The simple fact is I was afraid. Afraid of – don’t laugh – the chiropractor. Let me explain.
A few years ago, I started having sharp pain in my back whenever I took a deep breath. I tried a massage, but the therapist thought I had a rib issue and needed a chiropractor. I’d never been before, but it seemed a smart move so I went.
She was right. I had two ribs out of place which the chiropractor promptly popped back in. It totally fixed my problem. But the adjustment hurt. A lot. I was assured by my wife and daughter, both of whom love going to the chiropractor, that my experience was an anomaly. When I decided to go back for a smaller issue a year later, it hurt like crazy again. That was enough for me. I swore off chiropractors unless it was absolutely necessary.
Fast forward to five months ago when I did something dumb. My wife and I were embracing minimalism, and in prep for our move from our house near Phoenix to an apartment in Sacramento, I spent hours sitting on the floor sorting through mountains of old paperwork. Since that time, I’ve been dealing with intermittent stabbing pain in my low back. It’s my body’s not so subtle way of reminding me that I’m 49, not 29.
I tried everything I could to avoid what I dreaded – going back to the chiropractor. Rest, pills, stretching, targeted exercises, you name it. Nothing worked for long. With my wife’s encouragement, I knew it was time to face my fear.
So a few weeks ago, I went to a chiropractor. Told him my issue. Shared my fears. The doctor was great, patiently explaining what he felt the problem was and outlining a care plan. Much to my disappointment, it meant a lot of adjustments – seven visits spread over a month. But with the pain of the last five months fresh in my mind, I took the plunge, deciding that if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. I embraced my fear and signed up for the full treatment plan.
I’ve gone five times so far. There’s been some necessary pain in the treatments but nothing like what I experienced in the past. And the results have been great. My back is significantly better. And while it’s still not the favorite part of my week, I no longer dread going to my appointments and have even started looking forward to them.
As I thought about this experience, I realized that it’s a perfect example of a key practice of personal development – facing our fears. Sometimes, as much as we wish it were different, the only way to get where we want to go or become who we want to be is to embrace what frightens us. And often, as I found, when we finally face what we’re afraid of, it’s far less daunting than we’d imagined, leaving us asking ourselves “Why didn’t I do this a long time ago?”
“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”
George Addair
So how about you? What fears do you need to face? What task have you been avoiding? Is it having a hard conversation? Taking a risk at work? Ending a toxic relationship? Going to therapy? Whatever it is, take the plunge. What do you have to gain by waiting? You’re only robbing yourself of the peace, relief, and growth you could be enjoying right now. Tell someone you trust about your fear. Ask them for advice, help, and accountability. If needed, break the task into smaller chunks, then take the first step. Today. If you do, you’ll feel a lot better and make a big leap toward Becoming Yourself.
I was listening to Brynn Elliott sing Might Not Like Me on the radio when I realized something – this catchy pop song highlights a combination of two apparently conflicting characteristics needed for personal growth. At first glance, they may appear to create an oxymoron – a phrase that seems inherently contradictory, like jumbo shrimp, deeply superficial, or definitely maybe. But a closer look shows that definition really doesn’t apply. So what false oxymoron does this song reveal that I believe is key to Becoming Yourself? Humble confidence. Take a look at the first verse and chorus:
Brynn is both humble enough to admit her mistakes AND confident enough to own her strengths. In the verse, she’s humbly apologetic for anything she did to contribute to the breakdown of the relationship. When she does confidently acknowledge a superior ability, like running, she humbly points out that it’s not important. In the chorus, she goes pretty much all confidence, which I think is great. It sounds like the guy deserves it for being petty and insecure.
Listening to this song got me thinking about how a combination of humility AND confidence is needed for personal growth. Without humility, we become arrogant and unaware of our weak spots. Without confidence, we lack the necessary belief in our own value and ability to achieve our self-improvement goals. But with the right balance, we can have both the humility we need to acknowledge and work on our growth edges while also having the confidence to enjoy and build on our strengths.
