Developing a Better You

Category: Mind (Page 39 of 50)

What an Encounter with Goats Taught Me About Personal Development

It wasn’t what I expected to see in a major city like Sacramento. A few weeks ago, I was riding a Jump bike to meet my son for lunch. I crossed the Tower Bridge, then pedaled down the bike path along the Sacramento River, enjoying the view of downtown directly across the water.

Goats along the Sacramento River

And then I saw the goats. Lots of goats. About two hundred goats. I stopped my bike and just stared at them in confusion. Why was there a large herd of goats literally on the edge of bustling modern city? As I watched, they wandering the sloping riverbank, contentedly munching on clumps of tall weeds. A few dogs ran about, keeping the goats in line. A man lounged nearby in a portable chair under a shade tree, his hat pulled low over his eyes. It looked like a scene from the agricultural heartlands in the 1950s, not downtown Sacramento in 2019. I was utterly confused.

Then an article I read awhile ago came back to me. It was about cities using goats for landscaping in hard to reach areas. Suddenly, it all made sense. The city had hired this man to have his goats eat the weeds growing along the steep, rocky riverbank. It was a simple, old school, environmentally friendly way to trim an area not easily reached by modern landscaping equipment.

As I rode away, I realized how often I overlook simple solutions as I try to deal with the “weeds” in my life. The weeds of fear, anxiety, relational problems, exhaustion, stress, identity issues, career uncertainties – they all crop up at one point or another and need to be dealt with. I so easily gravitate toward the latest book, program, or fad that claims to address my problems. But sometimes, all that’s needed is a return to the simple habits I’ve learned but gotten away from. Getting enough sleep. Eating well. Moderate exercise. Maintaining work / life balance. Spending time with friends. Practicing gratitude. Being productive. Having a regular time of meditation / prayer / spiritual reflection. Helping others. Resting. Enjoying a hobby.

I’m not saying that all of the problems we face in our lives can be fixed with these kinds of simple practices. There are some issues that require deeper, more complex techniques to address effectively. But I think we often make the solutions to the “weed problems” in our lives out to be more complicated than necessary. We overthink them when sometimes all that’s needed is a back-to-basics approach. A focus on the fundamentals.

So as you look at pulling the weeds in your life, take a step back. Make sure the simple things are in place first. Go through a mental checklist of basic physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual practices that most of us learned when we were kids. As author Robert Fulghum reminded us, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” You may find that using these old-school goats will take care of a lot of your weeds, and you’ll be on your way to Becoming Yourself.

Want a Better Life? Take a Moment to “Clean the Glass”

The sliding glass door was filthy. Our apartment’s balcony has a great park view, but Sacramento’s rainy season had given the door a film of splotchy dust. I stared at it for weeks thinking, “I really should clean that.” Every time, I shrugged my mental shoulders and thought, “It’s good enough.”

About a week ago, I had a little time between commitments, and the slider door once again caught my eye. I decided I’d put it off long enough and finally took fifteen minutes to clean the glass. The difference was amazing. The view became so vibrant and clear that I couldn’t stop looking at it. And of course, the thought that went through my head was, “That was so worth it. Why did I put this off for so long?”

The view from our apartment balcony

How often have I done the same thing with my personal growth? I know there are things that need a little work – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual windows that have gotten dirty through the rainy seasons of life. Areas that need attention. But when I look at them all, I get overwhelmed. I feel paralyzed, so I put off doing anything. I rationalize and say, “Good enough.” My friendships are “good enough.” My physical health is “good enough.” My level of fear and anxiety is “good enough.” My relationship with God is “good enough.” But a “good enough” perspective won’t get me the life I really want.

I’m not talking about perfectionism or chasing an unrealistic ideal. I’ve fallen into that trap before, and it just leads to feeling like a failure most of the time. And I don’t mean a measurement of personal worth either, as in whether or not I am “good enough.” I believe my worth and personal identity comes from who I am, or more specifically, whose I am – God’s child. Regardless of what you base those things on, that’s a different category than what I’m talking about here.

As I did with cleaning the slider door, I’ve procrastinated taking personal growth steps so many times. Like finding a new place to volunteer helping people who are struggling with homelessness. I had an organization in Phoenix I regularly worked with, but I’ve put off starting up again since I moved to Sacramento. I’d gotten out of the habit. I told myself I was too busy. Too tired. In reality, I was scared to try someplace new. Eventually, I told myself to volunteer just once with a local group I’d read about. I finally did, and I loved it.

I needed to break down my bigger goal of helping to address the homeless crisis in Sacramento into smaller steps and then tell myself I only needed to take the first one. Now the feeling of accomplishment motivates me to keep going. As usual, the hardest part was just getting started. Like when I took in the view through clean glass, I wondered why I had put off volunteering for so long.

So what sliding glass door do you need to clean in your life today? It it a mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual one? What small step can you take in just one area? Maybe it’s going for a walk to kickstart your physical goals. Or meditating for 3 minutes with the Calm phone app to work on your anxiety. It might be checking out the website of that church you’ve been meaning to try. Sending that text to a struggling friend you’ve been thinking about. Tidying up that one room. Start small. Do that one thing, then enjoy the beautiful view through the glass. If you do, you’ll take another important step toward Becoming Yourself.

RISK = The Price of the Life You Really Want

We’re a family of artists. My wife Lisa is an author, our son Kilian is an illustrator/graphic designer, our daughter Kennedy is an actor, and I’m a musician. These are typically not stable career paths. One thing I’ve learned in watching each of us follow our dreams is that you have to take risks in order to have the life you really want.

Today, Lisa is a New York Times bestselling author of twenty-two books and counting, but there was a time when she quit her job to try to make it as a writer and made no money for two years. When she did sell her first book for a relatively small amount, we rolled the dice again and invested that money back into promoting her career versus improving our standard of living.

Kilian has made a name for himself as a highly talented designer for the craft beer industry. I recently attended his highly popular class called Design With Beer In Mind, a part of Design Week Sacramento, that he envisioned, organized, and taught in. Kilian is loving the freedom and creativity his position affords him, but it came with a big risk. A year ago, he quit his secure job to go freelance and lived off his savings while he hustled to get his desired career off the ground.

Kennedy recently landed her dream job starring as Nancy Drew on a television series coming to the CW network this fall. But for a very uncertain shot at playing that highly coveted role, she took the risk of turning down a supporting part on another show that was guaranteed to air, even knowing that Nancy Drew might never get picked up for a series.

Having the life you really want requires risk. Your dreams won’t be handed to you. Planning, preparation, and hard work are all important, but at some point, you’ll be standing on the edge of a cliff. The life you desire will be just on the other side of a big gap. To reach it, you have to make the leap. You might make it. You might fall short. The only way to know is to jump.

That’s a risk I’ve recently taken. I left a comfortable, secure job as a musician to try to make it as a writer. My first manuscript secured me a top agent which I’m thrilled about, but so far, I have a growing list of rejections from publishers. Will I ever make it as an author? Will the risk pay off? I’m not sure yet. But either way, I’m glad I took the leap. Whatever happens, I’ll never have to live with, “What if?”

So how about you? What does your dream life look like? What risks would you have to take to make it a reality? Are you willing to take them? Visualize the life you want. Plan and prepare for it. Do the work. And when the time comes, take a deep breath, screw up your courage, and jump. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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