Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Category: Personal Development (Page 31 of 56)

The 4 Things You Truly Desire (and Where to Get Them)

April 18, 2020 / / 0 Comments

We’re all different. We have different appearances, backgrounds, personalities, experiences, perspectives, tastes, and beliefs. Sometimes those dissimilarities lead to delight and other times to tension, but either way, we cannot deny they exist.

But on a deeper level, I believe we’re all the same. Everyone. Regardless of age, nationality, gender, orientation, socio-economic class, religion, you name it. We’re united in this regard – we all desire the same four things: wonder, truth, love, and security. Philosopher Ravi Zacharias organized them this way:

WONDER

This tends to be a focus of our childhood. We seek discovery. We embrace new experiences. We desire to be fascinated by life.

TRUTH

This is often a focus of our youth. We want answers to big questions. Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? What is the purpose of my life? What is real?

LOVE

While true of every stage, this is often a focus of our middle age. We long to belong. To be accepted. To be valued. To be adored and cherished just as we are.

SECURITY

This is usually a focus of our later years. We yearn for peace. An assurance that we’ll be cared for. A confidence that everything is going to be okay.

If it’s true that these four elements comprise the deepest desires of our hearts, how can we fulfill them? What sources can we turn too? Depending on who you ask, you’ll find both variety and similarities in the answers to those questions. Some will find wonder in travel, adventure, and romance. Truth can be sought in books, study, and deep conversations. Love can be found in family, friends, and a life partner. Security can be obtained in money, wise planning, and a stable job.

All of those are good things. They are all things I’ve pursued in my own attempts to satisfy my deepest desires. But to be honest, they’ve never felt like quite enough. As compelling as they can be at times, each has left me wanting something more, like an itch I can’t scratch. None of them gave me the ultimate satisfaction and contentment I was looking for. Perhaps you can relate.

In the end, my search for true fulfillment of these four deepest desires has been met in God. I know that for some of you, God is a non-starter, and I respect that position. My motivation here is just to share my personal experience in case it’s helpful to some. In my lifelong pursuit of God, I’ve found God to be an unending well of WONDER, a reliable dispenser of TRUTH, a spring of unconditional LOVE, and source of bedrock SECURITY (for the story of how I connect with God and ideas on how you can do the same, read my post here).

Ravi Zacharias summarized these thoughts at the end of a lecture that served as the catalyst for this post. While he is speaking from a Christian perspective, I think the idea is applicable to most religious affiliations and names for God:

“God, who is the perpetual novelty (WONDER), who gave us his Son who is the way, the truth, and the life (TRUTH), who loved you and gave Himself for you on the cross (LOVE), and says, ‘Because I live, you shall live also’ (SECURITY), that’s when meaning comes in – when these four components deal with the questions of origin, meaning, morality, and destiny and bring that coherence into your life.”

Ravi Zacharias (The Top 5 Questions lecture, University of Iowa 2001)

So how about you? How satisfied is your desire for WONDER? What progress have you made in your search for TRUTH? Are you on your way to fulfilling LOVE? Do you have a deep sense of SECURITY? Regardless if your journey leads you to God or some other source, this is a quest worthy of your time and effort. Search for fulfillment of each of these deep desires. If you do, you’ll lead a rich life and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Creating Sacred Space at Home

April 11, 2020 / / 0 Comments

“Sheltering in place” has become our new normal. Most of us are already feeling the strain of too much isolation from friends, family, and coworkers. But for many of us, we’re confined to close quarters with other people, which could lead to the opposite problem – not enough isolation. As much as we love our spouse, kids, significant other, roommate, etc., it’s only natural to need an occasional break from one another.

That’s when we need to create a “sacred space.” It’s simply a private place where you can be alone for a little while. Alone with your thoughts, an engaging novel, or your favorite hobby. It could be a balcony, a porch, a garage, an attic, a guest room, even a closet.

When we moved into our new apartment a few months ago, my wife (author Lisa McMann) had the genius idea of turning a large coat closet into a mini-library, complete with a comfy chair, lamps, and hanging art. The 4’x8’ space that would have been stuffed with coats, shoes, and boxes we hardly ever touch is now a sacred space, an oasis of calm and privacy whenever either of us needs to slip away for awhile.

While a dedicated physical space is ideal, you can also utilize multi-use areas. If the others who share your space are congregated in the living room, curl up on your bed with the door closed. Soak in the bathtub for an hour. Slip away to the garage. It helps to communicate, kindly and respectfully, your desire for some alone time with the others and enlist their cooperation. Ask how you can do the same for them.

While more challenging, you can also create sacred space mentally. Grab some headphones, close your eyes, and listen to some calming music or an audiobook. Have soothing nature sounds or other ambient environments running in the background while you work on your laptop using ambient-mixer.com. Youtube is chock full of long-playing relaxation videos with or without music. I regularly utilize environment videos of an empty beach at sunset, a mountain lake, a quiet forest stream, or a crackling fireplace. You can even take virtual hikes of national parks, tour world famous museums, or use mediation apps like Calm or The Pause (see my post on those apps here), all with others in the same room.

So how will you create some sacred space today? Look creatively at your physical spaces. Start a conversation with those who share your home about helping each other thrive in close quarters. Use your headphones and technology to create sacred space in your mind. If you do, you’ll find sheltering in place more enjoyable, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Bitter or Better? Choose Your Response to Hard Times

April 4, 2020 / / 0 Comments

I am becoming good friends with a seventy-four year old woman I have never met. I connected with Susan Rau Stocker in an unusual way. After writing a blog post supporting the Barmen Today Declaration (you can read that post here), I received a “thank you” comment from Susan and discovered she had helped write the Declaration. 

Honored that one of the authors of such an important work had appreciated something I wrote, I thanked her for reaching out, then took the nervous step of asking if she’d consider doing a guest post here at Becoming Yourself. Ever gracious, Susan agreed (you can read her two guest posts here and here).

Through our subsequent communications, I discovered something surprising and wonderful – a kindred spirit. Though separated by gender, generation, and geography, Susan and I just click. Not only as fellow writers and bloggers, but as seekers of truth and hope, doing our best to become ourselves and help others do the same.

When I read one of Susan’s recent blog posts, I knew I wanted to share some of her wisdom with you. You’ll find her words below, expressing what I feel far better than I could myself. Know that her perspective comes not only from a life deeply lived, but from thirty years of experience as a clinical therapist. I hope you’re as challenged and inspired by her as I am on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

(To visit Susan’s wonderful weekly personal development blog, click here. You’ll be glad you did!) 

SUSAN:

As they say with all challenges and trials, this pandemic will either make us bitter or better. Both are already happening. The news is littered with stories of people hoarding hand sanitizer to resell it at ridiculous mark-ups. Others who had insider knowledge of what was to happen on Wall Street saved themselves financially. And then there are stories of children playing their musical instruments for elderly neighbors and young neighbors putting signs on doors of older neighbors, saying, “Call me and I can pick up anything you need.”

I’ve read that people facing death become “more themselves.” The kind ones become kinder, the nasty, snarly ones growl and bite harder. I think the same can be said of anyone facing stress of any kind — our true nature shines through.

We have some rough days ahead, my friends. How we chose to respond to these challenges and trials is not dependent on what the challenges and trials are but rather on who we are. Selfishness and greed are going to rear their ugly heads. So are selflessness and generosity. Everything in life is an opportunity. Every moment is a teaching moment because at every moment someone is watching and learning from each of us.

This virus will eventually be researched, understood and we’ll have medications to treat it when it does occur. The virus will disappear or at least will become manageable, and we will no longer have to dread it or stay in quarantine to avoid it. But, we will be left with ourselves and the record of our actions during this crisis. We may have malicious thoughts and cranky feelings — we are human — but how will we behave?

Helen Keller said, “Anyone can smile when the sun is shining.” A dark cloud named CORONA is hanging over our heads for the foreseeable future. How we respond will become our personal and public legacy, our private and corporate history.

With faith, hope and love — soulfully, Susan

Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.

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