Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 22 of 50)

Feeling Stretched? Give Yourself the Gift of Serenity

When the temperature of our hometown of Tempe, Arizona recently hit 118 degrees, my wife had an inspired idea:

“Let’s get out of here.”

One of the benefits of being writers is the ability to work from anywhere. Two days later, we were standing on a hotel balcony overlooking a marina in deliciously cool San Diego CA.

I spent the following morning exploring the Japanese Friendship Garden in nearby Balboa Park. I was entranced. The winding footpaths. Gentle waterfalls. Koi ponds filled with large, colorful fish. A meandering stream crossed by a gracefully arching footbridge. Quiet fountains formed of bamboo and stone. I sat on a shaded bench and marveled at the exquisite marriage of raw nature and artful landscaping. I left the garden feeling deeply content, like my emotional tank had been filled to the brim.

When we arrived back in Arizona, I sought out our local Japanese Friendship Garden. Nestled in the heart of downtown Phoenix, this surprisingly charming oasis is available to all who seek respite from the bustle of city life. In almost fifteen years of living in the area, this was my first visit. Why had it taken me so long?

It’s so easy to be caught in a mindless routine, putting my head down and churning through endless tasks, appointments, and responsibilities. My trips to these gardens reminded me that seeking life-giving serenity requires intentional choices. I’ll be more mindful in the future.

So how about you? Does your emotional tank need refilling? Does dipping your toes in a pool of serenity sound delightful? Make some time. Seek out a garden, a park, a trail, a museum, a quiet wood. Press pause on your to do list and just be. If you do, you’ll come away refreshed, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

When You Can’t Change Your Situation, Change Yourself

When we are no longer able to change a situation . . . we are challenged to change ourselves.

Viktor Frankl, Auschwitz prison camp surviver, psychiatrist and author (1905-1997)

Sometimes it’s not the words, but the person who says them.

The above quote is compelling on its own but takes on a much deeper level of meaning when we know the story behind it. As an inmate at Auschwitz during the Holocaust, Viktor Frankl was subjected to horrors most of us can’t even imagine. Yet as he reflected on that experience, Frankl found hope and valuable insight into the human condition:

“The experiences of camp life show that humanity does have a choice of action. There were enough examples, often of a heroic nature, which proved that apathy could be overcome, irritability suppressed. Humanity can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical stress.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the people who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a person but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. . . .”

In later years, Frankl came to mentor Edith Eger, a fellow Auschwitz survivor. Edith was sixteen when her parents were killed on their first day at the concentration camp. Frankl’s work was a catalyst for her becoming a therapist and aided in her own healing. She wrote honestly about her personal journey:

“The choice to accept myself as I am: human, imperfect. And the choice to be responsible for my own happiness. To forgive my flaws and reclaim my innocence. To stop asking why I deserved to survive. To function as well as I can, to commit myself to serve others, to do everything in my power to honor my parents, to see to it that they did not die in vain. To do my best, in my limited capacity, so future generations don’t experience what I did. To be useful, to be used up, to survive and to thrive so I can use every moment to make the world a better place. And to finally, finally stop running from the past. To do everything possible to redeem it, and then let it go. I can make the choice that all of us can make. I can’t ever change the past. But there is a life I can save: It is mine. The one I am living right now, this precious moment. . . .

And to the vast campus of death that consumed my parents and so very many others, to the classroom of horror that still had something sacred to teach me about how to live—that I was victimized but I’m not a victim, that I was hurt but not broken, that the soul never dies, that meaning and purpose can come from deep in the heart of what hurts us the most—I utter my final words. Goodbye, I say. And, Thank you. Thank you for life, and for the ability to finally accept the life that is.”

I can add very little to such powerful words. I simply encourage you to sit with them, let them speak to you, and embrace their truth in your own way. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was based on Richard Rohr’s Daily Mediations from The Center for Action and Contemplation, May 19 & 20, 2021 www.cac.org

Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (Beacon Press: 1959, 2006), 65-57, 112.

Edith Eva Eger, The Choice: Embrace the Possible (Scribner: 2017), 155, 156, 232, 233.

Need a Pick Me Up? Get Back in the Serving Groove

Once you’re knocked out of your groove, it’s hard to get back in.

I’ve volunteered in various capacities for years now. When a local center for people experiencing homelessness was forced to stop scheduling volunteers early in the coronavirus pandemic, I wasn’t able to continue serving lunch there. I looked for other ways to volunteer remotely but nothing seemed like the right fit.

Months went by, and eventually we moved to another state. The busyness of the move and getting settled further delayed my return to volunteering. But once I was fully vaccinated, I knew I was out of excuses. It was time to get back to giving back.

To be honest, it was a struggle. I’d grown accustomed to my new volunteer-less routine. It seemed like such a chore to find someplace new to serve, go through the learning process, and take all that time out of my schedule. But I forced myself to do the research, pick a place, attend the orientation, and show up to serve.

Unsurprisingly, my shifts at a local food bank have quickly reminded me why volunteering is important. The people I meet are literally struggling for their physical survival, something that never even occurs to me in my overly blessed life. My heart broke for the downcast homeless gentleman, the mentally challenged person, the veteran desperate for someone to listen to his stories, and the elderly woman walking slowly with her cane as she struggled to collect food for her nine-person family. These are real people, just like me, deserving of dignity, respect, and help.

But the magic of serving is that the people being served aren’t the only ones who benefit. I’ve rediscovered the joy and gratitude I feel when volunteering for a cause I believe in. Energized, I literally ran through my last shift as the line of people waiting for food in the hot Arizona sun stretched down the sidewalk. I was motivated by their courage, and by the positive attitudes of so many. I returned home tired in the best sense and found myself appreciating my beautiful, privileged life in a whole new way.

So how about you? Are you intentionally serving others? If not, why not start today? A simple internet search of “volunteer opportunities near me” is a great place to begin. I’ve volunteered at a number of places using volunteermatch.org, which allows you to filter opportunities by location and area of interest. Try helping out at a food bank or a homeless shelter or a school or a church. Maybe your way of serving isn’t through an organization at all, but by mowing an elderly neighbor’s lawn or dropping off cookies or writing encouraging letters to lonely relatives. Find what feels right to you. It may take a few times to find a good fit, but don’t give up. Keep going. Give back. If you do, you’ll feel good while making the world a better place, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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