Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Category: Personal Development (Page 20 of 56)

3 Metaphors for Healthy Spirituality (Part 1): An Introduction

February 13, 2021 / / 2 Comments

This one’s tricky.

My spirituality is incredibly important to me. I’ve worked steadily at developing it for forty-one years (I mark my start at age ten). It provides a solid foundation for every aspect of my life, and brings me peace, meaning, joy, love, adventure, comfort, guidance, hope, and my deepest sense of identity.

But…

I have readers from across the spiritual spectrum, from those who identify as very spiritual to those who’d say they aren’t spiritual at all. Of those who are spiritual, there is a wide variety of religions and spiritual paths represented. And I respect that. A lot.

So while I love sharing what I’ve learned on my own spiritual journey in hopes that some may find it helpful, I want to tread very lightly. This is simply my experience. Even now, what I believe continues to evolve as I encounter more of life and pursue the Great Spiritual Mystery. (And it is a mystery. If you’re too sure of your answers, that could be a sign that your Spiritual Truth Box is too small.)

My spiritual worldview has been developed over decades. It’s very freeing and helpful to me. But that doesn’t mean it’s right for you. My hope is simply that what I share shines a little light on your own path, whatever that may be. Take what’s useful, and toss the rest.

In this series of posts, I’m going to share three metaphors I learned from author and teacher Richard Rohr that have been extremely helpful to me in recent years – The Cosmic Egg, The Three Boxes, and The Tricycle. They provide simple but powerful frameworks for spiritual and personal growth. Ways to understand and navigate some of life’s most confusing seasons. Methods for getting unstuck on the journey to our best selves.

One of the many things I love about these metaphors is that they work for almost everyone, regardless of where you’re at on the spiritual spectrum. They align with nearly every religion or spiritual perspective, and even with most perspectives that don’t include spirituality at all.

Next week, I’ll tell the story of my own recent spiritual struggles. In the following weeks, I’ll share the three metaphors that helped guide me through that difficult season. I hope you’ll join me on this journey. If you do, I think you’ll discover some very helpful tools along the way, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Need More Joy and Motivation? Celebrate Your Milestones

January 30, 2021 / / 0 Comments

It brought tears to my eyes.

I recently watched my wife Lisa McMann, a New York Times bestselling author of twenty-six books, appear at a virtual launch party to celebrate the publication of the fourteenth and final book in her fantasy series The Unwanteds. The event was a wonderful way for Lisa to say goodbye to the characters and world she created and had lived in for so long. It was fitting that the focus was not only on the work that she’d done, but on the positive impact her efforts have had on so many.

Both verbally and in the chat, fans shared what the series has meant to them over the last decade. Some spoke of being reluctant readers until falling in love with the books. Others shared how they deeply identified with the characters, whose success in fighting through their fictional problems gave the readers the courage to overcome real-life struggles. Some who were only kids when they started reading the series are now in college or married. Yet still they return, excited to read the final chapters of this beloved world that’s meant so much to them and brought them so much joy.

This experience reminded me of the importance of celebrating milestones. For those of us focused on personal development, it’s easy to always be striving toward the next goal, the next change, the next growth edge. But just as important is taking time to acknowledge and celebrate what we accomplish along the way. It gives us a helpful reminder of why we work so hard to become the best version of ourselves, and provides fresh motivation to climb the next hill.

What does that kind of celebration look like? It could be as grand as a trip to Paris or as simple as a few minutes of quiet reflection over a glass of wine. Different milestones call for different celebrations, based on how significant the accomplishment is to you and what you enjoy, regardless of what others may think is fitting.

For our 25th wedding anniversary, Lisa and I spent two weeks in Europe. It was a grand celebration for a grand milestone. When I completed my first novel, Lisa made us reservations at my favorite restaurant. When they asked if we were celebrating a special occasion, she told them I’d completed my book. When we arrived, I found printed across the top of the daily menu, “Congratulations Matt on your book!” I framed it in simple celebration of a personal milestone.

Have you reached any personal development milestones lately? Maybe you completed a thirty-day yoga class or jogged two miles or cut out soda. Maybe you finished a self-help book or completed a series of therapy sessions or repaired a broken relationship. Maybe you finished an online course or launched a new career or started a regular prayer time. Whatever the milestone, big or small, take time to celebrate your accomplishment. If you do, you’ll experience joy and find motivation for your journey, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Personal Growth Exercise You’ll LOVE Doing: Fill Your Life With Beauty

January 23, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I was crying over the TV show Britain’s Got Talent. For those who know me that will come as no great surprise. I’m a sentimental sap. But from a pure talent perspective, the performance that turned on the water works was pretty poor. So why was I crying? Why was the audience going wild? Why did one of the normally stoic British judges break down and weep? Take a look for yourself…

Did that strike you the way it has so many others? I think the secret of this performance’s impact lies in this quote:

There are only two things that pierce the human heart. One is beauty. The other is affliction.

SImone Weil

We human beings are emotional creatures. We’re made to feel deeply. But the pressure and drudgery of daily living often flattens our “emotional experience” curves into a relatively narrow range. Bright colors fade to neutrals. Uncontrollable laughter becomes a bemused smile. Deep heartache becomes an ongoing sense of mild disappointment.

As Simone Weil observed, two things that can wrench the emotional limiters from our hearts are beauty and affliction. Affliction tends to come along with enough regularity on its own and, while it does tap into our deeper emotions, not many of us would choose to seek it out. So that leaves us with beauty.

Simply put, we need it. A lot of it. To experience the fullness of life that I believe we are meant for, we need heaps of beauty to compensate for the affliction that life brings our way. It needs to be planned for, worked at, chased after. The enjoyment of beauty must be prioritized, budgeted, and indulged in.

Author John Eldredge notes the uniqueness of beauty:

We need not fear indulging here. The experience of beauty is unique to all the other pleasures in this: there is no possessive quality to it. Just because you love the landscape doesn’t mean you have to acquire the real estate. Simply to behold the flower is enough; there is nothing in me that wants to consume it. Beauty is the closest thing we have to fullness without possessing on this side of eternity. It heralds the Great Restoration. Perhaps that is why it is so healing—beauty is pure gift. It helps us in our letting go.

John eldredge, “The journey of desire: searching for the life you’ve always dreamed of”

I think that’s why I was crying over a mediocre performance by a group of elementary children. Their sense of abandonment was inspiring. Their unbridled joy was contagious. Their teacher’s pride in and commitment to his students was moving. It all touched something deep inside of me that whispered, “This is how life is meant to be.” And in that, it was beautiful.

So how will you experience beauty today? Wander a park, stroll an art gallery, savor a gourmet meal, see a play, listen to music you love, read a great book, watch an artfully made film, have a deep conversation with a friend. Embrace beauty. Drink it in. Open your eyes, mind, and heart to beauty in her many forms. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published in May of 2019.

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