Developing a Better You

Category: Mind (Page 56 of 56)

Are You Awake?

Remember The Matrix movie? In this popular philosophy-ridden action film, the human race was unconsciously enslaved by machines. Everyone thought they were awake when they were really in a computer induced stupor. They were all asleep.

That movie helped spark an interest in philosophy for me. The fact that my dad has a PhD in the subject left it’s mark as well. Since then I’ve read and listened to a variety of deep thinkers in an attempt to learn more about myself and the world.

Recently that quest has led me to a daily email musing by a Franciscan priest named Richard Rohr. He’s definitely outside the mainstream of religious circles and has challenged my thinking in some great ways. His recent posts have been about a 19th century French mystic named Therese of Lisieux. She was only 24 when she died but left behind writings that showed her amazing insights into the nature of reality. She learned at a young age to be “awake”. To snap out of the Matrix.

What does it mean to be “awake”? In simple terms, I think it means to be aware. To consciously consider the options that each situation in daily life offers us and make intentional choices. An “awake” inner dialog could go something like this:

“In this situation, I could choose action A or action B. Action A would be best for my own comfort and happiness. Action B would be best for other people’s comfort and happiness. I choose action A (or B).” I could drive by someone struggling with a flat tire or stop to help. I could keep my place in line or offer it to the parent behind me struggling with a young child. I could spend unexpected extra money on myself or on someone in need.

My point is NOT that we should always choose what we think will benefit others at the expense of our own well being. I’ve been down that road and it led to emotional burnout and a therapist’s office. Sometimes the best thing we can do for the world is to choose things that add to our own personal comfort and happiness. Like most things, there’s a balance to be sought there.

My point IS that we should be having that inner dialog. That we should snap out of the unconscious fog that we so easily drift into where we simply do what we feel is best for us unless some outside force pressures us to do otherwise. That we should recognize our options. That we should be intentional about our choices. That we should train ourselves to be “awake”.

So remember The Matrix. Consider your possibilities as you go through the day and make conscious choices. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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Below are a few quotes that inspired this post. While they make reference to spiritual things, I think the insight into our human condition they provide can be helpful to us all regardless of our belief system. To sign up for Richard Rohr’s daily email visit cac.org.

“The death instinct always comes from people who are unconscious, unaware, and indeed do not know what they are doing. Now we can hear Jesus on the cross and know why he said, “Forgive them, Father, they don’t know what they’re doing” (Luke 23:34). When we love, we do know what we are doing! Love, if it is actually love, is always a highly conscious act. We do evil when we slip into unconsciousness.”
Richard Rohr on Thérèse of Lisieux, Part II – Wednesday, October 4, 2017

“Thérèse came to know the depth of her self-centeredness, the extent of her God-inspired desires, and the role and significance of her thoughts, acts, and feelings in the spiritual life. Thérèse had a great self-confidence in her ability to be honest with herself and an enormous intuitive capacity about the ways of human and divine love. Under the microscope of prayer, in her self-awareness, she came to learn universal truths about love: how love originates, how it is nourished or blocked, and how it grows. Her life became a microcosm of love, her teaching, a school of love.”
Joseph F. Schmidt, Walking the Little Way of Therese of Lisieux: Discovering the Path of Love (The Word Among Us Press: 2012), 33-34

“I understand so very well that it is only through love that we can render ourselves pleasing to the good Lord, that love is the one thing I long for. The science of love is the only science I desire.”
Thérèse of Lisieux, Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux, translated by John Clarke (ICS Publications: 1996), 187-188

The TV Commercial That Changed My Life – Part 1

Something about the ad caught my attention. Normally I fast-forward or mute TV commercials but not this one. It was for an app called LetGo. Its purpose isn’t unique – to help me sell my stuff – but its focus set it apart.

The benefit of using LetGo highlighted by the ad was not making money or having more space in my house. It was about how good it feels to let go of something I’ve been holding onto for too long. That hit home.

I’m a sentimental pack rat. I attach a lot of emotional value to objects. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s good to have some items that bring me back to a treasured memory of another person or a meaningful experience. Where I run into trouble is when I assign that perceived emotional benefit too liberally. I spread it too wide, diluting the positive effects, and risk becoming a hoarder-in-waiting.

Motivated by that clever marketing campaign, I started cleaning. First a downstairs closet. Then a game cupboard. Then our master closet. Finally the garage. Item after item, box after box, I sorted, using a tip I read in an article about home organizational guru Marie Kondo’s NYT Bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Upif it brings you joy, keep it. If it doesn’t, let it go.

After a garage sale, an overloaded trip to Goodwill and lots of trash bags, I really do feel better! I find myself opening the closets and wandering into the garage for no other reason than to look at the organized, uncluttered spaces. It gives me a happy, satisfied sensation. I feel lighter, less tied down, and more in control. Like I own my stuff rather than my stuff owning me.

But the real breakthrough came when I realized that this lesson on the benefits of letting go doesn’t just apply to my stuff. It applies to my whole life. And that story, I’ll tell in my next post.

For now, take a look around your living space. Open closets. Look under the bed. Peruse your shelves. For each item that you don’t regularly use, ask yourself a simple question – does this bring me joy? If not, let it go. If you do, you’ll take another happy step toward Becoming Yourself.

Extraneous Questions and the Meaning of Life

My classmate was trying to be clever. He thought he could stump my dad, one of the smartest people you’ll ever meet. It didn’t work. That said, I’m grateful he tried because what my father said in response shapes my life to this day.

We were in my high school calculus class and my father was the teacher. Yep, I had my dad for calculus. Physics and Algebra II as well. It made things a bit challenging socially at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. He was and is the best teacher I’ve ever known.

My dad teaching chess to my son Kilian

One of the things you need to know about my dad is that he isn’t a great teacher just because he’s smart (after his Masters degree in math he went on to get a PhD in philosophy just for fun). He’s a great teacher because his main concern is helping his students learn how to think. The subject matter is immaterial. Math, science, wood shop, basket weaving, it doesn’t matter. To him all subjects are just spare parts to be used to build a well developed Thinking Machine, a structured brain equipped to help his students process whatever complex issues life throws their way. Would that there were more like him.

One evidence of this approach that I observed during my high school years was Extraneous Questions Day. Every other Monday, instead of unpacking the next daunting calculus equation, he would attempt to answer questions from the class. About anything. Whatever was on our adolescent minds. Topics ranged from sex and dating to college and career paths to basketball and auto mechanics. We loved it. And not just because it was a reprieve from a math induced coma. He treated us like adults and valued our contributions to the discussions.  We felt respected which made us respect him in return.

My father and me at the Grand Canyon

It was on one such Extraneous Questions Day that I witnessed my classmate’s unsuccessful attempt to best my father. The class had grown silent for a moment as we digested whatever nugget of wisdom my dad had just offered us. That’s when my friend lifted his head and threw out the next question – “What is the meaning of life?”

He laughed as he said it, not really taking it seriously. We could all tell by his delivery that he didn’t really expect an answer. But my dad didn’t laugh. He looked thoughtful for a few seconds. Then he asked us to think back to the absolute best day of our lives, the one that stood out above all the rest. What made it great? A moment later he encouraged us to remember the most terrible day of our lives. Why was it so painful?

After giving us a minute of quiet pondering, he said something like this: “I’m guessing that for most of us, both our best days and our worst days had a lot to do with other people, people who are significant to us. Maybe that gives us a clue to the question ‘What is the meaning of life?’. I believe the answer is relationships. For me, the meaning of life can be found in our relationships with ourselves, with others, and with God.”

We were silent. It was a drop the mic moment. As young as we were, my friends and I all somehow knew that we were just handed something weighty, something important, even if we weren’t able to fully grasp why.

Over the last 30 years I’ve often thought about that day. I’ve come to see the truth in those profoundly simple words. While I’m still unpacking their depths, I’m pretty sure my dad was right. I’ve come to believe, like my father before me, that the meaning of life is found in relationships. Our relationships with ourselves, with others, and, for me as a person of faith, with God.

This age old question is bigger than any one post, than any one story. We’re just scratching the surface here. If you decide to keep reading these musings, we’ll dig deeper together in the days ahead. I hope you’ll find it helpful on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

The greatest teacher I know – my dad, Keith McMann

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