Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 24 of 49)

The Personal Growth Exercise You’ll LOVE Doing: Fill Your Life With Beauty

I was crying over the TV show Britain’s Got Talent. For those who know me that will come as no great surprise. I’m a sentimental sap. But from a pure talent perspective, the performance that turned on the water works was pretty poor. So why was I crying? Why was the audience going wild? Why did one of the normally stoic British judges break down and weep? Take a look for yourself…

Did that strike you the way it has so many others? I think the secret of this performance’s impact lies in this quote:

There are only two things that pierce the human heart. One is beauty. The other is affliction.

SImone Weil

We human beings are emotional creatures. We’re made to feel deeply. But the pressure and drudgery of daily living often flattens our “emotional experience” curves into a relatively narrow range. Bright colors fade to neutrals. Uncontrollable laughter becomes a bemused smile. Deep heartache becomes an ongoing sense of mild disappointment.

As Simone Weil observed, two things that can wrench the emotional limiters from our hearts are beauty and affliction. Affliction tends to come along with enough regularity on its own and, while it does tap into our deeper emotions, not many of us would choose to seek it out. So that leaves us with beauty.

Simply put, we need it. A lot of it. To experience the fullness of life that I believe we are meant for, we need heaps of beauty to compensate for the affliction that life brings our way. It needs to be planned for, worked at, chased after. The enjoyment of beauty must be prioritized, budgeted, and indulged in.

Author John Eldredge notes the uniqueness of beauty:

We need not fear indulging here. The experience of beauty is unique to all the other pleasures in this: there is no possessive quality to it. Just because you love the landscape doesn’t mean you have to acquire the real estate. Simply to behold the flower is enough; there is nothing in me that wants to consume it. Beauty is the closest thing we have to fullness without possessing on this side of eternity. It heralds the Great Restoration. Perhaps that is why it is so healing—beauty is pure gift. It helps us in our letting go.

John eldredge, “The journey of desire: searching for the life you’ve always dreamed of”

I think that’s why I was crying over a mediocre performance by a group of elementary children. Their sense of abandonment was inspiring. Their unbridled joy was contagious. Their teacher’s pride in and commitment to his students was moving. It all touched something deep inside of me that whispered, “This is how life is meant to be.” And in that, it was beautiful.

So how will you experience beauty today? Wander a park, stroll an art gallery, savor a gourmet meal, see a play, listen to music you love, read a great book, watch an artfully made film, have a deep conversation with a friend. Embrace beauty. Drink it in. Open your eyes, mind, and heart to beauty in her many forms. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published in May of 2019.

The Surprisingly Inclusive Symbol of Christmas

Sometimes shorter is better.

I’m embracing that idea for this week’s post. Also, the words of others often say what I’d like to say better than I can. So I offer you the short, powerful words of theologian and mystic Howard Thurman (1900-1981) on the inclusive symbol of Christmas:

The symbol of Christmas—what is it? It is the rainbow arched over the roof of the sky when the clouds are heavy with foreboding. It is the cry of life in the newborn babe when, forced from its mother’s nest, it claims its right to live. It is the brooding Presence of the Eternal Spirit making crooked paths straight, rough places smooth, tired hearts refreshed, dead hopes stir with newness of life. It is the promise of tomorrow at the close of every day, the movement of life in defiance of death, and the assurance that love is sturdier than hate, that right is more confident than wrong, that good is more permanent than evil.

Howard Thurman, The Mood of Christmas and Other Celebrations (Friends United Press: 1973, 1985), 3

For me, Christmas is a symbol of the deep love of God from which we all come, in which we all live, and to which we all will one day return. Whatever Christmas means to you, I hope and pray that you have a wonderful holiday season. Thank you so much for reading and being a part of this community. I am truly grateful for your company on the road to Becoming Yourself.

How to Get Through a Hard Holiday Season

Let’s admit it.

The holidays are not going to be normal this year. More accurately, they’re going to be worse. A lot worse. Coronavirus is robbing us of many of the things that make this season meaningful and joyful.

So how do we make the best of a bad situation? Let’s start with two things NOT to do:

1. IGNORE IT Just put on a smile. Grin and bear it. Don’t worry be happy. Pretend everything’s great. No. It’s not great. Don’t lie to your heart. This whole situation is incredibly difficult. It’s hard and sad and lonely. Pretending it isn’t doesn’t make your pain go away; it just drives it underground where it does its damage in secret.

2. WALLOW IN ITEverything is terrible. My life is awful. This is the worst tragedy ever. These hard times will never end. This approach is also not helpful. Things are bad, no doubt, but many people have gone through, and are going through, much worse. Choosing to marinate in negativity only serves to prolong your suffering and stunt your growth.

So ignoring and wallowing are out. What CAN we do? Here are three suggestions:

1. GRIEVE WELL – That grief you’re feeling? It’s real. In addition to whatever physical, mental, emotional, or financial knothole coronavirus has dragged you through, you may be one of the many to miss out on treasured family gatherings this year. You don’t get those back. Take fifteen minutes or an hour or a day or whatever you need to just let yourself be sad. Acknowledge your pain and disappointment. Feel your feelings. Grieve well. Then, let it go. Set your grief aside. Don’t get stuck in emotional quicksand. At some point, grieving ceases to be healthy and becomes counterproductive. Focus on the positive things in your life (you probably have a lot of them) and do something productive and enjoyable. Steer your way back toward the light.

2. HELP SOMEONE – You’re not alone in those awful feelings. A lot of other people are having them too. Deliver cookies to someone living alone. Give socks, blankets, and goodie bags to unsheltered neighbors. Donate money to your local food bank. Call your grandma. Doing something kind for someone else, even when you feel terrible, not only helps them. It will make you feel better too.

3. MAKE A PLAN – My wife and I were talking with some good friends about how hard it will be to not see our kids this Christmas. They shared how they’ve learned to make holidays alone more manageable by planning specific feel-good activities in advance. They stock up on their favorite comfort foods, map out a long walk, and create a watch list of favorite movies. My wife and I are going to borrow from their ideas this year, adding in opening presents with our kids on a group video chat. 

This holiday season is going to be tough. Avoid the extremes of denying that reality or wallowing in it. Grieve well. Help someone. Make a plan. If you do, you’ll get through this storm, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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