Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Category: Personal Development (Page 33 of 58)

How to Blow Away the Blues: Let It Out and Let It Go

May 2, 2020 / / 2 Comments

I’m generally a positive person. Glass half full, look on the bright side, count your blessings, and all that. This morning, not so much. As I sat on our apartment’s balcony for my daily time of meditation, reading, and prayer, I felt… off. Flat. Discouraged. I started to do what I normally do – shake it off, focus on the positive, push past it.

But then I stopped. I realized that response was simply not being honest with God or myself. So I tried a different approach. I vented. Poured out my feelings to God. How I felt guilty having such a good and relatively easy life compared to so many who are suffering right now. That I’m discouraged by how slowly my writing career is progressing. How frustrated I am with my recent nagging knee pain that’s preventing me from exercising which in turn leaves me feeling sluggish and unmotivated. That I’m bored being inside and tired of only seeing people through a computer screen. How I’m sick of wiping down everything that comes in the door and have continual low-grade anxiety of catching this truly horrible virus.

After about ten minutes, a surprising thing happened. I felt better. Lighter. More calm. Like I’d purged myself of something nasty. It reminded me that as wonderful as a positive perspective normally is, sometimes I just need to acknowledge that I’m struggling. Get it out. Be real with myself and those I trust. Coming clean with all that junk to God and my wife Lisa not only helped me get past my malaise, it strengthened our relationships.

That said, here’s a really important second part:

ONCE I LET IT OUT, I HAD TO LET IT GO

Marinating in self pity is not an attractive trait. Nor is it helpful to anyone, least of all myself or the people who are stuck living with me (Hi, Lisa). I had to leave the wallowing to the pigs. Purge my stuff, take a deep breath, and move on. Focus on the good. Practice gratitude. Do something positive to get me headed in a helpful direction. My “do something positive” was writing this post in hopes that it might help somebody else.

How are you doing? Really. Look in the mirror. Ask that question honestly. Be real with yourself. Then find someone safe and be real with them. Vulnerability is hard. It feels like walking down the street naked. But it’s also really good for us and our relationships. And your willingness to “go there” may give someone else the courage to do the same.

So the next time those negative emotions start to bubble up, find a healthy place to let them out, then let them go. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The 4 Things You Truly Desire (and Where to Get Them)

April 18, 2020 / / 0 Comments

We’re all different. We have different appearances, backgrounds, personalities, experiences, perspectives, tastes, and beliefs. Sometimes those dissimilarities lead to delight and other times to tension, but either way, we cannot deny they exist.

But on a deeper level, I believe we’re all the same. Everyone. Regardless of age, nationality, gender, orientation, socio-economic class, religion, you name it. We’re united in this regard – we all desire the same four things: wonder, truth, love, and security. Philosopher Ravi Zacharias organized them this way:

WONDER

This tends to be a focus of our childhood. We seek discovery. We embrace new experiences. We desire to be fascinated by life.

TRUTH

This is often a focus of our youth. We want answers to big questions. Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? What is the purpose of my life? What is real?

LOVE

While true of every stage, this is often a focus of our middle age. We long to belong. To be accepted. To be valued. To be adored and cherished just as we are.

SECURITY

This is usually a focus of our later years. We yearn for peace. An assurance that we’ll be cared for. A confidence that everything is going to be okay.

If it’s true that these four elements comprise the deepest desires of our hearts, how can we fulfill them? What sources can we turn too? Depending on who you ask, you’ll find both variety and similarities in the answers to those questions. Some will find wonder in travel, adventure, and romance. Truth can be sought in books, study, and deep conversations. Love can be found in family, friends, and a life partner. Security can be obtained in money, wise planning, and a stable job.

All of those are good things. They are all things I’ve pursued in my own attempts to satisfy my deepest desires. But to be honest, they’ve never felt like quite enough. As compelling as they can be at times, each has left me wanting something more, like an itch I can’t scratch. None of them gave me the ultimate satisfaction and contentment I was looking for. Perhaps you can relate.

In the end, my search for true fulfillment of these four deepest desires has been met in God. I know that for some of you, God is a non-starter, and I respect that position. My motivation here is just to share my personal experience in case it’s helpful to some. In my lifelong pursuit of God, I’ve found God to be an unending well of WONDER, a reliable dispenser of TRUTH, a spring of unconditional LOVE, and source of bedrock SECURITY (for the story of how I connect with God and ideas on how you can do the same, read my post here).

Ravi Zacharias summarized these thoughts at the end of a lecture that served as the catalyst for this post. While he is speaking from a Christian perspective, I think the idea is applicable to most religious affiliations and names for God:

“God, who is the perpetual novelty (WONDER), who gave us his Son who is the way, the truth, and the life (TRUTH), who loved you and gave Himself for you on the cross (LOVE), and says, ‘Because I live, you shall live also’ (SECURITY), that’s when meaning comes in – when these four components deal with the questions of origin, meaning, morality, and destiny and bring that coherence into your life.”

Ravi Zacharias (The Top 5 Questions lecture, University of Iowa 2001)

So how about you? How satisfied is your desire for WONDER? What progress have you made in your search for TRUTH? Are you on your way to fulfilling LOVE? Do you have a deep sense of SECURITY? Regardless if your journey leads you to God or some other source, this is a quest worthy of your time and effort. Search for fulfillment of each of these deep desires. If you do, you’ll lead a rich life and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Creating Sacred Space at Home

April 11, 2020 / / 0 Comments

“Sheltering in place” has become our new normal. Most of us are already feeling the strain of too much isolation from friends, family, and coworkers. But for many of us, we’re confined to close quarters with other people, which could lead to the opposite problem – not enough isolation. As much as we love our spouse, kids, significant other, roommate, etc., it’s only natural to need an occasional break from one another.

That’s when we need to create a “sacred space.” It’s simply a private place where you can be alone for a little while. Alone with your thoughts, an engaging novel, or your favorite hobby. It could be a balcony, a porch, a garage, an attic, a guest room, even a closet.

When we moved into our new apartment a few months ago, my wife (author Lisa McMann) had the genius idea of turning a large coat closet into a mini-library, complete with a comfy chair, lamps, and hanging art. The 4’x8’ space that would have been stuffed with coats, shoes, and boxes we hardly ever touch is now a sacred space, an oasis of calm and privacy whenever either of us needs to slip away for awhile.

While a dedicated physical space is ideal, you can also utilize multi-use areas. If the others who share your space are congregated in the living room, curl up on your bed with the door closed. Soak in the bathtub for an hour. Slip away to the garage. It helps to communicate, kindly and respectfully, your desire for some alone time with the others and enlist their cooperation. Ask how you can do the same for them.

While more challenging, you can also create sacred space mentally. Grab some headphones, close your eyes, and listen to some calming music or an audiobook. Have soothing nature sounds or other ambient environments running in the background while you work on your laptop using ambient-mixer.com. Youtube is chock full of long-playing relaxation videos with or without music. I regularly utilize environment videos of an empty beach at sunset, a mountain lake, a quiet forest stream, or a crackling fireplace. You can even take virtual hikes of national parks, tour world famous museums, or use mediation apps like Calm or The Pause (see my post on those apps here), all with others in the same room.

So how will you create some sacred space today? Look creatively at your physical spaces. Start a conversation with those who share your home about helping each other thrive in close quarters. Use your headphones and technology to create sacred space in your mind. If you do, you’ll find sheltering in place more enjoyable, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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