Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Category: Mind (Page 6 of 51)

The Deep Lesson of Walking Away

February 24, 2024 / / 8 Comments

The deepest lessons take time to learn.

I love my life. My wife is an amazing partner. My kids are grown and thriving. I have a small group of good friends. I have my dream job of being an author. I still encounter stress, frustration, and hard times, but overall, life is good.

As I reflected recently on how I arrived at this wonderful season, I realized a critical factor—what I walked away from was as important as what I walked toward.

My wife and I got married when I was still in college. Knowing what I’d found in her, I chose to walk away from the freedom of single life to walk toward a committed relationship.

We made a conscious decision to have children early. While our friends were having fun, we were changing diapers. We walked away from the more carefree childless life to walk toward long, meaningful years of investing deeply in our kids. 

Given the flexibility of our author careers, my wife and I can live anywhere. We enjoy travel and have seen a lot of wonderful places. When we chose where to plant roots a few years ago, we decided to move not to the most beautiful place we could go, but to the place where we had deep friendships. We walked away from novelty to walk toward relationships.

After decades of hard work, I had a comfortable music career. It was easy and fun, with low responsibility. But it didn’t challenge or excite me anymore, and it tied me to a strict rehearsal and performance schedule. I walked away from comfortable familiarity to walk toward a new, high-risk author career.

Saying no to good things made room for better things. What I walked away from was as important as what I walked toward.

I’m learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.

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What do you need to walk away from? Maybe it’s a relationship that has become more baggage than ballast. Maybe it’s a career that’s grown stagnant. Maybe it’s a superficial sense of freedom. Picture the life you’d truly love to live. Look honestly at each area of your life now. Decide what you need to walk away from in order to walk toward something better. If you do, you’ll find deeper meaning and joy, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

The post was originally published Aug 20, 2022.

The Invitation You Should Probably Decline

February 17, 2024 / / 0 Comments

An invitation is a mixed bag. 

On one hand, it feels good to be thought of. Noticed. Wanted. Included. On the other hand, accepting is a commitment of time, energy, and sometimes money. And there’s often a sense of obligation that comes with an invitation—I don’t want to accept, but I feel like I should.

Invitations come in many varieties—parties, ball games, dates, charitable events, groups, etc. Welcome or not, those kinds of invitations are usually clear and understandable.

What is often murkier is when you’re invited to an argument. That’s when someone is passionate about an issue, often upset, and wants you to be a part of it. At times, accepting that invitation is a good, necessary, and noble thing to do. Sometimes we should engage to stand up for someone being oppressed, for a principle we believe in, for a cause worth fighting for.

But that’s often not the case. Many times, someone has a self-serving agenda, an ax to grind, or misplaced anger, and they want to suck you into their misery. These invitations should almost always be declined. The odds of you emerging victorious, or even making a positive impact, are low. More than likely, you’ll end up wasting your time and emotional energy, then walking away feeling beat up and frustrated.

So when someone invites you to an argument, pause. Recognize it for what it is. Decide if it’s a cause worth fighting for. Does it resonate with who you are and align with what you believe is yours to do? If so, accept. If not, politely decline and walk away. If you do, you’ll enjoy a more peaceful life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Oct 15, 2022.

Want a Smoother Life Journey? Name the Wind

February 10, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I recently watched a feather dance on the breeze.

It was the movement that caught my eye. A glint of white controlled by invisible strings, dipping right, then left, soaring one moment and diving the next. It was all the more noticeable because the day seemed perfectly calm. There was not a hint of wind that I could detect. Yet the flight of this feather proved otherwise.

It made me think about my own life. How often am I affected by unseen forces, the movements of my life influenced by things I can’t see? That I’m oblivious to? Forgotten hurts from my past. Deeply buried trauma. Unresolved conflicts. Unfulfilled dreams. Unrealized expectations. They all push and pull me, buffeting my perspective, my attitude, my emotions, my mood. How quick am I to notice the way they shape my day-to-day life experience?

These forces are inevitable. The path of life doesn’t always run smoothly. There are unseen realities we all must endure. I believe the goal is to pause long enough to recognize them. Stare them in the face. Drag them into the sunlight. Admit their influence. Ask the hard question that author, speaker, and pastor Andy Stanley often poses: “Is this a problem to be solved or a tension to be managed?” Solve the problems you can through counseling, therapy, meditation, prayer, study, or sharing with a trusted friend. Learn to manage the tensions that must be maintained, the forces that will affect your path for the rest of your life. Choose to embrace opposing influences and appreciate their competing strengths and weaknesses.

If you do, you’ll find a smoother, more enjoyable journey, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published September 11, 2021.

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