Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 19 of 50)

How to Refresh Your Mind, Body and Spirit

It’s cold this October morning in Vancouver. 

I snug my jacket closer and take another sip of hot tea as I gaze up at the star-filled sky. Dawn is still an hour away, and the only sounds are the gurgling stream and the birds stirring in the nearby forest. 

I love the walkable city in Arizona where my wife and I live. The convenience. The restaurants, shops, activities, and friends.

But after awhile, I feel a pull in my spirit. A restlessness. An itch to wander beneath towering trees. To breathe clean, crisp air. To soak in the beauty and stillness of nature.

The Vancouver park behind our Airbnb

Here in Vancouver, Canada where our daughter lives, nature isn’t hard to find. The deck of our Airbnb sits on the edge of a primal-looking forest criss-crossed with trails. Stepping a hundred feet off the road is like being transported to Middle Earth.

I’m far from the first to point out the positive effects of being in nature. How it heals our spirits. Cleanses our minds. Awakens our bodies. But as clearly as I know this truth, I’m prone to forget it. The busyness of life, all its demands and distractions, pushes the need for time in nature to the back of my mind.

The Vancouver park behind our Airbnb

So I write this as a reminder to myself as well as an encouragement to you. Find ways to regularly spend time in nature. Stroll through a park. Take a drive to the country. Make the effort to get to a natural environment for a week, a weekend, a day, an afternoon, an hour. Go for a hike. Sit in silence. Soak in the beauty. Just be. If you do, you’ll find yourself refreshed in more ways than one, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Recover from a Broken Dream

It was a crushing conversation.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit in March of 2020, my wife and I helped our son and his fiancee make the gut wrenching decision to postpone their long-planned wedding just three weeks before the event. They rescheduled it for fall of 2020. Then again for spring of 2021. Then again for October of 2021.

A week ago, they finally held the long-awaited celebration. The atmosphere was joyous, buoyant, jubilant. Not just because it was a wedding. Not even because it was outdoors, Lord of the Rings themed, and at a castle (though all that certainly helped). It was because of the journey they travelled to get there.

As I performed the ceremony, I was overcome with emotion. Not entirely surprising, especially for me, a card-carrying sentimentalist. But in addition to the normal emotions most parents feel at their child’s wedding, I was overflowing with pride for how both my son and daughter-in-law had handled the blow life had dealt them. They faced the hard reality. Grieved well. Remembered those who were hit far worse by this disease. Let it go. Made a new plan. Looked forward in hope.

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Psalm 30:5 (the Bible, nlt version)

Life will inevitably present you with obstacles. You will have heartache. Sometimes your dreams will be postponed, broken, or even shattered. Follow the roadmap my son and daughter-in-law chose. Take the hit. Let yourself grieve. Then get back up. Choose gratitude. Persevere. Carve out a new dream. Dare to try. Dare to risk your heart again. Dare to hope. If you do, you’ll eventually see the sunrise cresting the mountain, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Relationship Struggles? Decide if it’s Ballast or Baggage

They’re cheesy. Totally predictable. Usually unrealistic. And sometimes surprisingly wise.

During a recent visit with my parents, we watched a Hallmark movie. For those unfamiliar, these are family friendly, made for TV, romantic movies shown on the Hallmark channel. Classic “boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back” plot lines. Always a happy ending.

In Roadhouse Romance, our heroine, who recently returned to her quaint hometown, was caught in a love triangle with two suitors—the enigmatic big-city stranger and her former long-time sweetheart. In describing her recent date with her old boyfriend, she said, “I’m trying to decide if he’s ballast or baggage. One keeps you grounded, the other holds you back.”

All relationships change over time. Be they romantic, friendship, family, work-related or something else, relationships move like ships on the ocean. Sometimes they plow ahead full throttle, sometimes they drift aimlessly, sometimes they drag their anchors.

When a relationship hits the proverbial rocks, ask yourself this question: is the relationship ballast or baggage? Does it provide you with mental or emotional stability, grounding you deeper into the kind of person you want to be? Does it help you move in the direction of your dreams and goals? Or does the relationship weigh you down? Has it become an anchor that needs to be released in order for you to move on? 

Two important things to remember as you wrestle with those questions:

1. People are not objects to be used for personal gain.

We’ve all seen or been victims of people who used a relationship purely for their own temporary advantage. Once they got what they wanted, be it career advancement, sex, a favor, information, etc., they discarded the other person. That is horribly manipulative and damaging and not what I’m talking about here. Nor am I advocating selfishly discarding one’s marriage or family to “find yourself” or because you believe they are “holding you back.” Being honest with yourself and others about your true motivations is key.

2. Many relationships have seasons.

While healthy connections with family members are examples of relationships that act as life-long ballast, others are only meant for a season. They act as ballast in one period of your life but become baggage in another. Many romantic relationships, high school and college friendships, and work-specific connections are of this type. You enter into them with hope and good intentions. For awhile, they are mutually life-giving as you help each other learn and grow.

Then change comes. You discover that you have different values or grow in different directions or you graduate or change jobs or move away. Some of these relationships may survive significant change and continue as wonderful ballast, but those will likely be the exceptions. There is a temptation to cling to a relationship whose season has ended out familiarity, codependency, a desire to avoid conflict, or the fear of being alone. Such a relationship then becomes baggage, hindering you from moving on. Far better to acknowledge that the relationship has run its course, be grateful for the gift it has been to you, and respectfully let it go.

So when you have a relationship that is giving you pause, ask the hard question: is it ballast or baggage? Answer honestly. Seek trusted advice. Then dig in and do the work or graciously bid it farewell. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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