Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 14 of 50)

How a Surprise Question Gave Me a Great Gift

“Would you read this story to me?”

I was walking through the cafe in a Barnes and Noble bookstore during one of my wife Lisa McMann‘s recent book signings. An adult young woman sat at a table with whom I assume was her mother. When I smiled at them, the young woman pointed to the picture book in front of her and asked, “Would you read this story to me?” 

I was tempted to laugh awkwardly, nod to the woman’s mother, and continue walking. I mean, who reads a picture book to an adult stranger in the middle of a busy cafe? Not to mention that I’m normally too caught up in my busy schedule to even consider such a request, subconsciously absorbed in my own exaggerated self-importance.

But for some reason, I paused and leaned down to look at the book. I pointed to the first word, “For,” and asked the young woman if she could read it. She said no, and given her child-like manner of speaking, I guessed she was neurodivergent. Her mother murmured something in Spanish that I didn’t understand. 

I began to read. It was the story of the birth of Jesus set to T’was the Night Before Christmas. The young woman listened with rapt attention, eagerly turning the beautifully illustrated pages. 

As I read, I wondered what her mother’s life was like. Raising a dependent neurodivergent adult must bring challenges and joys that I can only imagine. When we reached the moment in the story where the angels appeared to the shepherds, I felt that the two women beside me were closer to angels than I’ll ever be. 

As the familiar words of hope, belonging, and ultimate love fell from my lips, I felt our perceived differences of gender, age, race, and neurological functioning fade away. For one sacred moment, I saw the truth—we were simply three wonderful, needy people, deeply loved by God and longing to be accepted.

When I finished the story, we exchanged farewells, and I walked away feeling like those women had given given me a far greater gift than I’d given them. 

Chance opportunities to deeply connect with others are all around us. How many have I missed, too caught up in my own fears, hopes, desires, and plans? God, help me walk through life with open eyes and an open heart. 

As you go through this holiday season, lift your head. Really see those around you. Pause. Be kind. Smile. Encourage. Remember and celebrate our shared humanity. If you do, you’ll find you receive more than you give, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Do I Really Believe in the Power of Love?

…love is as strong as death.

The Bible, Song of Solomon 8:6c, New international version

It’s easy to talk about the power of love, but do I live like I really believe it? 

When I read the following true story, it reminded me of the actual power of love. It both challenged and encouraged me to live more authentically from a place of love. I want to grow in responding to everyone with love, no matter the hatred they cast toward me. I hope this story gives you the strength to respond with love in your life. If you do, you’ll make a better world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

At a 1960 lunch counter sit-in protesting segregation in Arlington, Virginia, Quaker peace activist David Hartsough discovered God’s power in the power of nonviolence: 

“Love your enemies . . . do good to those who hate you.” 

I was meditating on those words when I heard a voice behind me say, “Get out of this store in two seconds, or I’m going to stab this through your heart.” I glanced behind me at a man with the most terrible look of hatred I had ever seen. His eyes blazed, his jaw quivered, and his shaking hand held a switchblade—about half an inch from my heart. . . .

I turned around and tried my best to smile. Looking him in the eye, I said to him, “Friend, do what you believe is right, and I will still try to love you.” Both his jaw and his hand dropped. Miraculously, he turned away and walked out of the store.

That was the most powerful experience of my twenty years of life. It confirmed my belief in the power of love, the power of goodness, the power of God working through us to overcome hatred and violence. I had a profound sense that nonviolence really works. At that moment, nonviolence became much more than a philosophical idea or a tactic that had once made a difference in Gandhi’s India. It became the way I wanted to relate to other human beings, a way of life, a way of working for change.

My response had touched something in my accuser. He had seen me as an enemy. But through my response, I believe I became a human being to him. The humanity in each of us touched.

David Hartsough with Joyce Hollyday, Waging Peace: Global Adventures of a Lifelong Activist (Oakland, CA: PM Press, 2014), 19, 20. As shared in the Oct 23, 2022 Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org).

How to Blow Away the Blues

My friend Susan Stocker is a licensed clinical therapist with decades of experience. She’s also a great writer. One of her recent blog posts was so insightful that I decided to share it (you can follow her excellent blog here). I bolded some lines that spoke to me. I hope you find it as helpful as I did on your journey toward Becoming Yourself. (This post was originally published in July 2021).

Are you feeling like this tree? You know the feelings: exhaustion, crankiness, dissatisfaction, criticism of self and others, self-pity, envy of others, unhappiness, racing thoughts, sadness, grief, anger — the list goes on and on. We’re trooping along doing pretty well, and then we slide down the slippery slope. We don’t feel like ourselves. We don’t want to be around anyone else. Yet, we’re lonely.

How do we pull ourselves back up that hill and get back on level ground?

The good news is: we’re the only one who can change the way we feel.

The bad news is: we’re the only one who can change the way we feel.

My friend, Marsha, heads for the sofa and a nap, snuggling with her dog. My sister-in-law puts on her shoes and goes for a walk. Some people call a friend and have a bitch session. Some people head for the tub and a long, leisurely soak. I know one woman who bakes something when she gets the blues. Many people put on music and sing or dance or just let the music smooth away the rough places. People pray, meditate, or write letters to someone they know is feeling even worse than they are.

Feeling down is a natural part of the rhythm of life. Some days we feel inexplicably good — positive, energized, competent and happy. Other days we feel inexplicably bad — negative, lethargic, incompetent and unhappy. Who knows why or how or when. That all seems as unpredictable as the weather and as out of our control as the stock market.

THE PHYSICAL

One of the things we were taught in counseling classes is to always eliminate the physical possibilities first. Are we getting sick, are we dehydrated, did we forget our medicine or our vitamins, have we eaten enough protein or carbs or veggies or fruit? Have we been pushing too hard physically, or perhaps we haven’t been moving enough? Do we need a walk in the woods, or a bike ride with the wind in our face, or a serious workout in the gym? Or some gentle yoga?

THE INTELLECTUAL

Secondly, let’s check out the intellectual aspects. Is our brain fried? Have we been working too hard, struggling to meet deadlines and trying to prove our worth? Or perhaps the opposite is true? Maybe we’re bored and need some intellectual stimulation. Is it time to get back to the Sudoku or the crosswords or to find a stimulating book? Have we been feasting on mindless television or video games? Not properly feeding our minds is as detrimental as not properly feeding our bodies.

THE EMOTIONAL

Third, what’s happening emotionally? Do we need a deep talk with a friend or lover? Is a relationship on auto-pilot? Maybe we need to get into therapy and have what some of my clients call “a check-up.” Are we feeling our feelings or numbing out? Are we engaged in meaningful relationships with at least one or two people or are we floating aimlessly? Are we in an uneven relationship where we’re either giving or getting more than the other person? Sometimes simply talking to someone we love about our relationship is incredibly healing and surprisingly easy: “Are you feeling my care for you? It matters to me and I want you to thrive in our relationship.”

THE SPIRITUAL

Fourth, we need to take our spiritual temperature. Are we seeing that moon at which we look? Are we hearing the birds? Do we feel soulfully alive and connected to the universe and the powers that bring us our every breath? Everyone’s spiritual life is different, but each of us has a spiritual life which needs tending and attention. One of the quickest ways I know to feel in harmony with our own soul is to merely take a moment and say, “Thank you.” I don’t know about you, but I can’t make myself keep breathing. I wasn’t creative enough to design a cat who can purr or a dog who is unerringly loyal. I can’t keep the stars in the sky or the ocean replenishing herself. Thank you seems the least we can say.

Peace and love, my friends. Susan

Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.

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