Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Category: Personal Development (Page 21 of 56)

Want a Better Life (and a Better World)? Choose Your Framing Story Wisely

January 16, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I was talking with a friend about last week’s horrific attack on the United States capitol. We shared how we both felt shocked and ashamed of the actions taken by fellow Americans, by fellow human beings. I don’t think we’re alone in asking, ‘How have we come to this? As a country? As a species?’

I believe part of the answer lies in what “framing story” we listen to, what we tell ourselves about the world, what we choose to believe. The framing story that President Trump is telling is that he is the arbiter of truth and that we should believe his version of reality – that the election was stolen from him – without evidence.

A significant number of my fellow Americans have chosen to adopt his framing story as their way of seeing the world. This can shape not only their beliefs but their actions. The power of a framing story is so great that it has lead some people, probably reasonable in other areas of their lives, to violently storm the U.S. capitol, causing death and destruction in what they believe is a righteous cause.

Lest you think I’m only throwing stones, I realize that my own house is made of glass. There have definitely been times in my life that I have let my own delusions and false perceptions and rationalizations distort my view of reality. It’s a pitfall I must continually fight to avoid.

All of us have a framing story for our lives and the world, one we apply consciously and subconsciously everyday. It shapes our thoughts, feelings, choices, and behaviors. And it has a huge impact not only on the direction and quality of our own lives but on all of humanity. As author and teacher Brian McLaren writes:

“If it [our framing story] tells us that the purpose of life is for individuals or nations to accumulate an abundance of possessions and to experience the maximum amount of pleasure during the maximum number of minutes of our short lives, then we will have little reason to manage our consumption. If our framing story tells us that we are in life-and-death competition with each other . . . then we will have little reason to seek reconciliation and collaboration and nonviolent resolutions to our conflicts. . . .

But if our framing story tells us that we are free and responsible creatures in a creation made by a good, wise, and loving God, and that our Creator wants us to pursue virtue, collaboration, peace, and mutual care for one another and all living creatures, and that our lives can have profound meaning if we align ourselves with God’s wisdom, character, and dreams for us . . . then our society will take a radically different direction, and our world will become a very different place.”

Brian D. McLaren, Everything Must Change: Jesus, Global Crises, and a Revolution of Hope (Thomas Nelson: 2007), 68, 67

Personally, I have chosen the latter story. That God exits. That God is good. That I can know and be known, love and be loved by God. Very imperfectly, I try to live out of that framing story everyday. It has served me well through many seasons for over forty years. That said, I completely understand and respect that my particular framing story is not the preferred choice for many.

So what is your framing story? What lens do you use to look at yourself and the world? Know that you have the power to choose. Choose wisely. Few things will have a greater influence on the quality and direction of your life. When in doubt between differing stories, examine them both closely. Consider them soberly. Weigh your experience. Pursue Truth. If that still leaves you uncertain, chose the more hopeful, the more generous, the more beautiful story. Live out of it as best you can. If you do, you’ll make the world a better place and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Pursuing Joy with a ‘Focus Word’

January 9, 2021 / / 2 Comments

In my last post, I shared how I found my “focus word” for 2020 (you can read that story here).

This past week, I repeated the process for 2021. Instead of a single clear word, what came to mind as I listened was my recent Enneagram results. Enneagram is a personality profiling tool that’s very helpful in personal growth. I took the test over the holidays and found that I am a “One” type (you can take the free test here). As I continued to listen and reflect, I remembered reading that when Ones are developing in a healthy way, they become more spontaneous and joyful. The word “joyful” stood out to me. It stuck. It felt right. Here’s what I wrote after that listening prayer:

I asked God if She had a new focus word for me for the new year. I didn’t hear anything at first, but then my mind started reflecting on what I’d learned from my Enneagram test results reading I did yesterday. I’m a 1 with a 9 wing. When a 1 is healthy and growing, they move toward being more spontaneous and joyful like a healthy 7. The word joyful stuck out. At first I was skeptical. Joyful? Me? How can you MAKE yourself joyful or focus on being joyful? But something about it feels right. It sounds good. I’d like to be more joyful this year. I’m going to sit with it for a few days and ask for confirmation. Either way, it seems a healthy area of growth.

A recent experience made me feel like I’m on the right track. As I prepared to do my normal morning exercise of walking the stairs in my condo building, I glanced out the window at the large hill down the street. I decided to work on my spontaneity. Before I fell mindlessly into my habit, I told my wife Lisa that I was going to climb the hill. Well aware of my routine nature, she was surprised. I left before I could talk myself out of it.

View of the hill I climbed from our window

When I reached the top of the hill, I left the trail and explored a cave we had noticed from our condo. After descending, I took a different route on my way home and discovered a wonderful secluded walkway with several fountains. A few minutes later, I lingered beneath a huge tree whose canopy filled my vision as I gazed upward. I had forgotten how healing it can be to soak up nature, even right in the middle of the city. When I arrived home, I realized something wonderful – I felt joyful. My intentional spontaneity (which I realize is nearly an oxymoron) led me to joy.

What changes do you want for your life this year? Who would you like to be twelve months from now? Choose a focus word that captures that desire. Make it simple. Make it clear. Make it memorable. Recite it daily. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Tired of New Year’s Resolutions? Try a Focus Word

January 2, 2021 / / 2 Comments

On January 1st, 2020 I asked God if She had a word for me for the new year (the She is intentional – it reminds me that God is beyond gender).

I know that for some of my readers, the idea of asking God for anything, let alone expecting a response, is absurd. I understand and respect that position. But based on a lifetime of personal experience and some rational arguments that make sense to me, I believe in God. In addition, as strange as it sounds, I think a conversational intimacy with God is possible. Not in the same way as you and I would chat over coffee of course. No audible words or a voice booming from the sky. But a still, quiet sense of presence. A deep feeling, a relaxing of the gut. A word or phrase brought to my mind or heart that is somehow distinct from my own manufactured thoughts or the after effects of last night’s pizza.

But I digress. The point of this post is not to articulate the possibility or mechanics of a conversation with God. The point is, She answered:

Peace

That’s the word that came to my mind, strong and clear as a ringing bell. Whether it was from God or not, that word “peace” felt right as a focus word for the unknown year that stretched ahead of me. Little did I know at the time how much I would need it in 2020.

Immediately after that prayer, I sent myself the following email:

“I asked God if She had a word for me to focus on for the new year. I heard peace. I felt my whole body relax as I processed it. Peace vs striving. Peacefully focusing on one task at a time vs plowing quickly through a list. Pausing. Taking breaks. Helping, serving, blessing others, and accomplishing tasks out of the overflow of my life vs draining my tank, like a basin at the top of a fountain that fills to the brim then spills out onto everything around it.”

I kept that email in my inbox all year as a reminder. I was soon able to quote it verbatim, and I asked God to help me to live out of a sense of peace nearly everyday. Whenever the stress of coronavirus, social isolation, economic uncertainty, national divisions, deep disappointments, or complex decisions threatened to drown me, I clung to my focus word “peace” like a life preserver. It helped me regain perspective, find strength, and hold onto hope.

Now that 2020 is thankfully behind us, I’ll ask God if She has a new word for me for the new year. Perhaps I’ll hear nothing this time. Maybe I’ll hang on to “peace” a little while longer. I’m okay either way.

Do you have a focus word for the new year? Something you can cling to when the seas of life get rough? A word to give you courage and perspective, a signpost to direct you back to your chosen path? If you want to try praying for one, great. If you want to come up with your word on your own, fantastic. Make it simple. Make it clear. Put it where you’ll see it everyday. Work it into a daily mantra or meditation or prayer. If you do, your focus word will serve you well in the year ahead, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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