He writes:

“People can’t see what they can’t see. Their biases get in the way, surrounding them like a high wall, trapping them in ignorance, deception, and illusion. No amount of reasoning and argument will get through to them, unless we first learn how to break down the walls of bias. . . .

Confirmation Bias: We judge new ideas based on the ease with which they fit in with and confirm the only standard we have: old ideas, old information, and trusted authorities. As a result, our framing story, belief system, or paradigm excludes whatever doesn’t fit.

Complexity Bias: Our brains prefer a simple falsehood to a complex truth.

Community Bias: It’s almost impossible to see what our community doesn’t, can’t, or won’t see.

Complementarity Bias: If you are hostile to my ideas, I’ll be hostile to yours. If you are curious and respectful toward my ideas, I’ll respond in kind.

Competency Bias: We don’t know how much (or little) we know because we don’t know how much (or little) others know. In other words, incompetent people assume that most other people are about as incompetent as they are. As a result, they underestimate their [own] incompetence, and consider themselves at least of average competence.

Consciousness Bias: Some things simply can’t be seen from where I am right now. But if I keep growing, maturing, and developing, someday I will be able to see what is now inaccessible to me.

Comfort or Complacency Bias: I prefer not to have my comfort disturbed.

Conservative/Liberal Bias: I lean toward nurturing fairness and kindness, or towards strictly enforcing purity, loyalty, liberty, and authority, as an expression of my political identity.

Confidence Bias: I am attracted to confidence, even if it is false. I often prefer the bold lie to the hesitant truth.

Catastrophe or Normalcy Bias: I remember dramatic catastrophes but don’t notice gradual decline (or improvement).

Contact Bias: When I don’t have intense and sustained personal contact with “the other,” my prejudices and false assumptions go unchallenged.

Cash Bias: It’s hard for me to see something when my way of making a living requires me not to see it.

Conspiracy Bias: Under stress or shame, our brains are attracted to stories that relieve us, exonerate us, or portray us as innocent victims of malicious conspirators.”*

So how about you? What biases have tripped you up in the past? Which might be affecting you now? Take an honest look in the mirror. Acknowledge what you see. Forgive yourself. Read / listen to (podcasts or news outlets) / talk with people who have a different perspective. Commit to having your beliefs, words, and actions match your renewed awareness. If you do, you’ll help heal our social divide, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

* From Brian McLaren, Why Don’t They Get It? Overcoming Bias in Others (and Yourself) (Self-published: 2019), e-book, as shared by Richard Rohr in his daily meditation March 1, 2021 for the Center for Action and Contemplation at cac.org.

Need More Joy and Motivation? Celebrate Your Milestones

It brought tears to my eyes.

I recently watched my wife Lisa McMann, a New York Times bestselling author of twenty-six books, appear at a virtual launch party to celebrate the publication of the fourteenth and final book in her fantasy series The Unwanteds. The event was a wonderful way for Lisa to say goodbye to the characters and world she created and had lived in for so long. It was fitting that the focus was not only on the work that she’d done, but on the positive impact her efforts have had on so many.

Both verbally and in the chat, fans shared what the series has meant to them over the last decade. Some spoke of being reluctant readers until falling in love with the books. Others shared how they deeply identified with the characters, whose success in fighting through their fictional problems gave the readers the courage to overcome real-life struggles. Some who were only kids when they started reading the series are now in college or married. Yet still they return, excited to read the final chapters of this beloved world that’s meant so much to them and brought them so much joy.

This experience reminded me of the importance of celebrating milestones. For those of us focused on personal development, it’s easy to always be striving toward the next goal, the next change, the next growth edge. But just as important is taking time to acknowledge and celebrate what we accomplish along the way. It gives us a helpful reminder of why we work so hard to become the best version of ourselves, and provides fresh motivation to climb the next hill.

What does that kind of celebration look like? It could be as grand as a trip to Paris or as simple as a few minutes of quiet reflection over a glass of wine. Different milestones call for different celebrations, based on how significant the accomplishment is to you and what you enjoy, regardless of what others may think is fitting.

For our 25th wedding anniversary, Lisa and I spent two weeks in Europe. It was a grand celebration for a grand milestone. When I completed my first novel, Lisa made us reservations at my favorite restaurant. When they asked if we were celebrating a special occasion, she told them I’d completed my book. When we arrived, I found printed across the top of the daily menu, “Congratulations Matt on your book!” I framed it in simple celebration of a personal milestone.

Have you reached any personal development milestones lately? Maybe you completed a thirty-day yoga class or jogged two miles or cut out soda. Maybe you finished a self-help book or completed a series of therapy sessions or repaired a broken relationship. Maybe you finished an online course or launched a new career or started a regular prayer time. Whatever the milestone, big or small, take time to celebrate your accomplishment. If you do, you’ll experience joy and find motivation for your journey, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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