Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 15 of 50)

Embrace Your Elephant: Find Peace with a Pachyderm

Sometimes a piece of art just hits me. While looking for pictures to decorate our apartment, I came across one that made me smile. It was whimsical and playful, yet also thought provoking. Here it is:

Elephant and Dog Meditate at Summer Night by Mike Kiev
(purchase here)

There’s just something about this painting of a dog and an elephant sitting together, gazing over moonlit waters on a summer night, that I absolutely love. I’m a fan of quirky things, nature, and the color blue, so on those levels, this art piece has a lot of appeal to me.

But I also love contemplation. Just sitting and thinking. I have an evening ritual where I sit on our balcony, look at the night sky above a nearby park, and reflect. I meditate on simple things, like what I did that day, and bigger things, like who I am, why I’m here, and what life is all about.

One of the reasons those times are meaningful is that I feel like the dog in the painting. That I’m not alone in my nighttime routine. I sense an invisible Elephant sitting beside me, staring out into the starlit sky. I feel it’s presence surrounding me, comforting me, whispering to me, guiding me. Something bigger, stronger, and wiser, keeping me company and joining me in quiet reflection.

I call my elephant God. You may call it Mother Nature, a cosmic force, or your higher power. You may call it nothing at all and believe that the universe is a purely physical, naturalistic system. My goal is not to argue in favor of a specific definition of a spiritual component to the universe, but I would like to propose this:

HAVING AN ELEPHANT MAKES LIFE BETTER

Why do I say that? Because I’ve discovered over the course of my life that having Someone bigger, higher, stronger, and wiser than me helps. A lot. It gives me peace. Security. Comfort. Guidance. Companionship. Belonging. Meaning. Love. Joy. Of course, an Elephant is not the only place to find these things, but it is the deepest, truest, and most lasting source of them that I’ve ever found.

I’ve learned that when life is all up to me, I’m not enough. Not to become who I want to be anyway. I need help for that. I’m in no way saying that I think I’m bad or unworthy. Far from it. I believe in and love myself deeply. I have huge respect for the power of the human spirit and what I can accomplish when I set my will to it.

That said, I find the thought that I’m my own highest power is more than a little depressing. I know me. If I’m IT, then I’m in trouble. As wonderful as I am, I know I have weaknesses, flaws, and limitations that will prevent me from being the person I really want to be. From living the life I truly want to live. I need help.

That’s where my Elephant comes in. A Helper. A Guide. A Friend. A Comforter. A Provider. A Protector. A whisper in my spirit that assures me I’m not alone, and that in all the craziness of life, someone much bigger than me has their hands on the wheel. That gives me a lot of comfort and hope.

You may feel that makes me weak. That I’m unwilling to face the cold, cruel reality that we are nothing but a cosmic accident, alone in a mindless, uncaring universe. Perhaps you’re right. Maybe there is nothing more. No-one, certainly not me, can prove the existence of God, a higher power, or whatever a person may call their Elephant. But no-one can disprove the Elephant either. I believe in God because of deeply personal experiences I’ve had and rational arguments I find compelling. Enumerating those is beyond the scope of this post, but if I’m using my belief in an Elephant to achieve a more meaningful, joyful life, then I’m in good company with people a lot smarter than I am. That’s a choice I’m happy to make.

So what about you? Do you have an Elephant? Someone or Something bigger than yourself that you believe in? A higher power that allows you to face life with a hope, peace, and security that can prove elusive when you choose to go it alone?

If you’re intrigued, gaze up at the night sky. Open your mind and heart to God, the Cosmos, Mother Nature, whatever you want to call it. Breathe a prayer. A request for awareness. For ears to hear, eyes to see, a heart to feel. Taste and see. You just may sense an Elephant at your side. If you do, you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published March 16, 2019.

Downton Abbey and the Meaning of Life

“What is a weekend?”

If that quote makes you smile, you’re probably a fan of Downton Abbey. The popular PBS series about the English aristocratic Crawley family and the servants who worked for them ran for six seasons and spawned two feature films.

I recently saw the movie Downton Abbey: A New Era. As usual, I enjoyed the sweeping cinematography, the elegant dialogue, and intriguing story lines. But I came away with an unexpectedly powerful reminder of what I believe to be the meaning of life:

Relationships.

Without spoiling the plot, the tightly knit family and staff go through a wide gamut of experiences—weddings, deaths, windfalls, tragedies, surprises—and a litany of emotions—joy, sorrow, disappointment, grief, hope, love. But through it all, rich or poor, old or young, conservative or liberal, outgoing or reserved, what mattered most in the end was the quality of the relationships each person had formed. 

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

I sat in my car after the movie and asked myself a hard question—was I investing enough time and energy in the important relationships in my life? In my family, in my close friends, in God? When moments of triumph and tragedy come, will those strong ties be there to sweeten my celebrations and ease my sorrows? It isn’t a question of whether or not those people be physically present, but will our relationships have the requisite emotional depth for them to truly enter into those moments with me? The kind of depth that only comes with effort and intentionality?

The thought of coming to the joyful and painful milestones in my life with regret over underdeveloped relationships haunted me. I drove away with a renewed commitment to deepen my investment in my family, my friends, and God.

Photo by Ryan Holloway on Unsplash

So how about you? Would you agree that the true meaning of life is found in relationships? No matter your answer, relationships are at least of significant importance to most of us. How would you rate yours? Answer honestly. Decide which relationships are of utmost value. Invest in them practically with your time, energy, and effort. If you do, you’ll avoid crushing regret, and have a richer, more satisfying life, as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Unexpected Challenge After Achieving a Dream

Every eye in the room was on me.

I was sitting beside New York Times bestsellers. Authors who had been in the industry for decades. Writers with dozens of books to their names. And people were listening to me talk about being an author.

I’ve shared in recent posts about achieving my dream of becoming a published author. My debut books don’t hit the shelves until May of 2023, yet I’d still been invited to participate in author panels at this year’s big comic con event Phoenix Fan Fusion. For the first time, fans of books and aspiring authors were looking to me for entertainment, info on the publishing industry, and writing advice. It was a surreal and wonderful experience.

It was also unexpectedly challenging. As I sat on stage with my name in big bold letters on the table in front of me, alongside far more seasoned and successful authors, I was smacked with a huge case of impostor syndrome. The feeling that I was an impersonator. That I didn’t belong. That I would open my mouth and everyone would realize that inviting me had been a terrible mistake.

I had a choice to make—back down or stand up. Submit to my insecurities or step into the spotlight. I took a deep breath, remembered the hard road that brought me here, and settled in. I’m a long way from being where some of my fellow authors are, but I’m also a long way from where I was when I sat in the audience, dreaming of someday being on stage.

The weekend at the convention was a gift in so many ways. I met wonderful authors I now call friends. I gained so much experience participating in panels. And I was able to give advice and encouragement to aspiring authors like so many generous published authors have done for me over the years.

That experience ended with an unexpected high note. After the convention, I tweeted two of my literary heroes, Neil Gaiman (Coraline) and R. L. Stine (Goosebumps), thanking them for their wonderful writing courses on the streaming service MasterClass. I shared how their coaching helped me land a four book deal for my spooky middle grade monster mystery series Monsterious with Penguin Random House. To my shock and delight, they both personally replied with congratulations.

The journey of personal development is never complete. Success is not reaching a destination so much as advancing along your Dream Road. When you hit a milestone, celebrate it. Savor your well-earned moment in the sun. But don’t be surprised if another challenge awaits. Own your accomplishment. Step into your space. Believe in yourself. Have humility. Show gratitude. Acknowledge the help of others. Don’t deflect praise or shy away from your place. Enjoy it. Use your newfound position to help others along their own path. If you do, you’ll find a rich and satisfying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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