I prefer to share how the personal development practices I’ve learned help me lead a more joyful, peaceful, and meaningful life. But being open about my recent struggles in my last post brought relief. The act of sharing honestly, of being vulnerable, eased some of the weight I’d been carrying. And rather than judgement, I received a flood of support, understanding, prayers, and encouragement from so many of you. I was very touched and felt carried.
My family is settling in to the new normal of life without a loved one. My lingering physical illness is mostly gone. I’ve checked some big things off my to do list in advance of my books being released. The author part of my identity has shrunk into a healthier balance.
This experience reinforced a lesson I’ve learned again and again—being appropriately vulnerable with others about my struggles brings healing. Not only do I personally benefit from the love and support, but the people around me feel less alone in their own pain.
So when the hard times come, drop your guard. Be honest. Let people in. Share your struggles. Embrace vulnerability. If you do, you’ll feel the weight begin to ease, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Last minute travel due to an unexpected family emergency. Lingering illness. Edit deadlines. Anxiety over the approaching release of my debut novels. These things have left me feeling flat, empty, and without much to say.
Normally the words flow, and I have a clear idea of what I want to share here, something I hope will help you on your personal development journey. Lately… not so much.
A hard reality of life is that sometimes the inspiration stops. Sometimes the familiar path leads to a broken bridge, and we have to find another way across. For me right now, that’s about writing. For you, it may be about your job or a relationship or your health or a loss of some kind.
If you’re in that place, know that you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself. Breathe. Rest. Give yourself grace. Do something that fills your emotional tank. Complete one small task. Trust that eventually the clouds will lift, and the stream will flow again. If you do, you’ll soon feel hope stirring, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
As a blogger, I often have no idea of the impact of something I write. While that can be emotionally challenging at times, putting thoughts I hope may be helpful to someone out into the universe and letting them have a life of their own is just part of this endeavor. Every so often, I get a glimpse of a post’s reach. Earlier this week, a post I published six months ago (July 9, 2022) suddenly took off. Someone apparently found it, shared it, and a lot of people (for me) read it. I decided to take that as a sign and share it again here in hopes that it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
I’m a sucker for a good lie.
I fall for them more often than I should. Not for phishing scams trying to get my money, but for deeper, more subtle, more devious lies. Lies about who I am, about my True Self, about my identity.
The late author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen defined Three Identity Lies that most of us fall for:
1. I am what I have
Billions of marketing dollars are spent every year to reinforce this lie. If you have more, bigger, and better stuff, that means you’re successful, important, and worthwhile. If we’re honest and live long enough, most of us will concede that no amount of material things will be enough to truly define us in a lasting, fulfilling way.
2. I am what I do
This is perhaps the most accepted of the identity lies. When asked who we are, we often refer to a job, career, or position—I am a doctor / parent / sanitation worker / author / athlete / factory worker / homemaker / fill in the blank. But what happens when you loose your job? Get injured? Retire? Your children move out? Who are you then? This applies to hobbies and volunteer activities as well. When the role we use to define ourselves is no longer there, the reality of this lie comes crashing down on us.
3. I am what others think of me
If I’m praised and respected, I’m a good person. If I’m chastised and mocked, I’m a bad person. When put so blatantly, most of us would reject this lie intellectually, but that doesn’t stop us from buying into it emotionally and subconsciously. From a young age, we learn to change how we present ourselves in order to gain affirmation from others. It becomes so ingrained that we’re hardly aware that we’re placing our identity in others’ hands, allowing them to define who we think we are.
What then is an appropriate basis of our identity, a solid foundation for our True Self? Something deep. Something unshakeable. Something lasting. For me, it is this: I am God’s child. No matter what happens in my life, that identity is secure. Relationships can come and go, my career can change, money can be lost, my health can plummet, people can cheer me or jeer me, tragedy can strike, but none of that can disrupt my foundational identity.
My particular choice of identity may not work for you. You may have different spiritual beliefs or no spiritual beliefs at all. I completely respect that. My encouragement to you is to find the deepest anchor point you can for your identity, one that is not subject to the Three Lies.
What beliefs truly define you? Which of the Three Identity Lies trip you up? Remind yourself of them often. See yourself with clear eyes. Choose an unshakeable identity worthy of the incredible person you are. If you do, you’ll find peace and security, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.
